Like an Open Book
by stellarpress
Summary: Remus Lupin pays a visit to The Three Broomsticks and has an unexpected encounter with a pretty young woman. The fact that he later discovers he is her new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is only the beginning of their worries.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: None of the characters/plots/settings in** _ **Like an Open Book**_ **are mine except for those dealing with Rain.**

* * *

Remus Lupin walked into The Three Broomsticks on a warm summer evening. The sensation reminded him of the beginning of every one of his years at Hogwarts. Long days and late sunsets gradually said farewell to the hot months and welcomed him back to his home and friends each September, but soon, perhaps, it would be as a professor at the castle he loved so dearly. With only a tattered suitcase in his hand, he glanced past the barren room and empty furniture towards the bar. He remembered the place always in such disarray with eager, barely of-age students bustling to buy their first fire whiskey that one would hardly have a choice of more than two or three open chairs, if they were lucky. He made his way to a bar stool and sat his bag on the seat next to it. In Rosmerta's place there stood a young woman wearing a sleeveless shirt and jeans, leaning down on the counter with her nose in a book. She looked up.

"Welcome."

He nodded back.

She closed a napkin between two pages to save her place. "What can I get for you?"

"Just a butterbeer, thank you."

Without another word, she strode across the floor to retrieve a glass.

"What are you reading?" he asked when she returned with the foaming drink.

"Nonsense, according to my aunt," the girl replied with an amused shrug of her shoulders.

"I like nonsense, personally," Lupin said as he took a sip. "And I read a great deal of it. Try me."

" _On the Road_ ," she answered. "It's a -"

"Muggle classic," Lupin interrupted, "But a good one."

The girl smiled, the kind that comes when two people find out they understand one another. He had to admit, she was very pretty, even if she was probably too young for him to be thinking so. She had a natural, almost wild look about her with long black hair that curled on the ends and hazel eyes that reminded him of the trees in spring. A light dusting of freckles covered her nose and cheeks and traveled to her neckline and shoulders. He guessed her age to be about twenty-two.

"That's right!" she said. "You really know it?"

"I do."

"And you're not going to tease me for reading it?"

"I have no intentions of doing so. Like I said, I'm fond of it myself."

"So you don't find shirking adult responsibilities for travel and freedom to be appalling?"

Lupin looked up thoughtfully. "I wouldn't go that far. It's a nice idea, one that is fun to read about, but I think to practice it in life can be naive and quite hurtful. Dean doesn't realize that his actions have consequences for the people around him."

"I suppose you're right. But sometimes it's liberating to be just a little bit selfish," she said as she sat down across from him, waving her wand and summoning a drink for herself and another for him. "On the house."

Lupin gave a small laugh. "What is your name?"

"Rain," the girl replied.

"Does your employer mind you giving free drinks to customers who are willing to discuss literature?"

"As I said...a _little_ selfish." She smiled again and took a drink. "But it can be difficult to find anyone in the wizarding world who is open-minded to all kinds of literature, even Muggle. It's as if reading about their way of life means I'm ashamed to have magic. I just believe that all creatures experience the same basic emotions, and they're worth listening to. And to answer your question, yes, Rosmerta does mind, but I just can't help it sometimes."

"I'll have to remember that," Lupin replied, then scolded himself. This was beginning to sound an awful lot like flirting.

"I've never seen you. You're not a regular, are you?"

"No, not these days."

"What brings you to Hogsmeade?"

"I have a...well, I don't want to say anything until I know for sure. But with any luck, I will be able to stay in the area for a while."

He was thinking of his impending meeting with Dumbledore regarding the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Of course he wanted to work at the school, and he didn't consider himself particularly superstitious, but the subject made a name for itself in that it couldn't keep one professor teaching it for very long. He hadn't made up his mind to take it on. The Headmaster's latest offer of unlimited wolfsbane put him in a position that he would have difficulty refusing. It meant working at the castle would be safe for him and its students. It meant he could breathe and enjoy his work for an entire year or more. The prospect sounded more wonderful by the day.

"Good," she said. "Then I will see more of you. Perhaps I'll manage to find a book you haven't read in the meantime."

She grabbed the two empty glasses on the counter and walked them to a sink where a brush sprung to life and started washing.

Lupin felt a strange sense of excitement at her words. "You can try," he responded, then shook his head. _Don't be ridiculous,_ he thought _, she works in a pub. It's her job to charm the customers. You aren't any kind of special, not to her._

But then she turned and smiled. He watched as she walked back to her place across from him, tucking her hair behind her ear and brushing some crumbs off of the counter. He couldn't explain it, but it was as if all of her movements were for him; small signals that said she felt pleased, at ease, and strangely, intrigued. Of course, he knew she didn't. She couldn't. Not by him. She must have sensed him staring at her, because she caught his eye and held his gaze. Didn't she notice his scars and shabby hair and tattered clothing?

"I should be going," he said as he stood up. "Thank you for the drink."

"Oh," she said. This time he knew it wasn't in his head: she was disappointed. "I thought you would want to continue our discussion. We could try...this volume next." She grabbed the nearest book to her without even checking the cover.

He raised his eyebrows. "You want to talk about Lord Byron?"

Rain looked at the book and realized it was one of Rosmerta's, full of romance and seduction and embarrassment. She closed her eyes and tried to act un phased, but her blush was obvious.

"If it would make you stay."

Then she smiled, then she laughed, and Lupin knew that saying "no" would be out of the question. For whatever reason, a bright, pretty woman wanted his company. Perhaps it was the butterbeer, or the fact that he wanted to enjoy the feeling of speaking with someone who didn't know him or what he was, but he sat down again. He promised himself that he would stay just a short while longer, with nothing more than appropriate conversation between them.

As the next hour progressed, Rain slowly made her way from standing on the other side of the counter to sitting beside him. She would rise to complete some task or greet a lone customer, and each time she returned it would be closer to his seat.

"You sound as though Jack Kerouac has convinced you to take life to the highway," Lupin said.

"It's easy to romanticize something on the other side of the grass, but yes, I would like to travel. I moved a lot as a child and hated it because it meant I never had friends. Now that I have friends, naturally, I am eager to travel again."

"What's stopping you?"

"I...have some things to settle here, first," Rain replied. "But you've clearly seen your towns outside of Hogsmeade."

"Traveling is something that is necessary in my life, but even I still have a bucket list."

"I envy you," Rain said.

"You shouldn't. Not all of it has been sitting and talking to literary women."

"And do you _like_ talking to literary women?" Rain asked with a smirk.

"One in particular."

She smiled wider but Lupin cursed in his head. He'd done it again.

"Nor has it involved butterbeer and pubs," he added.

"If you haven't noticed, I spend enough time in one as it is. I want to see mountains and forests, or better yet, the creatures inside them. You see I-"

The bell on the door chimed as it closed and suddenly they were the only two people left sitting in the bar. Lupin knew he should leave. He was beginning to see her eyes and hair and skin as a pool he wanted to sink deeply into, and it was well past time to end this before he could make another mistake. He looked at his watch and made a show of surprise.

"Now I really must go."

"Right. Of course," Rain said.

As he stood, she stood too. He looked at her nervously. Rain waved her wand at the door and the _Open_ sign flipped and the lock clicked. He tried to speak but she spoke first.

"You said with any luck you would stay in Hogsmeade. Well, this is for luck."

She put her hands on his shoulders to steady herself as she stepped on a bar stool, rising up to his height. Then they slid from his shoulders to his neck below his ears. As if she had no doubts in the world or herself, she kissed him. Lupin closed his eyes as she gently pulled his bottom lip once and then his top a little deeper. The sugar from her mouth entered his as her tongue kindled the sensitive skin at the roof of his mouth. He could only breathe to try and keep himself in one piece. Rain drew away and brought her feet back to the floor and her arms to her sides. He should have let her but his body couldn't be convinced to allow it, grieving at every inch between them. His eyes slowly opened.

"Do you know what you're doing?" he asked.

"No, but you said you like nonsense, right?" she answered.

"Much more than I ought to."

He kissed her again as his hands brought her legs up around him and sat her atop the counter. They stayed on her outer thighs, squeezing as they pulled her body against, then underneath, his. She smelled delightful, like the richness of butterscotch mixed with the kick of a whiskey. He wanted to taste and touch every bit of her from the inside out. As if anticipating this, Rain unbuttoned the top of her shirt to allow him to do so.

Not a moment later, the fog around him cleared and he realized that those thoughts, _his_ thoughts, were coming from a dark place that he needed to keep hidden. He couldn't allow this girl, young and without taint, to ruin herself by getting involved with a man like him.

"No," he said, putting his hands up. "I don't do this. _We_ can't do this. We hardly know each other." _If you did_ , _you would want nothing to do with me._

"I know, you're right," Rain said as she slipped off of the counter and onto her feet. "Forgive me, I got carried away. It's just...you seem to speak to me when you aren't saying anything at all. I'm sure it sounds absurd."

 _Not absurd_ , he thought, because he felt it too, but admitting it might appear as a justification for what he'd done. There was no excuse.

"I consider myself lucky that a woman like you should so much as look at a man like me," he said. "But because I admire you, I cannot disrespect you."

Their eyes looked at everything in the room except each other. Rain raised her wand. The sign changed back and the door unlocked.

"I hope we can see each other again. Perhaps, if you do stay in town after all, we could-"

"Perhaps," he echoed, interrupting her, but he knew that relationships never worked for people like him. Pretending otherwise would only give him misery to add to his loneliness. "Goodbye, Rain."

* * *

"I'm going to miss the opening feast!" Rain called to her Aunt Rosmerta, who was levitating one of her suitcases down the stairs after her. "It's my last one!"

"As if it will be any different from the other six," Rosmerta huffed. "Outside of the song by that wretched hat."

Rain ignored her. "The carriages will have left by now and I can't apparate within Hogwarts."

"Then I'm afraid you'll have to walk, my love. I can't leave the pub. It'll be busy enough without you here every day. I may bloody well have to hire someone."

"Yes, the horror of having to pay an employee because they're unrelated to you."

"I would be willing to feed them and put them in your room while you're gone, I just have no desire to pay them."

"Hey, I like that room. Keep it for me," Rain said. She gave her aunt a rushed hug and hurried out. "I will visit on Saturday!"

"Can you cover a shift while you're at it?" Rosmerta called.

"I love you, too!"

Rain turned around and hurried off. She may not miss the feast entirely, but all of the good food would be gone by the time she arrived. _In that case_ , she thought, _I may as well walk_.

As she did so, she took a glance down the main street of Hogsmeade and saw a few familiar faces, but none of them were of Remus, or so he said his name was. _Perhaps he can't stay_ , she thought. _Or worse, he did stay and is avoiding the pub_. The idea gave her an acute amount of disappointment. Sure he was older than her, but he was interesting and thoughtful and brilliant, more attractive to her than any boy her own age, and probably entirely put-off by the fact that she threw herself at him like a harlot. Why did she give in to her foolish impulses without considering that he was a gentleman who likely wanted a woman of equal manners? No wonder he hadn't come back. Maybe he thought she did that with every customer. If only he'd known that she had never been that bold with any man, ever.

After depositing her luggage and changing into her robes, Rain crept up the staircase to the Great Hall. She could hear Professor Dumbledore's voice booming from outside, announcing that Hagrid would take over the Care of Magical Creatures class. Rain was delighted. She knew that Hagrid, like herself, respected animals as much as he respected his fellow man. The applause that followed was the perfect time to slip in unnoticed. She kept close to the wall as she moved. Because the first years had already been sorted, the long tables offered little space to sit. She eyed up and down the Gryffindor benches, giving small waves to a few friends who noticed her. That was when she heard it.

"And please welcome our new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Remus Lupin!"

Rain's stomach dropped and her eyes shot up to the front of the room. It couldn't be. And yet, there he was, already standing, and just as aware of her as she was of him. If they could have seen into each other's minds, their thoughts would have matched perfectly: _What have I done?_

* * *

While the rest of her schoolmates filed into their dormitories, she knew she needed to find him. Rain could think of nothing else during dinner and ignored everyone at the table except for Violet, her closest friend, who looked at her with concern.

"Rain, are you all right?" she asked.

Rain shook her head, trying to be rid of the shock. "No, but I can't tell you now. Wait for me in the common room."

When the students were dismissed she bolted up and went to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. He hadn't arrived yet, so it gave her time to think. She paced as she tried to come up with the right words. Her head was still empty when the door opened and Lupin appeared, slowly closing it behind him and turning the lock.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly.

"I never thought you would be-"

" _NO_ , YOU DIDN'T!" He erupted. Rain closed her eyes and took the blow as he continued to yell. "Are you aware that to any rational human, working in a pub indicates that one is an adult? I know for a fact that Rosmerta never hires kids, and definitely not students."

"Rose is my aunt," Rain answered in almost a whisper. "So I am a bit of an exception, but I am not a kid. I'm nineteen years-old."

"What?"

"I traveled with my parents until I was thirteen and then I settled in Hogsmeade. That is when I received an invitation to attend Hogwarts, under the condition that I start as a first year to ensure I didn't graduate without all of the necessary education."

Lupin had to admit he felt somewhat better, but not much. "You are still incredibly young, and a student in my classroom, which, I might mention, I never saw a 'Rain' listed on the attendance sheet. Is that even your name?"

"My name is Marayna Marquis, but everyone calls me Rain."

"And you just thought I was the kind of man who would want to bed a student, Ms. Marquis?"

"No. I left it out on purpose. I knew you wouldn't give me a second glance if you knew I was in school."

"You are damn right I wouldn't have!"

 _Don't cry_ , Rain said to herself. _Don't be pathetic_. "I'm sorry Remus."

"And you _cannot_ call me that!"

She flinched. "Professor. Professor Lupin, this is my fault. I don't deny it. I accept full responsibility."

Lupin exhaled and regained himself. "No. I should have known better. I should have left that pub the minute I finished the first drink."

"But then..."

"Then I wouldn't have to walk around here, knowing that I took advantage of one of the students I've promised to guide responsibly into the world of magic. I've broken my own oath."

"There is no point in wishing it hadn't happened," Rain said. "The best thing we can do is move forward."

"Which, I'm sure I don't need to explain to you, means we can never allow it to happen a second time. We must keep our distance, especially..." he was about to say, "around the full moon," but stopped himself.

"Especially, what?"

"Never mind. It doesn't matter," Lupin replied, and then knew what he had to do. Despite his anger at her, the words would hurt and he hated himself for saying them. "Now please leave, Ms. Marquis, and do not come back outside of classroom hours, and certainly never alone."

He turned and climbed the staircase so he wouldn't have to see her eyes, which, out of his sight, she finally allowed to cry.


	2. Chapter 2

Rain, finally, I was getting worried," Violet said as she rose from her seat by the fire. There was enough commotion with everyone moving in that Rain felt safe going to a private corner to tell her the news. No one would see her red, puffy eyes or hear her voice shaking there.

"Do you remember the man I told you about, at the pub?"

"The traveler, the one you kissed?"

"Yes."

"What about him? Did he finally come back?"

"Yes."

"Well, where is he?"

"In the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, probably preparing for our lesson tomorrow."

Violet's mouth fell open. "Oh, no."

"He was angry. He was _so_ angry. As he should have been."

"I can imagine!"

"I never would have guessed he would be our teacher!"

"What did he say?"

"Enough, and it was more of a shout. There is no possibility of him ever wanting me again."

Violet's hands opened on her lap. "...Obviously. What did you expect?"

"I know," Rain sighed as she stood up and paced. "It's just...despite everything, I am still fiercely attracted to him. Being our teacher doesn't erase the past several nights of me falling asleep hoping to see him the next day. And what's worse...what's worse is knowing he's been at Hogwarts this whole time without having come back to see me. He couldn't have found out I was a student before tonight. Above everything, even his position, that hurts the most. It shouldn't but it does."

"I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry, Rain. I know how much you liked him."

"I don't think I can watch him for hours every week and stay focused. We got on. He was so... _intense_. How could I forget?"

"You have to. It doesn't matter if he was the prince of England, it's over now, and can't go on. If nothing else, getting him fired should be an effective motivator."

"You're right," Rain replied. "I would hate that. I'd never forgive myself."

"Then it's settled," her friend rose, putting an arm around Rain to lead her to the staircase. "It's a bad hand, I won't deny it, but you must cut your losses and put him out of your head...and thank your lucky stars nothing happened beyond a kiss."

"I think he wanted to _,_ he just didn't let himself," said Rain.

"He, who?"

* * *

Lupin reviewed the syllabus from the previous year to get an idea of his students' skill levels. He must have read it a hundred times, always beginning at the top of the list and by half way through, losing his place because his mind wandered to Rain.

The previous weeks he had stayed in the castle after accepting the DADA job. Plenty of times he wanted to pop into the pub just to have a glimpse of her, but he told himself to forget it. No attachments, no relationships, no putting anyone in danger of being hurt, both physically and emotionally, not even when he knew he would reside at Hogwarts for the next several months. Not even when the kiss she'd given him replayed in his mind as the most stirring he'd ever received.

Then he noticed a late student the night of the welcoming feast. Rain was young, but certainly this girl in the back of the room was a sister or a cousin. Anyone. But the more his eyes focused, the harder the truth hit him: the Gryffindor in the school uniform was the same girl whose memory kept him staring at the ceiling in bed each night. He remained in a heavy daze until he heard his name and stood up as instructed. If he had any uncertainties before, the look on Rain's face told him she felt just as horrified by his identity as he was of hers. A fire lit under his skin and a voice in the back of his mind panicked that everyone would somehow find out what they had done. It was bad enough hoping no one would discover his lycanthropy, and now this.

He prayed that Rain would understand just how important it was to keep it a secret, but even after knowing her a short while, he felt she did. One of her most attractive qualities, at least, weeks ago when he found her attractive, which he most certainly didn't any longer, was her sincerity. He believed her when she took the blame and doubted she would want to cause any more trouble. Then he chided himself. The blame didn't rest exclusively on her shoulders, and he should have been more insistent about that. Just as Eve offered Adam the apple, he never pushed her away or told her to stop. In fact, once he had a taste, he hungrily demanded more before finally coming to his senses. Now all he had to do was keep their sin from spreading to the ends of the earth and he might survive the school year.

* * *

"Rain, get up."

"Mmmm."

"This is already the third time I've had to wake you."

"I predict a fourth coming soon."

Violet sat on her friend's bed and looked at her with some annoyance, but mostly pity. "How long did it take you to fall asleep last night?"

"If I had to guess," Rain said, rubbing her forehead, "Eight hours."

"Then you're going to need all the time you can get to make yourself look presentable."

"I guess no one has time for subtleties on the first day of school."

Violet looked at the clock. "I'm afraid you're barely going to have time for toast."

The pair walked into the Great Hall, where they must have been among the last to arrive. All of the students and faculty waited anxiously for the clock to strike the end of breakfast. Rain yawned and tried to straighten the Gryffindor tie she knew was crooked. She walked lazily down the table, looking towards the platters in the middle for one that still had a decent amount of food. The owls entered above them to deliver the post and Colin Creevey was showing his little brother the sights of the Hall. The boy snapped a photo with a camera that probably outweighed him, but as he did so, the brilliant flash blinded the poor bird that flew past, for instead of dropping the post with perfect accuracy, like usual, it flew straight into a cup of orange juice in an outstretched hand. Rain watched, as if in slow motion, the bright orange drink fly up and spill all over her clothes.

Violet's face was red trying to hold in a laugh, even if everyone else in the Great Hall failed. "See? If you had gotten up on time, this probably wouldn't have happened."

"It wouldn't have happened if I'd just stayed in bed, either," Rain said, shaking the juice off of her hands. Despite everyone else's enjoyment, the Creevey brothers looked horrified, the younger on the verge of tears from the fright of all of the eyes and ears and an impending death hex from a seventh year coming his way. Rain chuckled and approached him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's all right. That's what magic is for." She waved her wand over herself and the scattered orange droplets disappeared. "As you'll learn soon enough from Professor Flitwick." She pointed to the tiny professor at the head table, who nodded at the visibly relieved boy. Satisfied, or perhaps disappointed, that nothing more exciting would happen, everyone returned to their breakfast.

"Rain, there you are!" She turned and saw her Aunt Rosmerta. "Bloody hell, look at you."

Rain kissed her cheek. "You just missed the show, actually, this is an improvement. What are you doing here?"

"You left this," Rosmerta handed her a book, "And I wanted to wish you luck on your last, first day."

"It's sad, isn't it?" Violet sighed.

The clock chimed and Rain tucked the book under her arm. "That's our cue."

Bodies rose from their seats and filed out. Professors stood at the door to advise any confused first years which direction to go for their morning classes. Rosmerta slipped away and Rain picked up an orange to eat as she walked, then took another look at the book. _On the Road_. She stared at the cover for the quickest of moments, then tossed it in the garbage as she followed after Violet.

* * *

"Before we open any textbooks, I would like to know a bit about you all," Lupin said in front of the classroom. "You may already know each other well, being that you're in your seventh year, but I want an idea of the minds in my audience."

The students sat quietly, still deciding whether they liked this new teacher or hoped he would only last one year as his predecessors. Rain just looked at her hands folded on the desk.

"I'll start. I'm here because Professor Dumbledore wanted a hands-on approach for your defensive skills. As you can imagine, you cannot survive with only a theoretical knowledge of these things. You have to practice in order for them to be effective, like playing a sport. A surprising amount of people disagree, particularly in the Ministry."

"Have you really been out there and done this stuff then?" a boy asked.

"Yes, unfortunately. I fought in the first war, and it wasn't just wizard against wizard. The dark side recruited all manner of creatures to fight for them, including those that could not be defeated without specific knowledge of their strengths and weaknesses. _Stupify_ and _expelliarmus_ aren't always enough. And with your, shall we say, modified quality of education under Professor Lockhart, we have a busy year ahead of us."

The group of Gryffindors and Slytherins was clearly intrigued.

"Let's start with you," Lupin pointed at a girl in the front row. "Stand and tell me your name and where you want to be one year from now."

The girl answered him. "Alicia Pond. The Ministry of Magic, Improper Use of Magic like my mum."

Lupin smiled and nodded, then pointed to the next desk, a boy. "Now you."

He rose. "Alexander Ross, Department of Magical Games and Sports." A few boys behind him hollered and agreed.

"Wonderful. Let's keep going around the room," Lupin said.

Aspiring quiddich players, aurors and a few undecided students introduced themselves. Then it was Rain's turn. She stood up and couldn't bury the nerves. By the looks of it, Lupin wasn't comfortable either. His jaw tightened and his shoulders squared off even though he tried to force them to relax.

"Marayna Marquis, The Forbidden Forest," she mumbled.

His eyes narrowed. He wanted to ask why. If she had been any other student, he would have. Rain flew down and Violet took her turn, glad to have their first meeting inside class over and done with. Her answer couldn't have surprised any of her friends. They all knew her, but Lupin didn't. Not in the least. She wanted him to; from their first conversation she wanted to tell this worldly man her life and goals and hear his thoughts about every one of them. Now she sat in a seat no closer than any other student, only none of them had to replay his voice in their heads, looking down at her with slightly swollen lips saying, "Do you know what you're doing?"

 _No,_ she thought, _Not at all._

* * *

Violet and Rain walked to lunch after DADA.

"Not too bad, huh?" Violet said trying to cheer her up.

"Are you kidding?" Rain said. "He hates me. I've ruined the entire school year for the both of us. And because I won't be able to focus on learning anything, it looks like my only defense mechanism in the future is throwing one of Lockhart's books at the back of my enemies' heads."

"I'll make sure you don't fall behind," Violet said. "Speaking of which, I should tell you what you missed from the opening feast last night. Have you heard about Sirius Black escaping from Azkaban?"

"Yes, there's a sign outside of the pub. Why?"

"Well, they think he may come here. He was heard saying something about 'It's at Hogwarts' while in prison."

Rain looked towards the end of the table at Harry Potter. "Three guesses what. Or should I say, whom?"

"Exactly," said Violet. "But to make sure he doesn't enter Hogwarts or Hogsmeade, the Ministry is going to allow dementors to patrol the grounds."

Rain dropped her fork with a loud clatter. She cleared her throat. "Will they...will they come inside?"

"I don't know," answered Violet. "But you should be prepared in case they do."

Violet was one of the few people who knew exactly what sort of memories an encounter with the dementors would conjure for Rain. While most of their schoolmates would see trivial things like breakups or broken bones, she had images in her head that must stay buried. Living through them once almost cost her life, but a second may cost her sanity.

"How? What can I do?"

"There is...someone you could ask," Violet answered, looking towards the teachers' table where Lupin sat talking with Hagrid.

"No," Rain answered automatically.

"I know I told you to forget him, but this may be more important. Wouldn't it be worth it to master a patronus?"

"Of course I want to learn, but it's not as simple as me putting my embarrassment behind me and asking for a favor. Professor Lupin _told_ me not to come to him after classroom hours."

"Oh."

"There was no mistaking his instructions, either. He wants nothing to do with me outside of the standard, obligatory teaching."

"Wow. You were right; he must have been very angry."

"He was, Violet, enough not to give a second thought to what might appear in my nightmares."

"But he seems so kind. I'm sure if he knew-"

"He is kind, but he doesn't want to spare any of it for me. Not now."

* * *

The first two days of term passed without further incident, as Lupin was the only new professor at Hogwarts. Otherwise, with the more familiar instructors, they picked up with their studies the moment they walked into the classroom as though summer holiday never happened. Snape seemed to want to make up for any lost time by assigning homework on the first night. The students readjusted to life in the castle, especially the seventh years trying to add any required courses for their career ambitions at the last minute.

The second DADA class dove straight into what Lupin referred to as a "hands-on approach." In order to evaluate their skill levels he had them divide into pairs and perform basic dueling spells.

"Lockhart started a dueling club last year," one student remarked.

"And Snape whipped him!" another chimed, followed by laughter among the group.

"What did you practice?" Lupin asked.

"Nothing much," Violet said. "On the first night he paired Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter and we ended up with a snake."

"A snake?"

"Yes. Rain had to-"

Rain elbowed her friend. Violet pursed her lips.

"And I had to...ask Professor Snape to get rid of it," Rain stammered.

Violet nodded to back her up.

"Meanwhile Lockhart could only make it do a somersault midair," a boy said, calling back Lupin's attention.

Rain pulled Violet away. "Don't tell him about my extracurriculars."

"He's going to find out sooner or later."

"He'll think I'm trying to get his attention."

"So you're just going to hide the rest of the year instead of doing what you love?"

"No. I'm doing as I promised. I'm not going to share anything personal or start any conversations that don't revolve around Defense. If he wanted to know why I'll be in the Forbidden Forest next year he would have asked. If he cared that I want to work with animals he would have said so."

"He talks to others about personal matters. It wouldn't seem out of sorts."

"Because he doesn't hate the others."

Violet rolled her eyes.

That afternoon Rain went to the library to fish in the Defense section for any books that might help to conjure a patronus. Her textbook provided some tips but she wanted all of the advice she could get. When she asked the librarian for a recommendation she said curtly, "The new professor, Lupin, would be an invaluable source. He carries several volumes on the patronus" and went back to cataloging the books trying to crawl off of her desk.

On her way out, Rain had almost managed to convince herself to ask Lupin during the next class period when she saw him at the end of the corridor. He turned and took another route. Then she asked Violet to peruse his shelf before dinner but she said Lupin was busy talking to Snape in his office and she didn't have the stomach to interrupt them. Rain couldn't blame her.

On the third class, the room held a wardrobe that teetered from side to side, as if something within it bounced off of the walls.

"Can anyone venture a guess as to what is inside?" Lupin asked the class.

Rain didn't know, and if she did, she still wouldn't have raised her hand.

"That's a boggart!" said a girl behind her.

Lupin smiled. "Correct! And can anyone tell me what a boggart looks like?"

"No one knows," said the same girl. _"_ Boggarts are shape-shifters. They take whatever form its viewer fears the most."

"Right, absolutely right," said Lupin. "Violet, would you come here, please?"

She stepped forward.

"Violet, what frightens you the most? Be honest, for we'll see the truth in a moment."

Violet stammered. "Thunderstorms."

"Okay, now here's what I want you to do," Lupin said, then approached and whispered into her ear. She nodded.

"Ready?" Lupin asked.

She nodded again and he waved his wand to open the door. A billowing cloud engulfed the room and the sound of thunder shook the walls and windows. Lightning flashed and made everyone jump. Violet just stood motionless.

"Remember what I told you!" said Lupin from behind.

She took a breath and raised her wand, " _Riddikulus_!"

Instead of another clap of thunder, fireworks filled the room and beautiful, glittering colors surrounded the students. Everyone smiled and cheered.

"Wonderful work!" shouted Lupin over the booming noise. "The key to finishing a boggart is laughter. After saying the incantation you must force it to take a shape you find truly amusing. Now everyone form a line."

As the people in front of her eagerly entered the crossfire, Rain stepped back. Spiders, clowns, none of them showed what the boggart would for her. She felt helpless. Dementors outside and boggarts inside, her worst nightmares, which she worked so hard to overcome, suddenly threatened to unearth themselves at every opportunity. Was any place safe anymore?

Student after student reached the front of the line. Lupin was thrilled at their progress, though he couldn't help but notice that Rain never took a turn, as she should. He looked to the back of the classroom where she stood against the wall. Their eyes met and he asked her with a look if she might come join the activity. She shook her head no, then rounded the corner and disappeared into the hallway. The rest continued as though they were having the time of their lives watching their mates' fears and the hilarious ways they overcame them.

"Boggarts can come out of any confined space, so always be prepared!" chimed Lupin.

Afterwards, when he was satisfied that all but one had a turn, he ended the lesson. "That's all for today everyone. Please collect your things and I will see you next class. Ms. Marquis, a word if you don't mind."

Violet gave her a look that matched Rain's own surprise. The students filed out until only they lingered. She couldn't help herself when she asked, "You know this isn't considered classroom hours, right?"

"I do," Lupin started, "But I must know why you didn't participate. This wasn't what I meant when I said we had to keep our distance. I want you to be prepared for what you might find in the world, along with your classmates."

"You think I refused the activity because I'm upset with you?"

"It's the only explanation that comes to mind."

"I'm not."

"I have a hard time believing that. Clearly you're upset with someone."

"I'm upset with _me_ , that's who, for being so stupid and making you pay for it. Now may I go? I don't want to make anything worse."

He softened. Rain was terrified of him and no wonder, with how he shouted. He wanted to apologize for how he lost his temper and laid all of his disappointment in himself upon her. Perhaps he'd gone too far. "So that _is_ why you refused?"

Rain blinked hard and shook her head. "No."

"Explain yourself then."

She turned to look out the window. "I already know what I fear. I don't need a boggart to tell me. I don't need the entire class to...see it."

"If you know your fear, then the next step is to know how to defeat it. Otherwise the boggart will win, every time."

"It isn't as easy as that."

"Why not?"

"Because there is no way."

"I'm sure there is."

Rain faced him. "I fear what I fear because it has already defeated me. The dark doesn't bother me and neither do spiders. No creature, _nothing_ that hasn't given me a reason to scares me."

"And what does, exactly?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not even supposed to be here, remember? I can handle this on my own."

"If that's true, you won't mind practicing now that the room is empty."

Lupin motioned to the wardrobe and took a step. Rain thought he was going to open it. She held her arms over her face as if defending an attack.

"Stop!"

The volume of her shriek and the stance of her person froze his limbs. Her voice seemed to echo off the ceiling. The image of such a happy soul cowering in fear disturbed him. Lupin couldn't help but stare at her, dumbfounded, before gently saying, "It will stay closed until you want it opened. Your classmates wouldn't have to see. Would that help?"

"That isn't the problem. I'm not embarrassed. I...I just don't want people asking questions once they know." Rain was teetering on the edge of hysterics. "I fear what I fear because it's already taken everything and left me behind, to suffer as I remember the life I used to have. Don't you understand? I have nothing to fight it with. There is no way I can even look at it, much less force it to take another shape!"

Her outburst made Lupin step back. Obviously this was something bigger than he imagined. "What do you mean?"

She was shaking then. He was getting close; too close. "I don't belong in Gryffindor. I'm not brave enough to face it. I'm not ready."

Professor McGonagall rushed into the room before he could get in another word.

"Ms. Marquis, come quick, Hagrid needs you."


	3. Chapter 3

Though uninvited, a puzzled Lupin followed Rain and Professor McGonagall out the door, down the hallways and across the grounds to a small clearing on the border of the Forbidden Forest, wondering why, out of a school full of professors, a student would be required during a crisis.

A third year Care of Magical Creatures class stood watching as Hagrid tried, and failed, to calm a hysterical hippogriff, while Draco Malfoy laid on the ground holding his arm.

Lupin saw Harry Potter among them. "Harry, what happened?"

Harry shook his head. "Malfoy didn't listen. It's not Hagrid's fault."

"Buckbeak!" the half giant roared, but the creature just reared and sent its talons forward like slashing daggers.

McGonagall had seen enough. "Mr. Longbottom, please escort Mr. Malfoy to the hospital wing."

Neville would never be bold enough to refuse or even show the slightest hint of disobedience towards his professors, but neither he nor Malfoy were particularly thrilled. Then McGonagall put her hand on Rain's back. "Ms. Marquis."

Rain nodded her head and went forward. Lupin grabbed her arm. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Remus, please," McGonagall said and he let go, but not because he wanted to.

Hagrid stepped aside and Rain took his place in front of the hippogriff and bowed. Buckbeak swung at her and she jumped back, narrowly missing a lacerated stomach. She bowed again, lower. "Oh he's _very_ angry," she muttered to them.

"Minerva, we should really-" Lupin began.

Then Rain made a sound in the back of her throat, soft and low, resembling a coo, and Buckbeak froze. He tilted his head like a dog hearing a curious sound. No one spoke, not even the birds in the trees. She continued and one by one, his ruffled feathers relaxed against his body and his talons softly grazed the ground. Buckbeak bowed back.

Lupin didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he finally exhaled. McGonagall noticed and clarified all of the questions floating in his mind with one simple answer. "Marayna Marquis can speak to animals. Just as some witches and wizards are born with the ability to communicate with a specific species, like Potter with snakes, she knows the language of any creature, magical or not."

Rain took Buckbeak's bow as a signal to approach. She reached out and stroked his feathers and he unwound, following her hand with his head, enjoying her touch and her company.

Hagrid smiled in relief and turned to the rest of the kids in the group. "Class dismissed, everyone!"

Gryffindors and Slytherins alike chattered amongst themselves about the event as they slung their bags over their shoulders and hauled their massive monster books, half plotting to get Hagrid fired and the other half promising blood if he did.

Once the third years left, Hagrid sat heavily on a stone wall nearby looking cast down. Rain felt satisfied that Buckbeak posed no further threat to anyone's safety and joined him there.

"Hagrid?"

"I 'magined me first day going a bit different than this."

Rain sighed. "Buckbeak said Malfoy was hostile. Did you warn him to bow?"

"Yes, o' course I did. He jus' didn't listen. Jus' like 'is father."

"I believe it. If anyone could be more proud than a Hippogriff, it would be him." She sat down, too. "It wasn't your fault."

"Tha' won't stop Draco from makin' a fuss. Mark my words."

"I'll help you any way I can."

"Perhaps...well, no, I wouldn't wanna ask."

"Ask what?"

Hagrid looked from Rain to McGonagall. "I'd like to take on an assistant, if yer interested. I know I haf to ask yer head of house, so, what do you say, Rain? Minerva? It's a bit more than gradin' papers, mind. These're animals, but you proved yourself up to the task."

Rain lit up with excitement and she, too, looked at McGonagall. "Oh yes, please Professor McGonagall? Could I?"

"As long as your extra responsibilities don't interfere with your studies, I see no reason why not. I can't deny that Hagrid would put your abilities to great use, and you'd be a tremendous help to him on days like today."

Rain's smile swept away the last remnants of the boggart.

"I can do it. I _will_ do it."

"Come nex year, you'll be after me job I reckon," Hagrid laughed. "Maybe I've made a mistake."

Lupin finally spoke, his voice reminding Rain of the kind, gentle person she met before he became her teacher. "No, she'll be in the Forbidden Forest, won't you Ms. Marquis?"

"That's right," Rain answered. "And now you know why."

* * *

Lupin walked back to the castle alone. Rain had a rare gift, one that he'd only read about a handful of times. She almost told him in the pub the first time they met before they were interrupted. And then he realized: the pub, their first meeting, both feeling as though they could read each other's thoughts. Could he, a werewolf, have been "speaking" to her, only he didn't realize it? Of course the wolf wasn't the one sitting at the bar, but even in his unchanged state, Lupin could take on some tendencies of his other side. If his theory were true, then as someone who could speak to animals, Rain could have naturally tuned into him and the silent communication that most animals use with their eyes, mouths and every other part of their bodies.

It was almost too bizarre to be true, but if it were, it would mean Lupin must take extra caution around Rain, even more than he'd already resolved. During their time together, he must make a great effort to conceal any feelings beyond appropriate esteem, lest trouble would come knocking. If he wanted her, she would know. If even the most subtle inkling to think of her lips against his popped into his memory she would see straight through him.

 _Shouldn't be too difficult_ , he said to himself. _It was a single kiss that provided nothing but momentary excitement. It meant nothing...and I feel nothing._

* * *

Rain walked to Hogsmeade that Saturday to visit her aunt, as she usually did as long as she didn't have any homework. The first weekend held a longstanding tradition among the professors at the school to come into the pub for ale, fried pickles and cheese. Rosmerta would need the extra help.

"I'm back!" Rain called up the steps when she walked into the empty pub before it opened.

"Oh Rain, good! Could you get the oil on?" Rosmerta called.

Rain walked into the kitchen and grabbed the oil, flour, pickles and eggs. As she mixed the flour and spices together, she wondered if Lupin would attend with the rest. Their exchange during the Care of Magical Creatures incident felt like the first pleasant moment between them since school started. If only he didn't continue to act as though he despised her she would be satisfied. Almost.

Deep down, what she really wanted wouldn't change, nor would it ever come. When he asked her to stay after class it wasn't to scold her again but to help. That lifted her spirits. Or was he just fulfilling his professional obligations? Thus far her instincts concerning him had entirely misled her. If she were to sit and narrate his thoughts nothing would match against his behavior. One day he's kissing her and leaving, and the next he's pushing her away and urging her to share her deepest fears. Unfortunately for Rain, the attraction she harbored for him remained a constant ache in her chest that swelled and subsided at his mood swings. It was always there, though, just as stubborn as the girl who fought it.

When she had the pitchers and platters ready, the clock struck opening hour. Rain cursed that she didn't have time to change or wash the white dust out of her hair, but still pointed her wand at the door to unlock it and flip the sign. Within minutes, the bell chimed and in walked a variety of feet, from Professor Flitwick's to Hagrid's. Rain levitated the tables and chairs in order to form a better seating arrangement for the diverse crowd.

In came Lupin after Madam Hooch. Rain smoothed her apron and brushed the hair out of her eyes. She smiled as he walked past her, but he didn't even turn his head. He took a seat and acted like she didn't exist. Rain set out twenty glasses on the counter, readied some bottles and approached the table, telling herself he hadn't seen her.

"Hello everyone!" Rain greeted. "Before I get a round going, might I say, since I love that I can, that you must all be on your best behavior this afternoon. Especially you, Professor Snape."

Everyone had a good chuckle, except, of course, for Snape, who loathed that he couldn't remove points from Gryffindor on a weekend outside of school. Requests for butterbeer, meade, firewhiskey and rum came from around the table. Each time someone named a drink, Rain flicked her wand and a bottle behind her came to life, filled one of the empty glasses on the counter, and flew to the witch or wizard who ordered it.

"Good heavens, you didn't learn that in _my_ class, did you?" Professor Flitwick joked.

"It's a family skill," said Rosmerta as she brought the food platters out from the kitchen.

"And you, Professor Lupin?" Rain said, trying her hardest not to look like she'd been waiting to say his name.

Still, he did not look at her. "None for me, thank you."

"Then I suppose my job is done," Rain replied, not unaware of the double meaning. She walked to her place behind the counter and sat on the stool with a huff, waving her wand and summoning a firewhiskey. _So we're back to this_ , she thought.

They were an easy enough crowd. Of course, Rain knew they would be. In her time between refilling plates and mugs, she topped off her own drink. The door chimed and students entered, but most enjoyed what remained of summer by staying outside. Rain washed a few dishes and filled the salt shakers by hand. Once or twice she tried catching Lupin's eye, but to the same effect as before. She rested her chin in her hand and noticed the book that sat below the cash register. Rosmerta's book, the one by Lord Byron. Her boredom and a little booze dictating her actions, she checked to make sure no one was watching and slid the book out of its hiding place and onto her lap, opening to a poem. A young man, an older woman, midsummer night passion and seduction between two forbidden -

"Ms. Marquis?" Lupin said, suddenly in front of her.

She jumped up. The book fell from her lap with enough force to slide a little ways across the floor and into plain view of them both. Rain blushed so deeply that now she avoided looking at him, instead checking her pockets for the small notebook on which she wrote everyone's order.

"Are...are you leaving?" she stammered.

"Y-yes, I just wanted to pay for myself."

Finally finding the notebook, she flipped erratically through the pages and then remembered: "Did you even get anything?"

"Well, no, but I'm a part of the group and I know you worked hard to make the food and-"

"You want to give me a tip?"

"I guess that's what you'd call it."

"In that case, I'll say none for me, thank you." Rain walked around the counter and picked up the book. The sudden movement made her dizzy and she closed her eyes hard until the world decided to spin normally again. The bell on the door chimed and when she opened them, a blonde, stern, and impeccably dressed man strolled in.

"Mr. Malfoy." Rosmerta paused in her conversation with Professor McGonagall at the table to rise and greet him. "To what do I owe the...pleasure?"

"Madam, it will be no surprise that I'm only here on official Ministry business."

"None at all."

"I've simply come to warn you that beginning tomorrow, the dementors of Azkaban will pay semi regular visits to your pub, along with every other shop in Hogsmeade, in order to find mass murderer, Sirius Black."

Rain's face went white.

"Of course, if, by chance, you happen to see him sooner, you are required to inform the Ministry at once and we will stop these bothersome searches immediately."

"That's going to be terrible for business," Rosmerta replied, crossing her arms.

"If your employees have time to read Muggle fiction while on the clock now, I doubt things can get too much worse for you."

Rain scowled at him, then opened her mouth to retort but Rosmerta shushed her with a look.

"Good day, Mr. Malfoy."

The wizard made a small bow of his head before turning and walking out the door.

Lupin tried to ease the tension. "Lucius Malfoy taught the dementors everything they know."

Despite herself, Rain smiled, but too quickly the dread she felt upon knowing the dementors would float into the pub the next day crushed her amusement like a boot over a fleeing insect.

"I need to get back, Aunt Rose. Back to Hogwarts." Rain put the book back under the counter and untied her apron.

"I doubt they'll come too early, Rain. You always stay Saturdays."

"I'll stay next Saturday," she said, not stopping for further argument. "I must go. I...I told Hagrid I would be his assistant. He may need me for something."

"Dear, Hagrid is still sitting right..." The door slammed and Rain was off. "...in here."

Rosmerta sighed. Lupin took advantage of the privacy between him and the barmaid. "As your niece's teacher, is there anything in particular I should be aware of?"

"Sorry to sound rude, but if she needs help, she'll ask you."

His eyebrows rose. "Is that so?"

Rosmerta studied him, sizing him up. "It doesn't take long to know it isn't, but she's not a child anymore. I can't fight her battles. What I will say, because I think it's important you know, is that I'm all the family she has. No mother, no father, so don't ask her about them. I'll leave it at that."

* * *

"You're back?" Violet asked. Rain found her on the quidditch field getting ready to practice for tryouts the following week.

"The dementors are going to search the pub tomorrow."

"I see."

"And Lupin hardly said one sentence to me the whole time. Just when I thought we had moved past it."

"I'm sure he had his reasons," Violet replied, putting on her leather gloves. "Maybe he just wanted to focus on getting to know his fellow staff members. It must be strange being 'that new Defense teacher' when the position has such a reputation. Plus, I mean, that _is_ the first time he's been back to the pub since you snogged him. He needs some new associations. Monday will be better, you'll see."

"He also found me reading _Don Juan_. I don't have to explain how embarrassing it was."

Violet laughed. "Now _that_ you deserved. Why were you reading it in the first place?"

"I was bored."

"And drunk?"

"Maybe. A little."

"Are you still?"

"No. The news about the dementors rather cleared my mind."

"Perfect, then watching me won't make you dizzy. I need you to tell me how much I should have practiced over summer."

* * *

"Good morning everyone, good morning," Lupin said as he walked down the stairs from his office to the DADA classroom. The chatter faded away as students stored their bags and readied their parchment. "I have an announcement. I spent last week observing your skills and I have decided that our first objective will be non verbal spells."

"Shhh!" he heard someone say in the back of the room, but paid it no mind.

"You should have learned them last year, but, alas, I'm sure Professor Lockhart had his reasons for delaying. I, however, believe that the short seconds it takes to verbalize a spell can mean the difference between life and death."

Then he heard another sound, more like a hiss. He tried harder to locate who made it and noticed Rain signaling her hands towards the shelf by the window.

"Is there a problem, Ms. Marquis?"

She shook her head. "Sorry, Professor."

Lupin continued. "After non verbal spells and a few other sixth year objectives, you will learn to conjure a patronus. I was going to wait until later in the year, but I think it would be better to start early so everyone has time to master it."

Again, Rain hissed. Losing his patience, Lupin spoke a bit louder than he meant to. "Ms. Marquis, if you continue to disrupt the class, I'm going to have to give you detention."

Rain stood up with her bag. "If I could just move to a different seat-"

"Fine," he waved his hand. She settled in a desk on the other side of the room. "So now we can begin. Everyone please choose a partner, one that won't be tempted to hex you."

The students laughed and paired up, spending the rest of the class doing basic things like levitating their partners' books and turning their hair green.

"I encourage you to continue practicing all spells non verbally. You have to make your thoughts as clear as your words, or else the spell will be ineffective. Until Wednesday."

Everyone gathered their things and headed to lunch except for Rain. Lupin felt awkward for scolding her, having already developed a distaste for the disciplinary side of his job.

"I apologize for disrupting. It wasn't intentional."

Lupin didn't say anything; he didn't want her to stay long.

"It's just...your grindylow is quite upset. He believes his tank is too small."

It suddenly dawned on him. _Of course_ , he thought. He'd ordered the animal for the third year class and left it on the shelf by the window. Rain must have been speaking to him. He still couldn't adjust to how peculiar he found the idea.

"Would you mind keeping him in your office during our lessons?"

"I...think I can do that, yes," he nodded.

"I'm looking forward to learning the patronus."

"Ah. Good."

Rain looked down and around, searching for something else to say. Lupin didn't give her the chance.

"You'll want to be off to lunch, then. Have a pleasant afternoon, Ms. Marquis."

He closed his folder and made for the stairs. No pleasantries, no locking eyes, and no hope for anything further.


	4. Chapter 4

Lupin behaved in a similar manner towards Rain the following weeks during class. Short sentences and minimal contact. When other students stayed behind or asked questions he welcomed them to his desk or office with careful and thorough consideration of their inquiries. Even Violet had no explanation or words of comfort; the deep-seeded grudge he held was clear. It grew to the point where Rain relied on her to approach him if she needed clarification on a spell. He must have known given the number of times he remarked, "You seem to have a handle on that technique, Violet, but we can go over it once more."

Rain never stayed after again and Lupin felt satisfied that she understood his intentions, or lack thereof. He'd even managed to stop thinking of her in his off time as long as he occupied it with a heavy dose of work or reading. The rest of the school year could remain just as uneventful if he persisted with the same stale routine, though he took no pride in the fact that Rain's best friend had virtually replaced him as her teacher. It was the only way. At least they would soon begin work on the patronus and her fears around the dementors would lessen. He could take some respite in that. He had a feeling that she and Harry shared a common trait in that a dementor acted in the same capacity as a boggart: both had experienced something terrible, both had lost their parents, and both had memories, no matter how vague, that would replay at the sight of either creature. Then the shame returned. While he promised to help Harry as best he could, he'd prodded Rain beneath the skin before completely deserting her to navigate the waters alone. What tragedies had she endured? What could have caused her to recoil in fear at the thought of him revealing the boggart again after class? The few staff members he discreetly asked responded in the same way: "She's never told me."

By some beginner's luck, the first full moon of term landed on a Saturday night. Lupin rested on Sunday and was back to class Monday. He looked like hell, but he assumed his students would prefer it over Snape as a substitute. He lied and said he'd taken ill and no one batted an eye.

The next month was a different story.

* * *

The evening before the October full moon brought an event that horrified the staff and students at Hogwarts: the portrait of the Fat Lady guarding the Gryffindor tower hung mutilated, its occupant nowhere in sight. Only a shrill scream indicated her location in a distant portrait, hiding for her life. When found, she gave the explanation that everyone feared but expected.

"It's him, Headmaster, the one they all talk about...Sirius Black!"

Rain had gone upstairs early and changed into her pajamas for the evening, cuddling into bed with a book and a mug of ice cream. Sometimes it would help take her mind off of Lupin, and others, the sugar rush would keep her up all night thinking about him. She didn't do herself any favors in that she chose to read love poems by Pablo Neruda. Even translated from Spanish they articulated her exact feelings, word for word.

All except one:

 _...if little by little you stop loving me_  
 _I shall stop loving you little by little._

 _If suddenly_  
 _you forget me_  
 _do not look for me,_  
 _for I shall already have forgotten you._

 _If you think it long and mad,_  
 _the wind of banners_  
 _that passes through my life,_  
 _and you decide_  
 _to leave me at the shore_  
 _of the heart where I have roots,_  
 _remember_  
 _that on that day,_  
 _at that hour,_  
 _I shall lift my arms_  
 _and my roots will set off_  
 _to seek another land._

How she wished that could be true. The daily, sometimes hourly rejection of something as simple as a smile hadn't persuaded her to seek another land. It made her want to bury herself in the one she stood on.

Violet burst into the room out of breath. "You have to come now! Sirius Black is in the castle and tried to break into the common room and everyone is going to sleep in the Great Hall tonight while the teachers search for him!"

Rain didn't have to be told twice. She jumped from the bed as if fleeing a house fire, leaving all of her belongings except for what was already in her hands. To delay and deposit them would bring certain death by a mass murderer. This meant that she walked into the Great Hall barefoot, wearing an old Weird Sisters t-shirt and baggy shorts, holding a mug of ice cream and a book. Everyone else had yet to change out of their casual Saturday attire.

"Can I borrow your jacket?" Rain asked Violet. "I look ridiculous."

"No one is going to notice, Rain. _Sirius Black_ is outside. They have more important things to do."

"I think you've overestimated our Slytherin friends."

Sure enough, as they passed a group of students in green, they pointed their fingers and laughed.

"Let's just come over here," Violet said, taking her by the arm to another corner.

In an effort to keep the students from straying out of the Hall, house elves delivered sleeping bags within minutes and everyone settled in. They were allowed to talk, read or play chess. Rain just continued with her book and ice cream while Violet discussed quidditch with some of the other Gryffindors. Hermione Granger walked around asking if anyone had seen her cat, Crookshanks, with Ron Weasley following her, insisting he'd disappeared to eat his rat, Scabbers, who had gone missing again.

At 9 o'clock the lights turned out. Thus far, no one had found Black. Two teachers guarded the doorway, rotating out every hour or so. Presently Lupin paced alongside Professor Sprout, sometimes stopping to inspect the hallways at an odd sound. Rain lay awake on her side with her head resting on her arm, watching him. She felt safe knowing he was there. He put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the wall in thought. Then he looked up and saw her. Rain's first instinct was to turn to her other side and pretend she hadn't been staring, but then she heard a voice that did not come from his lips. It belonged to a male from somewhere outside the room. Lupin didn't seem to hear it because he gave no reaction. Rain got up quickly, her eyes seeking the source until she arrived at the entrance to the Hall.

"Do you hear that?" she asked.

"What? What is it?" Lupin asked, standing upright.

She heard it again.

 _Padfoot? Are you there?_

"Padfoot?" she whispered, almost to herself.

His eyes bulged. "What name did you just say?"

"I heard a voice asking for someone called Padfoot. Do you know who that is?"

Lupin looked like he'd seen a ghost. Rain heard the voice again, this time echoing down the stairs. "It's moving," she said, and without hesitation, ran after it.

"Pomona, stay here," Lupin said and he took off after her.

Rain was already down the stairs and through a corridor. The voice remained one step ahead, no matter how fast she ran. She could hear Lupin's footsteps trailing hers.

 _Padfoot! Where are you?_

They rounded a darkened corner. " _Lumos!"_ Rain shouted and her wand lit. Instead of revealing the identity of the voice, the next passage lay empty. Her eyes scanned the vast space while she tried to catch her breath. "Someone should have been here."

Lupin, too, investigated but soon accepted that they were alone.

"I don't understand. I know I heard it," Rain said.

"I believe you," Lupin replied.

"...You do?"

"Yes. There's no way you could have known-well, nevermind. I need to get you back to the Great Hall, and quickly."

Checking one last time, Rain turned and followed him the way they came. The eerie quiet between them stung.

"You know," she said, "you don't have to continue with the silent treatment."

"I'm not-"

"You never call on me in class, you never comment on my papers beyond a grade and you certainly don't speak to me one-on-one. I get it. I can promise there is no danger of me instigating anything further with you. But I might point out that I'm the only one you address by their last name."

He didn't respond, but Rain could hear him breathing beside her as they walked. When she side glanced she noticed a layer of sweat on his forehead. His hands were tightly fisted.

She stopped. "Are you all right?"

"I...I'm fine, I...we need to get you back to your classmates."

"Yes, you said that already," she replied, taking a step towards him to get a better look. "But I'm worried you..." she reached up to feel his forehead.

In an instant his hand flew up and grabbed her wrist, hard. " _Don't_." Heat radiated off of his palm onto her skin. Just as quickly as he took hold of her, he let go. "I'm sorry. Please go...go back to the Great Hall. You'll be safe there."

Rain was so shocked that she couldn't find it in herself to feel angry. "I don't think Sirius Black is going to come back tonight. Unless..."

He refused to look at her. His eyes were glued to the floor as he continued to inhale and exhale rapidly. And for some reason that Rain couldn't understand, she feared him. A voice in her head told her to get away, run if she had to, but she knew the man before her to be undoubtedly kind-natured.

Lupin explained himself. "Sirius Black used to go by the name of Padfoot. So he... _he_ is still a risk."

"Did you know him?" Rain asked in surprise.

"He was one of my best friends," Lupin answered. "And I think I'm just a little overwhelmed. Forgive me."

Rain shook her head, trying to keep her mouth from falling open. "No...it's all right. I can imagine."

"Now if you could please go back to the Hall, it's not far. I must go."

He didn't stay to hear her answer. He immediately turned and rushed down the stairs into the shadows.

* * *

Lupin awoke Monday morning laying on the floor of the Shrieking Shack. The wolfsbane kept him sane and mostly comfortable during his transformation, but didn't erase the sensation of being torn apart and glued back together when it was over. He felt as though his edges still poked and prodded his skin. Dressing in the spare clothes he brought, he used the underground passage to return to the castle. The early hour meant everyone still slumbered in their beds, unaware of his brutalized appearance.

The previous day, Lupin closed himself in his room and requested his meals be brought by a house elf. He felt bad asking them to do the extra work, but since parting from Rain, her scent lingered in his nostrils. The hand he used to stop her touch quivered. And his mind, so clouded by the wolf's animal instincts, could not be rid of her. Out of all of the students to go running from the Great Hall, why her, and why in half the amount of clothing as usual? The time and effort he spent distancing himself didn't make one bit of difference in the end, and it terrified him to know that each full moon could potentially stir in him feelings that could not come to be. Had he not left her when he did they might have materialized whether Rain wanted them to or not, and in ways that would stun both. He only hoped she believed his discomposure stemmed from Sirius's break-in.

He rested Monday as Snape covered his classes and took comfort in knowing by Wednesday, with his seventh years, he would be back to himself: calm, rational, and in control. The wolf would have to lay dormant until next month.

* * *

"Woah, Professor, what happened to you?" a boy asked Wednesday morning.

Lupin looked better. Madam Pomfrey did all she could to cover the cuts and ease the pain in his leg, however, his fatigued demeanor could not hide under magic. He smiled, "I was ill, but I'm all right now."

"Again?"

"It happens a lot when I move to a new place."

 _How long will this lie last?_ he thought. Someone would notice eventually that his absences and grey hairs grew more frequent after the full moon, particularly a young woman who sat at her desk giving him the most quizzical look, wondering if his words were true.

"We're coming upon our final weeks of nonverbal spells. You've mastered simple and intermediate spells, now all that is left is the ability to perform advanced and complex spells without speaking them. I believe you have all made tremendous progress and will be ready to move on to the patronus soon."

Sipping on some pepperup potion disguised in a coffee mug, Lupin watched the class from his seat, happy for the extra rest. At the end of the period as the students filed out, Rain took her time picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. He thought she would stay and question him, but, keeping with his instructions, instead smiled sadly and walked to lunch.

* * *

After all of the anticipation of becoming Hagrid's assistant, the recent case filed against Buckbeak by Lucius Malfoy terrified him. His classes went from engaging and worldly to dull and lifeless, poking and prodding small, harmless creatures and reading chapters in the monster book. Rain did, indeed, end up grading papers the majority of her time in his office. She helped Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks on the weekends while Violet devoted the beginning of November to practicing quidditch. Her parents disapproved of her love of the sport, so playing over summer never happened. In the common room the night before the first match, she grew too restless to study.

"You've spent more time than usual on the field," remarked Rain. "You're gonna knock 'em dead tomorrow."

"If I don't, Oliver will have a meltdown."

"Oliver has fifteen meltdowns every match. Why do they bother you now?"

"They don't!" Violet replied, fidgeting. "It just...gets a little tiring after a while."

"Wait, do you _like_ Oliver? Is that why you've been practicing so much lately?"

"No!" Violet defended.

"Oh, Vi, he's such a flirt. Don't go after him! They're always trouble."

"I'm not! Bloody hell."

"Good."

Violet plopped into a chair beside Rain. "And even if I did, he would never look at me like that."

Rain studied her friend. Violet stood much shorter than Rain, and quieter by nature, but in the moment, in her uniform, in the sky on the quidditch field she could be fearsome. Not to mention her large brown almond eyes and smooth black hair could make any movie starlet envious.

"Then he's a _stupid_ flirt at that."

"But he'll notice if I score, so that's what I'm going to do."

Rain didn't tell her about the prediction for thunderstorms the following day. Between the match and pining for the quidditch captain, Violet had enough to worry about.

* * *

Rain climbed the steps to the grandstands with her umbrella tucked under her arm. The sky would open any minute. She took a seat among the other Gryffindors in the front row so she could keep an eye on Violet. More people arrived, filling in the empty spaces one by one. To Rain's surprise, Lupin was among them.

"Does this mean you're on our side, Professor?" asked Seamus Finnigan.

"Oh no, I can't choose favorites," Lupin laughed. "But I will say that I was in Gryffindor house when I attended Hogwarts."

"No surprise there," said Dean Thomas. "The best teachers were always Gryffindors first."

"Why thank you, Dean," Lupin replied humbly with a small bow.

Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrow at him. "Along with all the best rule-breakers," she added.

Lupin shrugged his shoulders and everyone looked bewildered but impressed, obviously wanting to hear a detailed account of what McGonagall meant.

"Rain!" It was Violet. She had run up the stairs to get a word in before the match. "What am I going to do? I can see the lightning coming. It's getting closer!"

"Calm down, calm down," Rain said, pulling her to a bench and taking deep breaths so her friend would follow suit. The other people stepped back to make room. "Just keep your eye on the quaffle. Stick to that ball like a magnet and tune everything else out. Well, except for the bludgers."

"What if I get struck?"

"If lightning strikes, it will probably hit the hoops. They're higher than you."

"Are you saying I shouldn't fly above the hoops?"

"Darling," Rain said, pulling her up. The match was about to begin. "Do whatever you need to do to _crush_ Hufflepuff. We'll worry about the storm later."

The other students cheered.

"Now go!" Rain said, giving her a pat on the back.

With that, her friend was off. When Madam Hooch blew her whistle, the drops of water began to fall. Even with the warlike cry of hundreds of students shouting, "Go Go Gryffindor!" the thunder claps that followed made everyone jump. In minutes, the rain grew so heavy that it masked the players in a grey sheen impossible to see all the way through. Harry would have a difficult time spotting the snitch in this weather, much less catching it.

Rain thought she could make out Violet's Nimbus. Katie Bell threw her the quaffle and she barely caught it with her broom flailing in the wind, and then sped towards the end of the field. At the same time, Harry and the Hufflepuff seeker bolted up towards the sky in pursuit of the snitch. That's when it happened. A bright flash of lightning struck the center hoop, just missing Violet. The scare was enough to send her backwards off of her broom and tumbling to the ground.

Rain screamed and ran from her seat. She took the stairs as fast as she could and crossed the muddy grass. The field was in chaos as players dropped left and right. Madam Hooch readied to call the match. Rain found her friend laying on her side, not moving.

"Violet!" she called, dropping to her hands and knees to inspect her. She found a pulse and saw her chest rise and fall. She was alive, but injured.

The air abruptly grew ten degrees colder and the noise from the stadium diminished to a blur. Black hooded figures appeared as specks floating in the sky, drifting closer and closer to the ground until one hovered right before Rain. Her arm swung behind her and her knees shifted to her front. She scooted back, terrified. The dementor made a raspy hiss and pursued.

 _Rain, run until you reach the village!_

Rain shook her head and covered her ears.

 _Don't look back! Go!_

She screamed for the memory of her father's words to stop until another voice boomed above her.

" _Expecto patronum_!"

She raised her eyes. Lupin stood between her and the dementor with his wand up emitting a brilliant light. The creature flew back as if a wind were blowing it away. She felt its absence immediately. Blood rushed warmth to her fingers and toes, but her chest was still frostbitten. She hugged her knees and buried her face, trying to catch her breath, unable to keep from sobbing.

Lupin bent down in front of her. "Eat this."

He pulled something from his jacket pocket: chocolate.

Rain shook her head.

"I know it's difficult, but you must."

"I can't," she replied, pushing it away.

Lupin took her hand, set the chocolate on her palm, then closed it, keeping his hand atop hers. "Please try...Rain."

Just then, Dumbledore's voice, louder even than the weather, firmly shouted, " _Arresto momentum_!"

Not twenty paces away, the body of Harry Potter stopped, suspended in mid-air. He'd fallen from his broomstick and the dementors responded like hunting dogs after a scent. The Headmaster himself entered the field and summoned a patronus so strong that it blasted every one of them from sight. Lupin ran to help him and Madam Hooch scooped up Violet.

The match was over.


	5. Chapter 5

Violet awoke in the hospital wing with Rain beside her. A student occupied almost every bed in the room. Madam Pomfrey cursed the quidditch match under her breath each time she had to pour a dose of medicine.

"Did we win?" Violet asked.

Rain sighed in relief. No memory loss, at least. "They're giving this match to Hufflepuff, I'm afraid. How do you feel?"

Violet grimaced. "Hungry. How long was I out?"

"About an hour. The match...ended soon after you fell."

"What happened?"

"I ran out to check on you and for some reason the dementors, they...they just flew out onto the field. They went after Harry...and they went after me too, and probably others. They were everywhere."

Violet's look of deep concern, despite being the one in the hospital bed, moved Rain to tears. "And they...?"

"Yes."

Violet grabbed her hand. "That's terrible, Rain. I wish there was something I could have done."

Rain cleared her throat, trying to stay calm, and squeezed Violet's hand back. "Don't be silly. I'm just happy you're all right. The only thing you should worry about now is feeling better."

"What did you hear?"

"Not much. Lupin came and...well, he saved me. There isn't any other word for it."

"You should tell him that."

"I would have to tell him everything if I did, otherwise he wouldn't understand. I don't know if it's something I'm willing to do with a man who wants nothing to do with me."

"From the sound of it, that may not be the case."

"Why shouldn't it be? Nothing has changed between us."

"If it's as you said and the dementors rushed the field, then out of everyone to protect, he found you. That has to count for something."

Rain shrugged. "Maybe. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but what I _will_ do is go get you some food. I don't want to be in the way when Oliver comes to check on you."

"What?" Violet said, sitting up and smoothing her hair.

Rain rose and walked to the door. As she passed through the entrance, she almost ran into Lupin coming in.

"Sorry," they both mumbled, then recognized each other.

"Oh," Lupin said quickly. "I've just come to check on Harry,"

Rain nodded. "He's awake now I think."

"Good." He turned to take another step, but Rain stopped him.

"Look, I...I must thank you. For what you did."

"You don't have to thank me. It's my job."

She smiled, swallowing down the disappointment. "But I have to do mine and say that I'm grateful. It's important to say thank you when you mean it."

Lupin closed his eyes for a moment. "Of course it is. I'm sorry."

Rain chuckled. "I forgive you for not being more grateful that I'm grateful."

Lupin smiled too.

"Now I've kept you too long. Harry will be wanting to speak with you. I'll see you in class, Professor."

* * *

"The patronus is one of the most useful spells you will learn in your academic career. It can be used for a variety of purposes, but for now, we can focus on thwarting any unwanted visits by the dementors since they seem to enjoy crossing the boundaries that Professor Dumbledore has set forth."

Lupin gave his first lecture on the patronus the day of the November moon. He hated asking Snape to cover more than once a month, and seeing how tomorrow his exhaustion would keep him from standing longer than an hour at a time, he would have to power through as best he could until evening. Among other symptoms, his senses were especially receptive that morning. He tried not to jump at the sound of a quill falling or a student sneezing.

"Conjuring a patronus may sound easy; just think of your fondest memory. But in the moment, in front of a dementor whose power comes from sucking the joy from your very soul, remembering happy times can be incredibly difficult."

He couldn't help but glance at Rain. Her eyes were downcast.

"This is a spell that seems impossible but will become easier the more you practice it. If you master the patronus in this classroom first, using it in the real world should come naturally. Now repeat after me the incantation: _expecto patronum_!"

The classroom said his words in unison. " _Expecto patronum_!"

"Very good. Now I would like you to find a partner and tell each other your happiest memories. Describe them. Relive the joy you felt when they happened. Then try the spell."

The students spread out around the room. They sat talking at first, then two by two stood up and tried their hand. Lupin could hear sounds of frustration and suggestions of a happier memory. Rain's voice chimed in. He heard her from a distant corner as though she spoke right beside him.

"Not so much as a spark came from my wand," she sighed.

"Let me try," Violet said. She closed her eyes, raised her wand, and piped, " _Expecto patronum_!" Nothing.

To Lupin's amazement, two blonde Slytherin girls produced faint outlines of their patronuses remarkably early on. One of them strutted over to Rain and Violet.

"You know, it takes _just_ the right kind of happy memory to give that wand a boost."

Rain looked at her suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

"I'll give you a hint: there's a little game that boys and girls like to play, and the winner gets quite a prize."

Violet gasped. "Ohmygod, she means-"

Rain put her hand up to silence her. "I know what she means."

The blonde crossed her arms. "Unless, of course, you've never done it."

 _I should not be hearing this. I should not be hearing this,_ Lupin thought _._

Rain narrowed her eyes. "I don't think that's any of your business."

"Just trying to help."

"Doubtful."

Rain turned back to Violet and they walked to a different part of the room.

"It might be worth a try," Violet shrugged.

"It won't work," Rain replied.

"But I thought you said you had?"

"I have, it's just..."

"What?"

"I never...I don't think..."

"I'm not exactly experienced, Rain, you're going to have to spit it out."

Rain took a deep breath and looked up. "I think there should have been...more to it. When it happened. What I mean to say is, it didn't feel...amazing. Okay, but not amazing. Nothing like what I've read about."

 _I definitely should not be hearing this_ , Lupin told himself. He took a drink of water and walked around the room, trying to drown out her voice which had muted the others. Even when he was successful, his own thoughts sprung to life, surprising him with their intensity.

 _Someone else has touched her? Who?_

 _It doesn't matter. Why should it matter? She's not yours and never can be. She can do as she likes._

"Never, any of the times?" Violet asked.

"You mean _either_ time? Because it happened twice. Ever."

"Well, there was the one guy you were friends with..."

"And we should have _stayed_ friends."

"And the other one, what was his name?"

"Oh yes," Rain groaned. "Robert, with the band. And he was the _last_ one, I'll remind you."

"So neither of them...?"

"Maybe I'm just doing something wrong. I should _know_ when it happens, right?"

"Beats me," Violet said. "I'm still over here using my eleventh birthday party as my memory."

Both girls looked at each other and laughed. Rain eyed Oliver practicing his patronus with his partner.

"For now. What did your fearless captain say when he visited you in the hospital wing?"

Violet rolled her eyes. "'I'm glad you weren't struck by lightning.'"

"His romance floors me."

They laughed again.

"That's all for today," Lupin announced a minute or two earlier than he should have. He'd heard enough of their conversation for one class period. "I will see you all on Wednesday. Very well done!"

* * *

While Rain and Violet sat at lunch after DADA, Hagrid approached. "Rain, I was hopin' to ask a favor."

"Sure, Hagrid, what is it?"

"I 'ave to make a visit to the ministry. 'Bout Buckbeak, see."

The half giant already struggled to speak, his emotions overwhelming him. Rain looked towards the Slytherin table where Draco Malfoy watched with a sick kind of satisfaction. She couldn't have felt more disgusted by anyone. It wasn't enough that Buckbeak had to be confined to the pumpkin patch outside of Hagrid's hut. He and his ruthless father pushed for the harshest punishment available: death. Nothing had yet been decided.

"I was wonderin' if you could feed Fang tomorrow. I don't want to disrup' your classes, but he'll be needin' to eat."

"Of course. I'll get up early and feed him before classes start. I wish there was more I could do for you, Hagrid. What if I went to the Ministry and testified? I could tell Buckbeak's side of the story."

"I already asked," he replied. "They said there'd be no way'f knowin' you were tellin' the truth. The cut on Draco's arm'll be the only solid thing they see."

"I can help you," said Hermione Granger at the other side of the table. She'd been listening to the whole conversation. "I think I remember reading about another case against a hippogriff in which the animal won."

"Oh, Hermione, that would be perfect!" Rain said. "Then Fudge will have to take it seriously."

"We can 'ope," Hagrid said. "Now I best be off."

* * *

The next morning Rain closed the door to Hagrid's tiny hut behind her, leaving Fang dozing next to the dimly-lit fire. She replaced the key underneath the garden gnome and walked back to the castle. Buckbeak lay in the pumpkin patch, a single rope binding him to a post. Rain wondered how difficult it would be to let him go and make it look like an accident. She put the thought out of her head. Until the Ministry made its decision, such actions could wait.

Breakfast would start in half an hour. The chilly autumn air bit at her nose and ears so she crossed her arms over her chest and quickened her pace. She caught a glimpse of the Whomping Willow as it seemed to sleep alongside the rest of the world, but then noticed a man walking beneath it. What was he doing? Didn't he know how savage that tree could be? As he continued in the same direction as her, Rain recognized his features. It was Lupin. But his clothes were baggier and his hair messier than usual. Even from a distance she could see blood on his neck and dark circles under his eyes. He almost stumbled as he walked.

"Professor?" she asked.

Lupin's eyes shot up in terror. Then he relaxed. "Rain. It's you." He sounded as though he'd just done something physically strenuous, for he took several deep breaths afterwards. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just feeding Fang. Hagrid's gone to the Ministry."

Lupin nodded. "Ah, yes. That's right."

"And...you?" she asked.

He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"Were you in the Forbidden Forest? Were you looking for Sirius Black?"

Her questions seemed to catch him off guard.

"I'm afraid I cannot tell you the answer to that."

"I understand," Rain replied. "But, are you all right? You look ill. Is this what's really been happening the past few months?"

"I'm all right, I just need to rest. Snape will substitute for my classes today and I will be back tomorrow. Nothing to trouble yourself with."

He looked like he would have fallen asleep right there if he didn't have to stand up.

"I'll...walk another way," Rain said.

"No. You don't have do that."

Rain gingerly proceeded along the path beside him. They walked in silence at first, enjoying the sounds of morning. She was surprised when Lupin made conversation. "How did you like the Neruda?"

She couldn't help but smile that he noticed the book she carried to the Great Hall the night of Black's break in, much less told her so. Perhaps he felt too tired for charades that morning.

"You really have read every kind of fiction."

He side glanced at her. "Poetry isn't fiction."

"Perhaps. When do you find the time to read so much?" Rain asked, changing the subject.

"When do you?"

"Here and there."

"Well, so do I. Here and there."

She looked at him. "You're quite elusive, you know."

"I do know."

"Why?"

"Why are you?"

"There, you're doing it again," Rain replied. "And I'm not elusive!"

"Then tell me why you refused to face the boggart," Lupin said.

"That's a...very long story. One I've hardly told anyone."

"Yes, I know that, too."

"You do?"

They were nearing the entrance to the castle then.

"But I would like to hear it when you're ready," Lupin said.

"I don't know when that will be. Or if it will be."

"And I think you and I both know that you can't keep going on as you are. What will happen when you leave school and come upon these obstacles in your daily life? Even if you master your patronus it will do nothing to aid you there."

She looked down. "I...I'm not sure."

"There you have it: I can't possibly allow you to graduate without knowing how to defeat something as simple as a boggart. Hogwarts isn't meant to shield you, it's meant to prepare you. "

"It _would_ give me an excuse not to have to clean out any wardrobes or pantries," Rain joked. She had a bad habit of using humor to distract herself from facing reality.

"Nice try, but you won't get out of it that easily."

"I'll think about it. That's the best I can do."

"I'm satisfied, then. And now I had better go and get some sleep. I would be very appreciative if you didn't tell anyone you saw me this morning as you did. I wouldn't want to raise alarm."

"Of course."

"Thank you."

Lupin nodded his head and walked down the corridor leading to the DADA classroom with a bit of a limp. Rain watched, concerned, wishing she knew why, then climbed the stairway to the Great Hall. An idea sprung into her head. She may not be able to fix his problem, whatever it was, but there was a way to make it much more bearable.

* * *

Later that afternoon, after her classes finished, she took a trip into Hogsmeade to see Rosmerta. She waved hello to Allison, the new barmaid. Rain liked her, even if she could be a little clumsy. She went into the kitchen and found Rosmerta's famous split pea soup in a cauldron just shy of empty. As a customer favorite, it sold out quickly. Rain grabbed a bowl and a ladle.

"Have you had many customers today?" Rain asked her aunt.

"Yes, strange, they don't mind coming as long as the dementors are gone."

"I couldn't imagine why," Rain replied.

Rosmerta put her hand on her hip and studied her niece. "Perhaps when you come to stay the next few weekends you could bring something...nice to wear."

"What?" Rain asked.

"What I'm saying is, it might be good for business if we cleaned up a bit. You know, added some cheer to our dreary little pub."

Rain pretended to look hurt. "Do I not always look nice?"

"If we want to keep a roof over our heads we will have to look more than nice to counter the damage done by the dementors visiting. And by we, I mean you. I'm too old to flirt."

"I'm glad to know that when push comes to shove, I'll be the first one sold to pay the rent."

"Oh, dear, the rent costs much more than that."

Rain threw a dinner roll at her aunt, then grabbed another and put it in a sack beside the soup. "Very well. I will come in my Sunday finest from now on, but only until Sirius Black is caught."

"Oh no, Sunday finest won't do at all. Friday evening flash would be much more effective, if you know what I mean."

Rain gawked at her.

"If you throw another roll, you're going to personally stay and make more, young lady. By hand."

* * *

The next morning Lupin woke, dressed, and prepared his excuses for the students who would inevitably ask why he looked a wreck. He bobbed down the stairs from his room, which led directly into his office, trying to remember his conversation with Rain. It'd taken place on his walk back from the shack. Among other capacities of his body, logic, reason, and propriety all failed. He invited her to walk with him. He told her he'd watched her read. He aggressively dug at her buried memories, again, scolded her for not taking further steps to improve her defensive skills, and, in his greatest act of stupidity, offered his open ear. In other words, in one morning he'd smashed half of the bricks in the wall he'd meticulously built between them since September.

The day of the quidditch match when Violet fell from her broomstick, Lupin could already spot the dementors in the sky. The black floating figures could resemble no other being. His first thoughts flew to Rain. _Make sure she's safe_. But she'd already run from her seat to see to her unconscious friend.

When he saw her there on the ground trying desperately to escape from the thoughts in her head, begging the pursuing creature for reprieve, he'd never felt so angry. Didn't it understand she was an innocent? Didn't it understand it brought torment upon someone who'd done nothing wrong? He wanted to kill it, and would have, if a means existed. After the villain was gone and the match concluded her screams never stopped ringing in his ears. In fact, they grew louder by the day.

The offer Lupin made to Rain didn't come from a silly impulse. It came from knowing those screams were his fault. The hatred he felt towards the dementors was his fault. She wouldn't have cowered so vulnerably had he done his job and helped her from the beginning. His scolding her over her defensive skills was nothing short of atrocious given that he'd pushed her into isolation and for what, to keep himself from falling in love with her?

He arrived in his office as footsteps approached his door from the classroom.

"Lupin."

It was Snape, coming to give him the usual report on his missed class's instruction. He dropped a roll of parchment on the desk.

"Thank you, Severus, for substituting and for this month's batch of wolfsbane."

As much as he hated Snape, he could never show thanklessness to someone who aided his transformations, even if Dumbledore made him do it.

"Come next year, you may not have to rely on my expertise."

"Is that because you are planning to have my job for your own?"

"I have a seventh year student in my advanced class that plans to open a lab. Ms. Violet Merryweather. She intends to partner with Ms. Marayna Marquis."

Rain's name got his attention.

"It comes as no surprise that they want to work together," Lupin said.

"It will be especially interesting, if they can pull it off. Ms. Marquis is a walking disaster in the potions lab, but her ability to speak with beasts gives her an advantage."

Lupin smiled inwardly. He, too, blundered in that subject.

"She can locate plants in a fraction of the time it takes to find it by skill. She can ask a creature for direction, a unicorn for its hair and a bird for its feather. As I am sure you know, the expense from such potions as wolfsbane draws greatly from the rare components that typically take an expert months to find. It could bring about many changes, as they are planning to sell their remedies for a pittance of what they should."

"That seems very noble of them."

"Or foolish, as the young often are."

"I'm surprised you've never asked Ms. Marquis for ingredients," Lupin replied. "Or is that beneath you?"

"My stock needs no alterations."

"True, true," Lupin replied. "But out of curiosity, why are you telling me this? Could it be that you're trying to help?"

"Because with any luck, if they are successful, it means it will no longer be necessary for me to waste my valuable time concocting remedies for a werewolf."

Lupin nodded. "I should have suspected as much. Thank you for the...suggestion. I will make a point to keep a close eye on Ms. Marquis in the future." He cleared his throat. "And Ms. Merryweather, of course."

"Please do."

With that, Snape left. Lupin took the brief time remaining before class would start to reflect on the information he'd just received. When Rain said she wanted to work in the Forbidden Forest on the first day of class, and Lupin later learned she wanted to interact with the animals there, he never quite suspected her intentions would be as Snape described them. Out of everything she _could_ do, she would choose to help people with horrible afflictions, cut off from relief simply because they could not afford treatment. People like him.

Beside Snape's roll of parchment upon his desk sat a bag which he did not remember placing there himself. Curious, he opened it up and found a bowl of soup, some bread, and a vial with a small amount of clear liquid in it. A piece of paper sat propped up beside the bag. Though it wasn't signed, he knew who had written it.

 _A healing tear from Fawkes the phoenix._

 _He's a friend to me, as I hope I can be to you._


	6. Chapter 6

The next Saturday brought an unusually eventful trip to Hogsmeade. Rain's patronus improved, although not to perfection, and she felt more relaxed during her time at The Three Broomsticks. She arrived early and ate breakfast with her aunt, then Violet joined her to get ready for work. On that particular day, Oliver would be celebrating his birthday at the pub with a slew of other students and probably teachers. Being the Gryffindor quidditch captain, and in his final year at Hogwarts, he was very much admired by all. Violet stressed about her appearance sitting in front of the mirror while Rain tried to calm her by tidying her hair. As for Rain, she took Rosmerta's request to heart and wore a red shirt with a slightly lower cut than usual, but considering it revealed an ample amount of her freckles along with her cleavage, she couldn't be sure what it would accomplish. She paired it with a simple black skirt and tights, then curled her hair and applied mascara. At that, she felt she upheld her end of the bargain.

The pub filled faster than the glasses of butterbeer. The chilly weather outside gave no hint to the stifling heat inside, especially for Rain as she struggled to keep up with the volume of people making orders. On top of it all, she corrected any of the mistakes Allison made. When she had a free moment, she leaned against the bar and lifted her hair to uncover her neck, trying to cool off. She looked to the dining area and saw Oliver talking to another girl at a table while Violet sat with Angelina Johnson and Katie Bell, miserable, but trying to appear interested in their conversation.

The door opened and let a gust of cold air blow through the room. When Rain looked up, Lupin was walking inside. Several students begged him to come the previous day in class, but he never said for certain that he would be there. He looked to her spot at the bar. She released her hair, letting it fall down her back, and smiled at him. To her surprise, he smiled back. She knew that had her face and chest not already been flushed with the heat of the room that her blush would have given her away, but thankfully, for the moment, she could remain in disguise. It didn't stop him from approaching the counter as though she'd just screamed for him to be near her.

"What can I get you?" she asked casually when he arrived.

"Oh, nothing, thank you," he replied.

"I'm not sure you understand the purpose of a pub, Sir."

He laughed. "I actually just wanted to say thank you for the...extra credit work you did."

Rain understood his meaning. "I hope it helped."

"Very much so. I felt like a new man."

Rain flicked her wand and a butterbeer came sliding down the counter. "For you," she nodded.

"Me?"

"Yes. That was a simile, which is used in literature, and, as you know, those willing to discuss literature drink for free."

Lupin was about to protest when a group of Hufflepuffs walked into the bar and Oliver roared, "Another round!"

"I must fly," Rain said and was gone before he could say another word.

Lupin joined the crowd while Rain carried on waiting back and forth. Fred and George Weasley pushed two tables together and stood on top of them, singing happy birthday to Oliver and a slew of Irish drinking songs that everyone sang along with. At one point, George tried pulling Rain up to join them but she slapped his hand away playfully.

"Just one dance!" he called.

"There must be music to dance, George, music that is playing outside of your head. Another time, perhaps!"

Violet eventually sulked up to the bar. "Rain, what should I do?"

Rain chuckled, drying a glass. "Walk up to Oliver and say, 'I have a birthday present for you' and kiss him like your life depended on it."

It was a joke. Rain knew that. Violet should have known that. But apparently Violet had had more to drink than Rain realized, because without stopping to think, she stood from the bar and walked straight in Oliver's direction. When she noticed, Rain dropped the glass and tried to catch up to her.

"Violet, wait!"

But it was too late. Violet practically pushed the girl Oliver had been talking to out of the way, grabbed his tie and repeated, "I have a birthday present for you."

Perhaps she thought she only had one shot to get it right, because if it were possible to kiss with one's entire body, Violet managed it. Rain stopped and waited to see what would happen. Everyone else had the same idea. She held her breath and hoped that she wouldn't be comforting her sobbing friend in the bathroom later, trying to explain why she had decided to ruin her life.

Oliver stood back and looked at Violet as if ascertaining the identity of the person in front of him. Then he put his hand behind her neck and pulled her into him again, kissing her deeply. Everyone cheered. Rain put her hand on her chest and looked at the ceiling, then to the shards of glass on the floor from the broken cup.

" _Reparo!_ "

* * *

The next Saturday Rain dressed and made her way to Hagrid's office. He had another visit planned to the Ministry and asked her to do some filing before her trip to The Three Broomsticks. As the lowest teacher on the totem pole, he got the smallest and least organized office in the castle. Mismatched shelves stacked to the ceiling, some with drawers missing and others housing families of moths and bookworms. It was a good thing he took on an assistant as it didn't leave much available space for a man of Hagrid's size. Rain decided to make one shelf hers, organize it as efficiently as possible, and leave the rest to their occupants. The sun crept down the window and she readied to pack up and walk to Hogsmeade. She turned to store the last of her work when her wand, sitting atop the desk, rolled on its own volition off the edge and to the floor. The sound alerted her but when she searched for the source she saw nothing. The wand had disappeared, too.

"Peeves!" she shouted.

"You're too laaaate!" the phantom's voice sang.

"Give it back! Please? I have to go!"

"Oh bother. Then I suppose the gum in the key hole will make this especially tricky."

 _He didn't_.

Rain inspected the door and sure enough, a pink blob within the lock prevented her from turning the handle. Its mass filled the inside of the gadget and without her wand she would have an impossible time removing it before it petrified into solid rock.

The ghost, dressed in the garments of a courtroom jester, floated above in circles. "It's in here. Somewhere! My how my memory is fading."

"PEEVES!"

The silence told her the ghost had already left to find its next victim. She rushed to the shelves and opened the ones that weren't jammed shut. Nothing. She slammed on the door and called for help but on a Saturday evening who would find themselves anywhere near an abandoned row of old teachers' offices? Taking another look in the crevices she could reach, she decided to sit and wait for Hagrid to return. He did say he would return that night, didn't he?

An hour later she sat in front of the lock with an old quill trying to dig out pieces of the gum wad. She produced equal fragments of the feather with each scrape. The clock ticked away any hope of reaching the pub in time to help Rosmerta through its busiest stretches. Rain got so angry that she shook the handle and let out several screams.

"Peeves! Let me out! Let me out or...or I'm going to kill you! AGAIN!"

The lock clicked and she brightened.

"HA! The Bloody Baron found you, didn't he?!"

She looked up from her place on the floor and saw not Peeves, not the Bloody Baron, but Lupin.

"No, the Bloody Baron found _me_ with Peeves in tow and said 'It's raining in Hagrid's office.' I didn't quite expect him to mean this."

Rain had, yet again, taken Rosmerta's advice on how to dress that Saturday, therefore she found herself in what had to be the worst physical position wearing the worst possible outfit. At the beginning of the evening she employed a sweater to cover her shoulders but she'd cast it off. Now they were bare, along with a large portion of her chest and legs in a strappy green dress. She quickly got up and explained herself.

"Peeves locked me in with-"

"Gum, yes, that's a favorite trick of his."

"He hid my wand, too. It's somewhere in here but I can't find it."

"Ah," he replied, holding up his own. " _Accio wand_."

A shelf close to the ceiling shook. Something inside it tried to get out.

"There it is!" But Peeves must have intentionally chosen a drawer he knew wouldn't budge without great effort. "Of course," she moaned. Rain grabbed a chair and scooted it to the base of the shelf so she could reach. She pulled the hem of her dress so that the angle wouldn't reveal anything too embarrassing. Lupin turned around.

"Erm. Thanks," she mumbled.

"You look...nice. I hope Peeves didn't ruin any exciting plans for the evening."

Rain blushed and grabbed the handle to tug it. "Thank you." The drawer remained shut and she tried again. "Rosmerta asked me to dress 'flashy'..." _tug_ "...she seems to think it will help bring customers back in..." _tug_ "...after the dementors frightened them off."

Finally the drawer gave way. She happily dug the wand out and hopped to the floor. Lupin turned around.

"At least we know George Weasley will always want a table."

Rain chuckled. "Or two."

"Speaking of which, your patronus is improving."

"Steadily. But it could use a boost, as the girls beside me pointed out."

Rain was amused at her inside joke but Lupin almost sputtered.

"You all right?" she asked, walking to the desk and fitting her sweater back on.

"Fine," he replied.

"I should probably let Rosmerta know I won't be making it in tonight. I wouldn't want her to worry."

"It's still quite early."

"Yes, but she won't be busy enough to need me now."

"What will you do instead?"

"I guess we'll just have to see."

Lupin teetered forward and back on his feet. "Do you want to work on your patronus?"

Rain stopped and looked at him. "You're not busy?"

"I think it's about time I actually provided the help I've been pushing you to seek."

"I wouldn't want to practice with the boggart. Just the patronus."

"We can do that."

She scrunched her lips in thought and after long last answered, "All right."

They walked back to the dark and empty classroom. He waved his wand to give light and chose a corner free of desks to stand.

"It does sound as though you need a better memory than what you've been using. As a matter of interest, would you care to share it?"

"I think there's a problem with my memories," Rain replied.

"What's that?"

"They all involve my family."

Lupin stood still.

"No matter how happy I felt at the time, it's like their only job now is to remind me that they'll never repeat themselves. The joy is poisoned. I wonder if that's why I can start strong but the animal never takes shape."

"It could be."

"I need one that doesn't involve them at all, but it's kind of difficult when we spent every waking minute together until I turned thirteen."

"That's when you went to live with Rosmerta?"

Rain nodded.

"This might be something you have to think on for a while."

She paced and let her mind wander around the walls, up over the dragon skeleton and to the desk. "It's always interesting to watch this room change every year." She approached the base of the stairs. "May I?"

Lupin nodded and she climbed up to take a look inside his office. Instead of Lockhart's face plastered everywhere, he had books and gadgets and creatures and several suitcases stacked upon each other.

"You're probably safe to give those to the house elves to store, don't you think?" Rain asked.

He'd followed behind her. "Old habit, I suppose."

"And your grindylow looks so...bored."

"Well I can't exactly hold his interest over coffee table conversation, can I?"

Rain laughed. "There _is_ something you can do."

Lupin waited for her answer.

"Haven't you ever wondered why grindylows behave so well for merfolk?"

He shook his head.

"Okay, plug your ears."

"Why?"

"I'm not very good."

"At what?"

"Just do it," she insisted.

He obeyed and she bent to say something to the grindylow, then gave him another inspection to make sure he couldn't hear, which he couldn't. All he saw was her lips moving and the creature floating towards the glass in wonder. For once it looked less like a water demon and more like a sane little octopus. Not quite cute, but docile, at least. Its tentacles reached out to touch her and she put her hand up to mirror it. When she was done Lupin released his ears.

"You have to sing," Rain said.

"I _have_ to, do I?"

"Yes. He'll be much happier stuck inside there with some entertainment."

"And what song should I choose, since I'm suddenly taking his opinion into account?"

"'Parting Glass.' Do you know it?"

"Of course."

"My mom used to sing it when I couldn't sleep. I guess it worked well enough because I can never seem to remember the second half of the lyrics."

As she recounted these feelings her eyes traveled somewhere else. He knew she was replaying a moment that she'd never adequately describe to anyone who wasn't there, but gave her such happiness that a description wasn't necessary. She smiled so warmly then that he felt her reach inside his chest and take a piece for herself to keep. It wasn't her dress or her hair that night which made him feel this way; no matter how tightly he tried to bind himself shut, she'd been taking them since the first time they met. Pieces he must get back. Soon, if he wasn't careful, he'd have nothing left.

"Perhaps that memory would work?" he asked.

The look in her eye sunk slowly into melancholy. "No. I'm afraid not."

She reached, for real this time. Rain's hand grabbed the front of his unbuttoned jacket and opened it to locate a hidden pocket. When she pulled it away she held a square of chocolate, which she brought to her mouth as she walked despondently from the office.

Just as Lupin knew he'd never hear his mother laugh again, Rain would never hear her mother sing. That is why the memory would fail.

* * *

December greeted the Scottish countryside with frosty air and white snowflakes. Groups of friends huddled by the fireplaces to study and patrons requested hot drinks to cup between chilly fingertips in the pub. Hagrid finally extended the only interesting request to Rain as his assistant: trekking into the Forbidden Forest to look for a Christmas tree to erect in the Great Hall. Given the time of year, all of the interesting creatures slept in their dens, hibernating for winter, but she enjoyed the walk nonetheless.

Hagrid dragged the massive fir tree inside. While most students prepared for the holiday trip home, Rain helped Professor Flitwick decorate the barren Great Hall. A simple hop over to Hogsmeade with Rosmerta didn't require packing. Violet, however, would have preferred to stay at school rather than go home to London and twenty loudmouthed cousins. She reluctantly bid farewell to Rain before rolling her suitcase out the door.

"Are you not going home yourself?"

Rain didn't have to turn to know whose voice asked those words. As hard as she tried to stop it, a quick, thrilled smile danced on her lips. She erased it before she looked at Professor Lupin behind her, standing with his hands in his pockets.

"When I'm finished I'll walk to Hogsmeade. And you?"

"I'll be staying here."

"The feast and a vacant library sound like the perfect holiday to me," she replied. "I usually come back to the castle for cider on Christmas. And, you know, some of everything else the house elves cook."

Lupin smiled. "Did you get a good glimpse of your future office this morning?"

"The one with plenty of fresh air and no duplicitous poltergeists?" Rain asked, levitating the ornament in her hand to a bare section of the tree. Professor Flitwick promptly relocated it to a spot he preferred. "The forest is where I belong. I will always love it there, even if..."

She looked at him. He said nothing, only waited patiently for her to finish on her own.

"I think...perhaps I should tell you before I can talk myself out of it again."

"It's completely up to you," he responded.

Rain sat on a bench close by as he continued to stand.

"My father had the gift I have; he spoke to animals while my mother studied them, and they always let my older brother and me come along. Our family moved from place to place and our parents taught us from train stations and hotel rooms."

"That sounds wonderful."

"Looking back, it was. Then, when I was thirteen, we went to a forest in Bosnia. It was our first time there, but we often went to unfamiliar places so we never much considered the risks. My father and I could talk to animals. Even the most dangerous among them easily settled with a few words."

She wrung her hands together.

"The sun went down. As soon as darkness hit the woods we knew we were in trouble. My parents tried to pretend everything was all right. It certainly wasn't the first time we had lost our way, but then, this was different. They didn't realize...they _should_ have realized before ever going inside. It is so painfully simple to think about it now."

Rain stopped and took a breath.

"We would have apparated out, but my brother disappeared. My parents split up to search for him, my mother going one direction and my father the other, taking me along. We heard it coming from a mile away. It smelled us, tracked us, hunted us. And in the end, I was the only one to escape. My father told me to run and those were the last words he spoke to me. I survived without so much as a scar to my flesh, but my mind will always remember the sound of my mother's screams followed by my father's behind me in the night."

Lupin looked at her then, almost knowing the exact words that would follow.

"My family was killed, my life was shattered, and my boggart will forever show the creature responsible: a werewolf."


	7. Chapter 7

What an unimaginable catastrophe. Lupin felt Rain's words like fingernails reaching into his stomach and ripping his heart down through his ribcage. He couldn't help but close his eyes. How he hated himself and what he was. Through the numbness he recalled his travels six years prior; he was in Wales then. It couldn't have been him, but it was a creature just like him, capable of destroying multiple lives in a single evening. He shouldn't be breathing the same air as Rain. He shouldn't be in the same room, or the same world. He didn't belong with anyone, anywhere. But what could he do now? She trusted him enough to finally share her deepest fears, which he suspected she'd done with next to no one else. As much as he wanted to push her away and warn her never to come close, that he embodied her very nightmare, what sort of devastation would that bring her? He felt at a complete loss as to how to proceed. There was only one thing to say, with a greater underlying meaning than Rain would come to understand just yet.

"I'm so sorry."

Rain tried to smile, dabbing her eyes to keep from crying. "I know I have to find a way to overcome it. I want to work in the Forbidden Forest, for crying out loud. But it's like you said...I can't even defeat something as simple as a boggart."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," Lupin said. Speaking took so much energy from his body at that moment that he sounded as beaten as he felt. "What you have gone through would turn Godric Gryffindor into a recluse."

"So it's hopeless."

"No, not hopeless. But if you will permit me to speak to Professor Dumbledore, he may be able to provide a suggestion."

Rain stood. "Dumbledore already knows everything I just told you, but you are free to ask. Thank you." She looked at the clock. "Rosmerta is expecting me. I hope you have a happy Christmas, Professor."

He used his remaining strength to give her an amicable smile. "You as well, Rain."

* * *

Lupin waited on the top step leading to Dumbledore's office as the staircase rose in a spiral. He felt as though he could breathe fire any moment.

"How could you not tell me, Albus?" he said to the Headmaster sitting at his desk. "There is a student in my class whose entire family was murdered by a werewolf and you didn't think to tell me?"

Dumbledore sat calmly with his hands folded. "I have to admit, I wasn't expecting Ms. Marquis to share her history with you at all. As it stands, I am but one of a hand full of people who knows it."

"But she _has_ told me, and when the day comes, and it will, when my identity is revealed, she will be hurt more than anyone else. I have to make an exception to our agreement and tell her the truth now or else it will be all the worse. I should be resigning as we speak."

"That isn't possible, Remus. As much as I would like to trust certain students of this school with your secret, if it were to spread, we know the consequences. Your work is excellent and your presence is essential, especially with Black on the loose. Please believe that I wish there was another way."

Lupin ran his hand through his hair. "So I lie?"

"You withhold the truth for a short while longer. This is vital for the protection of our other students. I would never dream to ask you if I did not believe it of the utmost importance."

What Lupin failed to mention, which would certainly complicate this request, was that he knew Rain didn't only tell him this secret because she admired him as a teacher. The past weeks, her eyes grew wider and breaths more rapid when he entered the room. The skin on her cheeks and chest flushed and her lips parted whenever he said her name. Of course he noticed. He had the unfair advantage of knowing the hidden lines of communication between them and her ignorance made her feelings as plain for him to read as the pages of a novel.

And had he not known, had he not made such great efforts to shift his torso from hers as he spoke or keep his voice from speaking the words on the tip of his tongue she would see, without a doubt, that he carried the same impossible affection for her. What a fool he had been to allow himself to grow close to her again! He could cut his losses; he'd done it a thousand times before. People like him were used to saying goodbye. But how could he let her continue to be so affected by him whilst knowing he would break her later with the truth? To withdraw and ignore her as he'd tried and failed to do at the beginning of the year, now at her most vulnerable and trusting moment, would devastate her. No easy solution existed.

"I implore you not to blame yourself for the actions of every werewolf, Remus," Dumbledore said. "This is not your fault. You are in no way responsible for fixing Ms. Marquis' past."

But he _would_ help; he could do that much at least, and hope it would help soften the pain later. He would figure out a way for her to defeat the boggart and have to take comfort knowing that she would graduate soon and move on to more interesting things, more noble men, and forget him. What she felt probably amounted to no more than a schoolgirl crush anyways, and she wouldn't dare act on her impulses now, not when she knew the risks. They'd had that conversation already.

"Any plans for the holidays?" Dumbledore asked, pulling him out of his train of thought.

"You know on which day the full moon falls this month, Albus, and I shall be celebrating in my usual fashion."

* * *

Rain visited Hogwarts on Christmas as always to join the feast, but to her surprise and disappointment, Lupin did not. Her holiday spent at the Three Broomsticks passed slowly with little clientele. She and Violet exchanged a few owls back and forth, but she looked forward to school and some extra activity, which she received the day the students returned in January.

"Lazy whiskers," she said to Sir Cadogan, whose portrait hung in the Fat Lady's place since Black's break in.

"False!" the knight yelled.

"That was the password _three hours_ ago."

"That is but three hours in which countless scoundrels may have accosted the password from traitorous lips, My Lady!"

"Please, Sir Cadogan? You know me," Rain asked.

"Do I appear so unworthy as to allow you access to those I've sworn my protection?"

Rain sighed. "Can I have a hint? Maybe I can guess it."

"Since you are obviously not Sirius Black, the scoundrel, I will give you one hint."

"I'm ready."

"It begins with the vowel 'O'."

"Oh for Merlin's sake..."

"Wrong! Entry denied."

"Wait! I just meant-"

"Ophelia," came Neville Longbottom's voice behind her. He held a small piece of paper in his hands.

Cadogan stood at attention. "Correct," and the portrait swung open.

"Thanks, Neville," Rain said as they entered.

"I had to write all of the passwords down since he changes them so much," he replied.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea. What if you lose them?"

"There's no other way I can remember them all. I've already had to spend the night outside of the common room once. I'd prefer not to do it again."

"That does sound rough. Good luck!"

They separated, each going to their respective dormitories. Rain caught up with Violet, sitting on her bed while her friend unpacked, telling her that she'd revealed her past to Lupin.

"I'm glad," Violet answered. "I know you had a rough start, but he is probably the most qualified person to help you recover, being that the dark arts are his area of expertise. If anyone knows how, it's him."

"Honestly, I didn't tell him with any expectation of having him fix it."

Violet raised an eyebrow.

"I told him because I trust him."

"You _trust_ him, huh?"

Rain nodded.

"Remember what we talked about the first night of school?" Violet asked.

"Yes," Rain said. "That I would hate to get him fired, and it's still true, I would never dream of it. But we have something natural between us. It feels good to be next to him. Every time we speak it's over too soon. I just want to spend hours talking and learning everything about him."

"Preferably in a bed?"

"Anywhere comfortable. And it's going to sound silly but I believe he feels the same."

"Just don't do anything stupid, not until after we graduate."

Rain nodded but found herself eagerly catching a glimpse of Lupin's seat in the Great Hall for dinner. Then, the next morning, and most that followed, she sat in Defense unable to take her eyes off of the man in the front of the room. The past month of being apart only compounded her fascination with the way he paced back and forth and moved his hands during a lecture. The scars on his face, probably from the war, added to the mystery she picked apart in her brain. She loved how she knew that beneath the kind professor who answered each question with attention and care stood the same person who kissed her so intensely she could hardly catch her breath, who pressed against her so forcefully that had they not been wearing clothes...but the thought alone of him being inside her made her shift in her seat, frustrated at her body's inability to have what it wanted.

Lupin caught her eye then, and as if he could see straight into her mind, his mouth fell open and he dropped the piece of chalk in his hands. "S-Sorry," he stammered as he picked it up and continued with the lesson after a quick exhale. "Moving on..."

Rain tucked those thoughts away and forced herself to pay attention to the chalk board, full of information she hadn't written down.

* * *

Two weeks after term started Rain sat in the common room doing homework. It'd been a long day trying to get back in the swing of academia. She'd cast off her stockings hours ago and rolled up her sleeves, preparing for an even longer night studying potions. Most everyone preferred the library and Violet "practiced quidditch" with Oliver every afternoon since they'd returned. In the space she could have sworn was empty, Rain heard a familiar man's voice, very deep, coming from the boys' stairway. She remembered it as the same one from the night of Sirius Black's break in.

 _Where has that fool of a boy gone to?_

She closed her book and crept to investigate. To her surprise, Hermione's cat, Crookshanks, bounded right in front of her.

"Crookshanks?" she asked.

He paused and looked at her in the unblinking, unimpressed way cats do.

" _Who are you looking for? Is it Padfoot_?"

He didn't answer.

Rain crossed her arms. " _I know you can understand me_."

Instead of answering, he walked pompously to the rug in front of the fire and plopped down, grooming himself.

" _This is why everyone likes dogs better, Crookshanks_."

She knew one person who might give her an answer, though. She slipped on some shoes and headed for the DADA classroom, climbing the stairs and looking inside Lupin's office before making herself known. He sat reading a roll of parchment, an essay perhaps, stopping to write notes in the margins and concentrating deeply. She gave a few gentle knocks on the door frame.

Startled, he looked up and smiled. "Rain, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"There's something I think you should know."

He paused, appearing almost nervous.

"Do you remember the night of Sirius Black's break in?"

"...Yes."

"And how I heard the voice calling for Padfoot?"

"Oh," he blinked. "Yes."

"Well I've heard it again."

Lupin stood. "When? Where?"

"Just now, in the common room. It was coming from Crookshanks."

"Who?"

Rain shook her head. "Sorry. Hermione's cat."

"You heard an _animal_ calling for Padfoot?"

"No, he was looking for someone in the boys' dormitory this time, a student by the sounds of it, but it was the exact same voice as before."

Lupin turned his head away in thought.

Rain continued. "It makes sense. That's probably the reason we couldn't find the person who was calling for him in October. We wouldn't have been looking for a cat at all."

He said nothing.

"Professor, is there a reason why an animal would know who Sirius Black is?"

"Yes, but I mustn't share with you the reason. Not yet. Though I am grateful you told me. Thank you."

"I'm sorry that...this is happening. I remember what you said about your history with him. I don't want to upset you."

"Why would this upset me?"

Rain shrugged. "You were so...distressed that night when he broke in. I was worried that bringing him up might..."

Lupin rose his hand. "No, please, I would like you to tell me anything you know about him. Anything."

"From the sounds of it, you know much more than I do. Were you really friends?"

He leaned against his desk. "There were four of us: Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter and myself."

"James Potter?"

He smiled and nodded again. "Yes."

"So that's what Professor McGonagall meant when she said all of the best rule breakers come from Gryffindor."

Lupin laughed. "That was a very long time ago. I'm sure Dumbledore only made me a Prefect to keep them in check. Which, of course, I failed to do."

"I never imagined you the type to get into trouble."

"Getting in trouble required getting caught, which we seldom were. Just don't ask Peeves for any stories, because he's privy to quite a few."

Rain watched as his smile faded into something else. Sadness. Regret, maybe. She understood that sensation well.

"It must have been horrible after what he did."

"I still struggle to believe it."

She remained quiet, letting him think. Then he spoke again.

"I'll...be gone. A day next week. But then, maybe, we could get to work on your boggart."

She nodded, then looked out the window. "It's getting dark. I should go. I wouldn't want to make Snape's night by letting him issue me a detention."

"That's _Professor_ Snape." Lupin looked out the window as well. "But I'll walk you back. You won't be in trouble if I'm with you. And I must admit, even after all these years, the idea of irritating Severus is pretty irresistible."

Rain chuckled. "So there's still a Gryffindor in you yet."

"Oh, it never really leaves. Just a fair warning."

* * *

After Rain crept into bed that night, she lay wide awake in thought. Then she heard Violet shift under her covers. She carefully slipped from her own and joined her friend, quietly so as not to disturb the other girls in the room.

"Are you awake?" she whispered.

Violet made an incomprehensible sound.

"Good," Rain continued. "Because I know you said not to do anything stupid, and I know I agreed, but I just don't think I can."

"Rain," Violet mumbled. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I want him. I want him the first chance I can have him."


	8. Chapter 8

"And how soon might that be?" Violet asked.

"I don't know. He said his office hours would be closed next week. I think he's going to search for Sirius Black. I'll bet that's why Dumbledore asked him here this year."

"Is that the reason he's been missing classes?"

"Probably."

"So the week after next you'll just..."

"As much as I would like to, I can't rush it," Rain said. "It has to feel natural. He has to want it. I threw myself at him once, before I knew he would be my teacher. If I do it again without a plan it'll be a disaster."

* * *

 _That was a bad idea_ , Lupin said to himself as he walked back from the Gryffindor portrait. He genuinely didn't want Rain to get in trouble for being out late. The news she brought surprised him; not that Sirius used his animagus skills to get into the castle, but the idea of a cat as an accomplice. He would have to keep an extra eye out for Crookshanks. Regardless, offering to accompany Rain may have given her the wrong idea. He needed to find a way to show her that while he wanted to help her find a way to defeat the dark arts, her physical attraction to him could not go on. He'd caught her staring at him once or twice with enough intensity to make the devil blush. If she were to do that closer to the full moon she might just get what she wanted. He had to admit, even outside of his favorite time of the month, his willpower may not withstand a serious mistake if she continued to show up in his office with bare skin and a disheveled uniform.

He stopped himself right there. He mustn't think of her that way, no matter what she did, how she looked. The decision had already been made. Goodbye already bid. It was done, over. He would be a true monster to touch her, knowing how she would shutter at the sight of his other side.

There _was_ one option. He'd received an owl from an old friend inviting him to dinner, someone he knew did not make the suggestion as anything more than a reunion between mates. He would accept and ask her to meet him in Hogsmeade. Specifically, The Three Broomsticks. It would crush Rain, but the sooner she gave him up, the better.

* * *

Violet sat at the pub in front of Rain at the counter. Oliver chatted with a few friends at a distant table while musicians tuned their instruments in the back corner.

"Are you ready for tonight?" Violet asked.

"I am looking forward to the music. I didn't want to hire Robert's band, but I suppose I would have had to tell Rose the reason I didn't want to see him again," Rain replied, spotting Robert in a pair of torn jeans with his curly dark hair falling over his eyes as he leaned down to tune his guitar. "I don't know that I want to share the details of my sex life with my aunt."

"He'll be playing, you'll be working, there's no reason to interact," Violet said. "Do you think Lupin will be here?"

"Maybe. A lot of people look forward to the bands. What else is there to do in Hogsmeade besides this and eat candy?"

"As much as I disapprove of your decision to pursue him, if he does come in, you're going to melt him to the floor."

Rain smiled. She wore a fairly modest pink blouse but paired it with short black shorts, decorative black stockings and black flats. "Perhaps Valentine's Day has inspired me. Do you and Oliver have plans for tomorrow?"

"I didn't plan anything," Violet said. "Was I supposed to plan something? I'm not used to having a Valentine."

"If anything, I'm sure Oliver will be relieved that your expectations are low."

More people came in the pub and ordered drinks, casually sipping while they waited for the music to start. Rain was thrilled when she saw Lupin enter, but her elation died a quick, excruciating death when a woman followed. Violet saw her face and turned around, whipping back to pretend she hadn't stared.

"Who is that, Violet?"

"I don't know, Rain, I don't know. Just calm down, maybe it's his sister or something."

"What do I do?"

"Behave. You'll give yourself away if you don't."

The pair approached the counter. Rain grabbed the nearest cloth and started vigorously wiping the counter to avoid eye contact.

"Professor!" Violet said. "It's good to see you here."

"You as well Violet, how are you this evening?"

"I'm great. We're great, aren't we Rain?"

"Mmmm," Rain nodded with a quick smile.

"This is an old friend of mine, Nymphadora Tonks."

The woman spoke with a kind, spunky demeanor that matched her brightly-colored hair. "Oh, please call me Tonks."

"It's great to meet you!" said Violet, shaking her hand.

"Tonks works as an auror with Alastor Moody," Lupin continued.

"Wow, that must be really interesting!" Violet replied. Rain would have to remember to thank her later for providing enough cheer for the both of them. As it stood, she felt like she would throw up any minute. "I...was thinking about maybe becoming an auror. Could you tell me about it?" Violet led Tonks to another table and left Lupin and Rain alone.

"Will you have the usual of...nothing?" Rain asked, still not looking at him.

Lupin went to speak but Robert appeared out of nowhere next to Rain.

"We'll start in five," he said cheerfully, putting his arm around her.

She pushed him away. "You shouldn't be on this side of the counter."

"What, after my last visit, don't I get any special access?" he asked with a coy smile.

Rain went scarlet.

"The first song is for you, beautiful," Robert said and went to rejoin his band mates.

"What was his name again?" Lupin asked.

"Robert. He's a very...spirited musician."

Lupin looked after him and back to Rain.

"Enjoy the show. If you'll excuse me, I have work to do," she said, disappearing to find Violet. "I owe you. So who is she?"

"She's actually really nice. About your age. Besides that, all I know is they go back a long time and she is _really_ excited to be here with him tonight. She knocked over a glass of water telling me."

"That's it?"

"It's the day before Valentine's Day and he's taking her to dinner. I think that may be your answer."

Rain looked longingly towards the table at which Lupin and Tonks sat talking, smiling, casually brushing each other's hands. How could he? She was so certain he felt something. How _could_ he? This was wrong, so very wrong. But then, she'd been mistaken about his intentions before. Could she really have been so naive to work herself up over nothing? Again?

"I think we both know it just couldn't have happened between you two." Violet put her hand on Rain's back. "Maybe you should go."

"No," Rain straightened. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

Rain smiled. "Better?"

"No, but only because I know you."

"That'll have to do."

The band began playing and Rain was glad. It gave her something to think about; a loud, chaotic energy to match her own, although she couldn't seem to pry her eyes away from Lupin for more than three seconds at a time. Between customers she poured herself shots of rum to drown her misery. It didn't help a bit. Then, to her horror, Tonks caught her eye and flagged her down. Allison and Rosmerta assisted other patrons. She slapped her hand over the notebook on the counter and dragged it away as she walked to their table.

"What can I get you?" Rain asked.

Tonks said something but Rain didn't hear. Over the loud speaker Robert crooned:

 _Ooh, I don't wanna see you be no fool_  
 _What I'm teachin' you tonight_  
 _Girl, you'll never learn it in school, oh, no_

He stood on that stupid stage wearing that stupid grin like he thought he was so clever. "The first song is for you," he'd said. It was a wonder he didn't just cut the music and shout, "Rain and I had sex last year!"

But oh, dear. Lupin had heard Robert's remarks, all of them. He could put two and two together and figure it out, and if his face were any indication, he'd done so. They locked eyes and she saw something like pity. But was that anger, too?

"I...I'm sorry. What did you say, Tonks?" Rain asked.

"Two fire whiskeys please."

"You got it."

She ran to the kitchen, grabbed two bottles and returned, dropping them hard on the table and disappearing behind the bar, where she stayed through the end of the song and most of the next.

"Rain, there's real music playing this time!"

It was George Weasley with a pitifully hopeful smile.

"No one else is dancing yet," she replied, still in no mood for festivities.

Rosmerta overheard. "Oh, no matter. Someone always needs to break the ice."

Rain looked at her aunt, who mouthed, "Business!"

She sighed. "George, I hope you can keep up."

"I've been waiting my whole life for this moment!"

"Then I feel sorry for you."

He grabbed her hand and dragged her to the empty space in front of the band and a few patrons cheered. They waited for the next song to start and began with the traditional bow, and then the drums picked up and they were off, spinning and gliding down the floor.

"Have you been practicing?" Rain asked.

"As if I would tell," George replied.

"Let's get more people out here. Ready?"

"Ready."

They split and George grabbed Violet while Rain pulled Oliver. Others followed and those that didn't clapped to the beat. Rain made her exit, as the dancing and loud music intensified the blur in her eyes and ears. She quickly went back to her place and massaged her forehead.

Robert charmed his guitar to play on its own and followed after her.

"Rain."

She looked away but he took her chin in his hand. "Don't tell me you've suddenly turned sour against me."

"I have to go back to work now."

"Because I very much enjoyed counting your freckles during my last visit, but I just can't seem to remember the number I reached. I'm afraid we'll have to try again."

She could have closed her eyes and relished the admiration, even if it came from the wrong man. She could have kissed him and taken him to her room and used him to forget the pain, but the thought of anyone else touching her made her skin crawl.

"It'll have to remain a mystery, I'm afraid."

"Are you really saying this? Don't you realize I could have any girl at this bar if I wanted?"

"Would you like me to point them out to make it easier for you?"

He stepped back and gawked. "Have it your way. It's not worth any more of my time."

When he was gone she poured another drink and inhaled it.

* * *

Lupin had been watching Rain for a while. He felt his plan may have had more drastic consequences than he predicted. To add to it, he remembered the name Robert from Rain and Violet's private conversation in DADA. He guessed the musician playing that night to be the very same person. His suspicions were confirmed when he heard the way the boy spoke to Rain like she were a pet of his. The first song he played, dedicated to her, began with:

 _What your friends all say is fine_  
 _But it can't compete with this pillow talk of mine_

Try as he might, those vulgar words, and all that followed them, seeped into his skin. He hated the way Robert gawked at Rain and the knowledge that she'd allowed herself to be intimate with someone who didn't appreciate her for anything besides a pair of legs, which, he couldn't help but notice, moved quite gracefully. He found it difficult to pay attention to Tonks' words when she got up to dance with George Weasley.

He saw Rain leaving the floor as an opportunity to speak to her, to suggest taking a break from the unhealthy atmosphere of unlimited alcohol and a profane admirer, but saw Robert follow. He heard his proposition and her refusal, and his hurtful reply. Then she took another drink.

"Do you think perhaps you've had plenty already?"

Rain looked at him, eyes bloodshot and cheeks swollen. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough."

She turned and made for the hidden staircase tucked in the back of the room and sat on a step. Lupin accompanied, standing in front of her.

"Then you'd know why it's necessary," she said, resting her head against the wall and enjoying the relatively quiet space.

"Enlighten me."

"Robert and I have a history. Let's just say he's the one who made me realize I prefer men who can tell the difference between Faulkner and a football."

"And why should a fool's opinion matter?"

"I suppose I just feel like the fool myself this evening for ever having looked at him," she replied. "And maybe that's why I also feel the need to say...to say that I want you to know, the first time we met, what I did...I don't do that. Between how little you know me and what you can guess from Robert, it probably seems like I go around..."

"I never thought you did. Never."

"Then...then why didn't you come back?" she spat. He knew the alcohol was speaking for her at that point. "I know it doesn't matter now and it won't change anything, but I really thought-"

"Don't do this, Rain."

"Have you been with Tonks this whole time? Was that it?"

"No."

"Someone else, then?"

"It's as you said: it doesn't matter now. I'm your teacher. Do you understand?"

He caught her grimace for the quickest of moments then pretend to be unaffected. "Of course. I'm sorry. I would just hate for you to think I'm...easy."

Realizing she needed to make an escape before further catharses she stood and walked up a step, then stopped and turned around.

"I hope you have fun tonight. Tonks seems nice. An auror could probably keep up with you much better than I could anyways."

Instead of continuing as he should and letting their conversation be final, he responded in a way that made him realize just how talented she was at finding the aching, hidden voice buried deeply within him, longing to come out.

"I doubt it."

* * *

 **A/N: The song lyrics quoted in this chapter are from "Pillow Talk" by Sylvia.**


	9. Chapter 9

Rain and Violet practiced their patronuses in Defense Against the Dark Arts Monday morning. This time it was Rain that avoided Lupin. She spent Sunday trying to eradicate her dizziness, headache and stomach sours but well after her body healed she remained in bed with the covers over her nose.

"I really need to stop drinking and then doing things," she lamented. "I must have sounded as desperate as a lost puppy. I can't even remember what I said. Hopefully nothing too damning. What happened after I went upstairs?"

"I'm hesitant to tell you," Violet replied.

"Oh, no. They kissed?"

"No."

"Held hands?"

"No."

"Something worse than that?!"

"They did nothing. Lupin went home right after you left and Tonks stayed to dance with Robert. There."

"Robert?"

"Yes."

"And...there's more."

Rain held her breath.

"Oliver and the twins were playing some barbaric card game involving quarters and matches so I had nothing else to do. I was angry with Lupin for bringing a woman to flaunt in front of you so I...watched him. He never took his eyes off you. When he lost you in the crowd he searched until he found you again."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. I observed him the whole night. I can't tell you what he's feeling, be it love or hate, but he was fixated. If I were to put money on it I'd say, more than anything, he's terrified of something happening between you two while he's your teacher. That's why he brought Tonks: he thought it would distract you. I dare say, _he_ was the one distracted in the end by Robert. It came back and bit him in the arse."

Rain lit up. Suddenly the weight of a thousand stones she'd felt pressing on her heart the last day vanished. She raised her wand. " _Expecto patronum_!"

A pool of light spilled from her wand in the crystal clear shape of a fox and padded around the room for all to see. When Lupin noticed, his joy matched her own.

"Excellent, truly excellent!"

Rain gave him the biggest smile she could muster.

"What do I do, Violet? I can't lose him. If I do the wrong thing I will."

"That _is_ why I suggested not doing anything stupid. Yet."

"I can't do that either."

"Then let his behavior be your guide. Do as you said and make _him_ want it. Nothing else."

"I suppose that's sensible."

"Why don't you go and talk to him? If anything you can ascertain that nothing too horrendous happened when you two disappeared into the staircase."

Rain took a breath. "All right."

She caught him as he walked from one pair to another critiquing their patronuses. She motioned for him to follow to his desk to speak alone.

"I want to apologize for Saturday. I can't remember anything past eight p.m. but I must have behaved poorly."

"You don't remember...anything?"

"I had too much. I know. Did we talk about a football game?"

He looked up. "No."

"I didn't introduce you to any of my imaginary friends, did I?"

"Not yet."

"Oh, good."

"Rain, please promise me you won't do that again."

"Nothing happened." She looked at her feet. "I think."

"And if Robert hadn't taken 'no' for an answer? What then?"

She thought a moment. "I would have taken his guitar and smashed it over his head, that's what."

He had to fight a smile.

"Professor?" another student called.

Rain watched him walk away and returned to her fox, who sat waiting eagerly for Violet to give her a companion.

"Safe," Rain told her.

* * *

"Remus, I've been contemplating your request concerning Ms. Marquis," Dumbledore said beside Lupin at dinner. The other teachers had finished, leaving them free to speak privately. "You said she is having trouble with the boggart in particular."

"That's right."

"Given her history, I have been making some inquiries. I believe I have found a solution, though it may not be the one you imagined. Or wanted."

"Go on."

"There have been reports of a werewolf in Bosnia, a man. They go back many years, since before the incident."

"Do you believe this to be the same person responsible for the death of her family?"

"I do. Perhaps...perhaps if you were to find him..."

"And do what? Say what?"

"I do not pretend to know all of your feelings regarding lycanthropy, but I do know that it's a part of you that you have no control over. If you were to have committed such an act as this werewolf did, wouldn't you want to at least make your apologies known to the one remaining survivor?"

Lupin sighed. "I suppose. But there are plenty of werewolves who have no qualms about what their other side does during the full moon, or are not willing to hear the truth. I can't say I would blame him. Having my crimes revealed might just bring me to the brink of insanity."

"And if that is the kind of being he is, then by all means, this plan would fail. But if not, perhaps you could arrange a meeting between him and Ms. Marquis. A burden such as hers can only be eased through forgiveness. Try as I might, I can think of no other solution to overcome her ordeal."

"That is a lot to ask, of her and of him."

"Have you another suggestion?"

Lupin could think of none. "Doing this may risk revealing my own identity."

"Find him first, then we will see what we can do about that. We will take it one small step at a time."

"You do know all of Yugoslavia is currently at war, Albus?"

"That may, in fact, make him easier to find. He will feel safe in plain sight of a society that is bruised and bloodied rather than in a forest hiding his scars."

"Smart man," Lupin said. "Perhaps I should join him."

* * *

Rain woke to commotion outside her dormitory. A scream preceded footsteps thudding loudly down the stairs and to the common room. She sat up and the other girls did the same. They followed each other out the door and towards the sound of Ron Weasley's frantic screams. All of the Gryffindors surrounded him by the fireplace. Professors McGonagall and Lupin hurried through the passage from the portrait.

"Sirius Black was standing above my bed holding a knife!"

"That's impossible, how would he get inside?" McGonagall asked. "As it stands, I can hardly get past Sir Cadogan and I'm the head of this house."

"I'm telling the truth!" Ron replied.

McGonagall huffed and returned to the tunnel, presumably to confront the spirited knight. Meanwhile, Rain surveyed the room, then inched her way towards Lupin.

She whispered, "Crookshanks is gone."

Lupin, too, tried to spy the orange cat.

McGonagall returned. "Which one of you was so abysmally foolish as to write all of the Gryffindor passwords down and then lose the slip of paper?"

Neville went white but raised his hand. Though he had his faults, cowardice wasn't one of them. Other professors were alerted to the break in and arrived in the common room to make a plan to search the castle.

"Wait for me here," Lupin told Rain softly.

She did as instructed as the others filed back to bed.

Violet approached. "Be careful."

"Dumbledore's on the hunt," Rain replied. "I'm sure Black wouldn't dare stay in the castle now."

"That's not what I meant."

Violet went upstairs and Rain sat on the couch. She brushed her hair with her fingers, circled the room, looked out the window and anxiously inspected her appearance in the faint reflection. She looked around to make sure she was alone and unbuttoned the top of her shirt. Then the next. Lupin would be back soon. Tonight was her opportunity. Now that the chance was upon her, she second guessed her decision. If they were to find themselves alone, would she be brave enough to try it?

He returned a short while later and led her out the tunnel to the staircase. "I wouldn't ask this of you, but Sirius has broken in twice now."

"Anything."

"We need to find that cat. I believe he is the one who took Neville's passwords and relayed them to Sirius. You said the last time you heard him speak, he was trying to find a student in the boys' dormitory. Here's our answer."

"I agree, but how? He could be anywhere."

"Follow me."

Lupin lead her to a third floor corridor scattered with statues. They approached a one-eyed witch hunched over a cane.

"I'm certain this is the way Sirius has been entering the castle. There is a secret tunnel behind this statue that leads to Honeydukes. We used it as kids to sneak out. Since I arrived I've naturally searched it plenty of times, put charms to repel him, but they haven't worked. If he or the cat comes or goes again tonight, it will be through here. It's my best guess."

"But what can _I_ do?"

"The reason Crookshanks is helping Sirius is because he is an unregistered animagus. He can take the shape of a dog, which he will most certainly do in attempting to flee. You may be able to detect either him or the cat before they realize it, which gives us the advantage."

"So we just wait here for one of them to come?"

"I know it's a long shot, but yes, we wait," he said, walking a small distance from the statue and sitting in a shadow as to remain concealed.

Rain followed.

"Do me a favor," Lupin said. "Don't tell the Weasley twins about this place."

"Afraid they'd give you and your friends a run for your money? You know they've broken into Filch's office."

"But did they ever break into Dumbledore's?"

She gasped.

"We probably shouldn't speak," Lupin whispered. "We won't want to make ourselves known."

Rain leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.

* * *

They waited there an hour, at least, in black silence. Rain didn't hear a sound. Lupin thought it time to abandon the scheme and return her to her house, but then felt her head gently ease itself onto his shoulder. He went to protest and noticed her eyes closed. She was asleep. Her body slowly leaned in as she drifted deeper, her bare leg brushing his, her chest nestled against his arm. Her scent drifted upwards and reminded him of the last time they touched. He sat a moment while his heart pounded forcefully, then instead of waking her, made the mistake of taking a second glance. From his angle above her shoulders, and thanks to the buttons of her shirt sitting open, he was given a perfect window over the top of her chest and down over her ribcage.

"Rain," he managed to choke out.

She breathed in and opened her eyes, her face inches from his.

"I think we had better call it a night," he said.

"Had we?"

"Sirius is probably long gone."

"We could come back tomorrow. To make sure he doesn't sneak in again, of course."

"I've already kept you out too late for one night."

He hoped rousing her would help this delicate situation but it only worsened. Now, instead of seeing her below the neckline, he was met with swollen lips, sleepy eyes and tussled hair. The kind of image he wanted to wake up to every morning for the rest of his life. And for a moment, just one moment, he thought of kissing her. All over. He imagined pushing her back under the covers, opening her shirt the rest of the way and finding each hidden place to savor.

"You can have me every night as long as you'd like," she said.

Lupin's heart, so active before, stopped.

"You...you shouldn't say things like that. We've been through this."

Keeping eye contact, Rain reached up and released another button of her shirt.

"What are you doing?"

"What you've asked," she answered.

"I...I said nothing."

 _Out loud_.

"And you're looking at me like you're going to kiss me the moment I stop talking," she said.

"I wouldn't dream of kissing you a second time when the first was so...obscene."

"You didn't like it?"

"Not at all."

She bit her lip. "Because I can make it better if you asked."

 _Yes. Whatever that implies, my answer is yes_.

"Which you know very well I never will."

"Then perhaps you'd rather show me everything _else_ you know about this castle after dark?"

Her chest rose and fell as she waited for his answer. He watched it pressing tightly against the thin fabric that covered it and he knew he was losing this battle. In all honesty, winning held little of his interest.

"That...would take a very long time."

"You're right," Rain said in a serious tone. "Plus we would be breaking about fifty school rules."

"It would be well over fifty, I can assure you."

"Which, of course, means you couldn't possibly..." she lifted the corner of her mouth into the most enchantingly mischievous smile, "...refuse."

She knew those words would get her just what she wanted. It was then that Lupin understood how water must feel sitting above a steady flame, finally reaching its boiling point, or a potion whose components bubbled and fizzed over the brim of its vial as a reaction took place. What remained of the Marauder in him rose to the challenge and silenced the voice of his better conscience.

"Start counting," he told her.

Lupin dipped down and flooded her mouth with his, pressing her against the wall and circling her neck with his hand. Rain moaned and ran hers through his hair, tugging and scratching and pulling him as close as possible. The memory of every time he'd ever wanted her incited him to embrace deeper, rippling his body against hers. His hands slid beneath her shirt and traveled up the skin over her spine. Rain's fingers played with the bottom hem of his, trying to do the same.

Lupin grabbed her shoulders and forced her away from him before she could feel his scars. He stood quickly.

"I should not have done that."

She knitted her brows and rose too. "You did nothing wrong."

"On the contrary, there is nothing suitable about this."

"Why not?"

"Are you so naive as to need an explanation?" he asked.

"As much as you are to think you can continue to hide your feelings," she replied. "No matter what you may tell me, every time you walk into a room, your eyes find me before anyone else. You notice the books I read and the clothes I wear. I'm not blind."

Lupin felt the alarm grow inside him. She walked such a dangerous line that he would have said anything to get her away from him; away from the pain she would feel when she discovered his true self, the misery at knowing she'd given her heart to a creature who could tear her apart in a second if he so pleased.

"I've made a terrible mistake with you, Rain. I never meant for it to be this way. It's entirely my fault."

"I'm...I'm a mistake?"

"I'm not right for you. You must put any hope for something between us out of your head and never allow it to return."

"I can't. I've tried and I just can't," she pleaded.

 _You know what needs to be done, so do it_ , he told himself. _You've failed at every turn thus far, now end it for good._

"And what do you think would happen if I were to give you what you want? If I were to just take you here, now, on the stone floor? Do you think we would enter some sordid, secret life until you graduated, then live happily ever after?"

"We cou-"

"Because we wouldn't. That day we met, if I hadn't stopped myself, I would have used you once and you never would have seen me again. The same would happen now."

The shock of his words made her eyes widen and her mouth quiver. "I...I don't believe you."

He'd brought out the dagger, now he needed to sink it in. She wanted to believe the best in him, but he must make her see the worst. "You don't even know me. You wouldn't understand the first thing about me. You asked why I never came back for you? Because I don't love you and I never will. There is no use in denying that I've felt the desire to undress you on occasion, but that's all."

She shook her head. "No. It isn't true."

"I take full responsibility for allowing you believe otherwise and you can trust I will remember my appalling error each time I look at you after today, which I will strive to do as little as possible."

She was shaking. Tears made a glittering sheen all over her face and neck.

"I must go. I've stayed entirely too long as it is," he said.

If he were hoping to walk away unscathed, he had another thing coming. Rain would make sure he felt her suffering in his bones.

"You knew," she said. "Every time you talked to me, defended me, and encouraged me pour every drop of my trust in you that eventually you would just say you wanted to fuck me and leave! That I meant nothing to you!"

"I would _never_ have done this on purpose," he said firmly. "You think I'm as heartless as that?"

"You must be, to tell someone you've allowed to care for you that they will be a walking, talking memory of a mistake. You _knew_ what would happen if we spent too much time together and still you brought me in!"

"I thought-"

"Why didn't you just leave me be?! Why did you have to make me think you cared?! Using me once and leaving would have been kinder than what you've done!"

He swallowed a mass in his throat that threatened to burst and closed his stinging eyes, wondering if this could really be better than telling her the truth: that he wanted to protect her from the grief that a life with him would bring, that all the people he loved last were either dead or a murderer, that his own father could hardly be bothered to care for him, but by then he'd already done too much harm.

"I hate myself for this far more than you do," he said.

"If you'd been listening at all you'd know that I don't hate you. Not in the least."

"You should. It's much easier than loving me."

"But I do lo-"

He put his hand up. "Don't...say it."

Her mouth slowly closed as her eyes sank, letting the last of her hopes fade. Lupin withdrew once, then twice.

"Stop," she said.

He ignored her and continued, leaving her to stand alone. Rain's anger gave way to grief as she called after him.

"Please stop!"

He turned and erased her from his sight. The sound of her cries gradually faded to whispers as he exited the corridor. It was an instance in which he did not comprehend the full extent of his devastation until he stepped back and assessed the damage. With each one he took, in the quiet of the storm, he realized that while he may have spared her flesh, he'd still ripped her to pieces. This could never be mended.


	10. Chapter 10

Rain leaned against the wall and sunk to the floor. Her entire body went numb. She berated herself for her stupidity, finding all of her flaws in hindsight. Violet had warned her. Hell, even Lupin had warned her. She didn't listen, and now she would have to live with the consequences of her severe lack of judgment, the worst being the memory of his words: "I don't love you and I never will." The wound still fresh, she felt the pain sink deeper. A minute could have passed, or an hour, she didn't know, as she wept until a chilling voice broke the silence.

"You've chosen to fall in love with a very complicated man."

Her head whipped up and she gasped at the sight before her. Sirius Black himself, dressed in the torn uniform of an Azkaban prisoner that hung from his skeletal frame, slowly crept out of the shadows.

Rain scrambled to her feet and tried to run but he caught her arm and put his hand over her mouth.

"Be still," he said as she struggled violently to break free. "Rain, isn't it? I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to let you go, as long as you promise not to scream."

She slowly ceased her resistance and he felt safe in removing his hand.

Rain forced the words from her throat and when she did, her own boldness surprised her. Perhaps she felt she had nothing left to lose. "I'm not going to hurt Harry, so don't bother asking."

Sirius smiled. "Spoken like a true Gryffindor. No, I would never harm Harry, nor any student or teacher in this castle."

"Rubbish," she said. "You broke into the common room and stood over-"

"Ron Weasley's bed with a knife?"

"Well, maybe you just confused his bed with Harry's."

"It's been several years since I've seen my godson, but I'm certain he hasn't sprouted red hair in the meantime."

"Then...then what do you want?"

"Peter Pettigrew."

Rain searched her memory for where she'd heard that name before. "...Your friend from Hogwarts?"

"That man is no friend. He is the one responsible for James and Lily Potter's death, along with the mass murders I am accused of. I am innocent and I will prove it as soon as I find him."

"He isn't here. Professor Lupin would have seen him."

"Remus doesn't look for Peter. He believes he's dead, along with the rest of the world. If he were, he'd spot him in a heartbeat."

"Where is he then?"

"Like me, Peter is an unregistered animagus. He's Ron Weasley's rat."

Rain scoffed. "Scabbers? He's been with that family for-"

"Twelve years. Do the math."

Everything made sense when she judged the events next to Harry's age.

Sirius continued. "From what I heard of your...limited conversation with Remus, you can speak to animals?"

Rain blushed. "Yes. And I've never heard Scabbers say anything that would indicate he's more than a common rat."

"That's not surprising. The animal suits him, so much so that we nicknamed him Wormtail, but Scabbers is indeed a man in a rat's body. He listens and knows who you are, and has probably made special effort not to say anything that would give himself away around you."

"I...I have no reason to believe anything you're telling me," Rain said. "How do I know it's the truth?"

"Because if I am who everyone thinks, without a single objection to killing a man I held as my brother, then why would I spare your life as I've done?"

"You want to use me as you've done Crookshanks?"

Sirius cocked his head. "That would be a clever deduction, but no, I won't force you to do anything. I will, however, ask that you watch for Peter. And when you do, tell me if he's missing any appendages that may have been found twelve years ago at the scene of my supposed crime. If you do, you will know I'm telling the truth. Then grab a hold of him and do not let him go. Crookshanks will know how to find me."

"Scabbers is missing. I haven't seen him since the school year started."

"Which means the cat is doing his job. As I said, keep watch."

"You can bet I will."

Rain stepped forward to leave.

"Forgive him. Remus. He...has his reasons for saying what he did."

Rain took a shallow breath. "Yes, he named every single one of them."

"You _are_ his student. I can hardly believe he had the audacity to tempt it in the first place."

"He wouldn't have. We met over summer and I didn't tell him I still attended Hogwarts. It was my fault, like everything else."

Sirius nodded. "That makes much more sense."

"That's all I am willing to discuss, I think. I will do as you've asked. Goodbye."

"He will push you as far away as possible before allowing you to come closer. It's just his way."

"I will let him have it, then."

When she arrived back at the Gryffindor portrait, Sir Cadogan was gone. The Fat Lady had returned and with her, a new password. Rain stood dumbfounded, the Fat Lady staring at her expectantly. Her head and eyes were so heavy and all she wanted was the refuge of her pillow. She looked to her feet and around the floor, defeated, then staggered to an empty spot. The feeling of her heart falling through a bottomless pit kept her awake for several hours before exhaustion finally forced her to sleep.

* * *

"Ms. Marquis," a voice scolded.

Rain's hip dug into the hard floor and ached. She rolled onto her back, opening her eyes. When the haze cleared, she recognized McGonagall above her, along with many other staff members as they made their way to breakfast. Rain's pitiful appearance had no impact on the furious Transfiguration professor.

"Is your bed no longer adequate?"

"I..."

"The morning after Sirius Black breaks into the castle, no less?"

Rain had no excuse ready.

"I think this is my fault, Minerva."

Rain felt a shock pulse through her stomach. It was Lupin. He descended a few stairs around Snape and Flitwick to stand beside McGonagall. Rain couldn't look at him.

"I asked Rain to accompany me to the owlery last night to ask if any of them had seen Sirius enter or escape from their vantage point. I didn't realize the portrait had changed after I sent her back to the tower. She must have been locked out."

Rain despised him trying to help, as if it could ever atone for his treatment mere hours before. If he wanted nothing from her, she wanted nothing from him.

"Thank you, Professor, but no. I didn't return to my dormitory when you instructed me. By the time I arrived back, Sir Cadogan was gone. It's no one's fault but my own."

Lupin frowned at her.

"What were you thinking?!" McGonagall erupted. "I don't care how old you are, it is _absolutely_ inexcusable."

"Yes ma'am."

"Rosmerta would be furious. Her only sister died to protect you and you wander about the castle with a killer on the loose?"

"Please don't tell her. It will never happen again."

"Since this is the first time I've had this conversation with you in the seven years you've attended Hogwarts, I will allow you to tell her yourself. In the mean time, you will serve detention. Tonight, in fact. Professor Snape was just telling me how dirty his cauldrons have grown."

Rain nodded and MgGonagall gave her one final reprimand with her eyes before gathering her skirts and proceeding down the stairs, followed by the other teachers. Lupin stayed. Before he could say anything, the portrait swung open and out came Lavender Brown. Rain seized the opportunity and darted through. She didn't want to hear a word he had to say. She crossed the common room, climbed the stairs to her dormitory and entered. Violet stood in front of the mirror adjusting her tie. The other girls had gone to breakfast. She looked at Rain with a sly smile.

"Things went well, I presume?"

That's when Rain fell apart. She stumbled to her friend and collapsed into her arms.

* * *

Lupin sat in his office after the most difficult day teaching yet. Even on past occasions when his lycanthropy slowed his step, he knew that in time, those wounds would heal. Now he suffered a different kind. He'd told the person he loved that her worth only matched the rise and fall of his carnal moods. That the perfect kiss she'd given him wasn't good enough. He'd taken the gift of her trust and forsook it, but only after enjoying the benefits. If she never spoke to another man it would directly stem from his carelessness.

To make it all worse, he'd left Rain to fend for herself the night before, locked out of the common room. What if something had happened? What if Sirius had returned? This had gone far enough. He would march to Dumbledore's office and demand to resign. Nothing could justify his behavior. No matter how essential the headmaster felt his presence, he would only continue to poison a place that should be a safe haven for every student, including Rain.

He heard a knock at his door.

"Harry," he said with a smile. "Come in."

"Hello Professor."

It stung every time Harry addressed him so formally. In another life, he would have been akin to an uncle, coming to dinners and birthday parties. How he hated to think of the memories they should have. Harry sat in the chair opposite him.

"I was just checking to make sure you could still help me practice my patronus on Saturday."

"Oh, yes, of course. Thank you for reminding me."

Harry smiled. Lupin saw James then. Lily, too.

"I'm really glad you're here this year. Not just because you're the best Defense teacher we've ever had, but I like hearing your stories about my mum. Besides my aunt, you're the only person who really knew her. And given that my aunt doesn't approve of magic, you're also the only one who speaks of her like she wasn't a freak."

Lupin looked at his desk. Lily didn't deserve that, especially from a sister she always defended.

"I hope you'll stay next year, and the year after. They say this job is jinxed, but I'm willing to bet you know how to defeat something as simple as that."

"I'll...do my best, Harry."

Harry smiled again and rose. "See you at dinner."

"See you at dinner."

He looked at the calendar on his desk. Three months of the school year left. Three months he could grin and bear it. He repeated these words to himself at dinner, watching Rain poke at her food with her fork, dirty from detention with Snape, disinterested in her peers. Then the next day during class as she sat lifeless, staring out the window.

"Now that you have all mastered your patronuses, we will move onto our final objectives of the year, the most important of which is resistance to the Imperius Curse. Though it is an Unforgivable and hoped that you will never encounter it in your lifetime, that won't shield you from the possibility. Seventh year students at Hogwarts have special permission from the Ministry of Magic to practice this skill _in this classroom only_. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Sir," the class responded.

"Resisting a spell like this requires a degree of Occlumency. You must clear your mind. The Imperius will try to take control of the areas in your brain that govern logic and choices, making it extremely difficult to resist doing the wrong thing because a voice is literally telling you to do the opposite. Now, as a way to test the waters, you will pair up. One of you will instruct the other to raise their right arm. I trust you know the consequences if you decide to bewitch your partner into doing anything otherwise."

As he predicted, Violet and Rain walked to the corner. Rain rose her wand and Violet struggled but soon rose her arm, as all of the other students did. When they switched places, Rain squeezed her eyes shut, trying with all her might to resist. Her arm shook but eventually succumbed, inch by inch. She let out an exasperated sigh and sat down.

"I can't do this today," he heard her lament. "My head has too much in it."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Violet assured her, sitting down too.

When the class ended and all of the students filed out thoroughly frustrated, Lupin thought of an idea. "Rain, can I speak to you a moment?"

She couldn't refuse his instructions in front of her classmates. Her shoulders dropped as she watched them leave. The door closed and he knew he should speak first.

"I would understand if you wished to transfer out of my class."

"What?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts is only required until your fifth year. Given the circumstances, if you wanted to leave, I would arrange it for you."

Rain glowered at him. "He was right. You're going to push me as far away as possible."

Only one other person in his life had ever said those words to his face. "Where...did you hear that?"

She looked away and back again. "Nowhere. Who says I heard it from anyone?"

"You did. You said 'he was right'."

"I must have misspoke."

"That would be a first," he said, crossing his arms. "What happened after we...after I left Monday night?"

"Given the circumstances, I don't think I should tell you," she said, then quickly turned and walked out the door.

 _Could she have...? Could Sirius really...?_

He wanted to follow and question what she meant, but couldn't. He had already risked enough by spending time alone with her that day, for the next night the moon would be full. The last thing he needed was for Moony to undo Lupin's chaos with chaos of his own.

* * *

March passed bitterly, even as frost receded from the ground. Rain did not drop Defense Against the Dark Arts. She couldn't have explained why. Lupin's rejection replayed each time she walked in the room and she hated herself for going through with it, then hated leaving even more. Some pathetic voice in her head convinced her that maybe he would apologize as long as she stayed in front of him but he never did.

One day after Snape substituted she stayed behind. The students vacated and Snape returned to his laboratory. Rain climbed the staircase and entered Lupin's empty office. This was as close as she could come to him anymore. She ran her hand over his record player and tea kettle, thinking that regardless of how he felt, or if Sirius's words were true, he'd made up his mind. She had to accept it. Asking why only made her think hope existed on some other road. Obviously his reasons for distancing himself outweighed any positive benefit she'd brought to his life.

Rain moved seats to the back row and never raised her hand, keeping her eyes on a book she'd smuggled onto her lap and promising herself that as soon as she improved resistance to the Imperius Curse she would end it and transfer. On the next essay, she received her parchment back with a simple grade at the top and the words, _As a reminder, exam questions are based off of my lectures_.

"Did he write that on yours?" she asked Violet.

Her friend sheepishly shook her head.

Rain tore the essay in two. Maybe sooner rather than later.

She spent a lot of time alone. Violet tried to help, but her and Oliver's happy relationship only emphasized Rain's loneliness. Naturally, she couldn't confide in Rosmerta. The last time she mentioned a crush, her aunt got so excited pestering her for his name that Rain could hardly tell the story, much less ask for advice. In this case, no advice _could_ apply other than "forget it." She often sat at the fireplace staring at the flames licking the wood, her blank homework sitting in front of her, failing to convince her to complete it. On one such night, she heard a group of third years enter the room.

"I think you owe me an apology," Hermione Granger said.

"Like hell I do!" Ron Weasley shouted back. "Scabbers only went missing as long as he did because your beast of a cat tried to kill him! He's terrified!"

"He would _never_ ," Hermione retorted.

Rain looked and saw Ron shielding his rat in his arms from the gaze of Crookshanks in Hermione's. As they sat with Harry at a table to do their homework, Rain held out her hand to signal Crookshanks to come. He did. Sirius must have spoken with him.

 _Don't go after Scabbers just yet_ , Rain told him with a purr. _I must see this for myself_.

 _As you wish_ , he replied, wandering out of sight.

Rain rose and approached Ron. "Scabbers looks awfully distressed. May I speak with him and see if I can calm him down?"

"Sure, Rain, thanks a lot," Ron replied, handing him over. "See Hermione, _distressed_. I'm not the only one who thinks so."

He plopped the fat, unassuming rat into Rain's hand. She smiled and he relaxed, then she strode over to the fireplace, sitting down and putting him on her lap. She pet him gently and massaged his feet. The rodent closed his eyes, readying to take a nap. Then she noticed: a missing claw. Rain knew the story well enough to remember that all they ever found of Pettigrew was his finger.

"Wormtail," she said, but in the language of humans, as an animagus should understand. The rat bolted upright. She narrowed her eyes. "It's you, isn't it?"

He wasted no time. The rat bit her finger hard and scurried off of her lap.

"Ouch!" she gasped as she stood, trying to find him.

"Scabbers?!" Ron called.

"See? He isn't just frightened of Crookshanks! Your rat is going mad, Ronald!" Hermione cried.

As if on cue, Crookshanks sprung from the shadows and trailed Scabbers out of the common room and into the stairway of the castle.

"I'll try and find him, Ron. Stay here," Rain said and ran after him.

Sirius Black was right all along. Now she must help an innocent man prove it.

* * *

"Professor?"

Violet appeared in Lupin's office right before the castle would unwind for bed.

"Violet, what a surprise, come in," he said, filing the last of his papers away.

"I was wondering...have you seen Rain?"

He pretended not to know why she would ask. He hoped, prayed Rain hadn't shared every detail of their history with Violet. How humiliating that would be.

"No, I haven't I'm afraid," he answered.

Violet stooped. "I can't find her anywhere. Ron Weasley told me she'd gone out to find his rat, Scabbers, and hasn't returned. I don't want to get her in trouble, but I'm worried."

"That's very peculiar," Lupin replied.

"Yes, even more so because she was talking to Scabbers right before he bit her and ran away. That sort of thing never happens. Animals love her. The other kids thought they heard her say something about a worm's tail? I don't know. This is the information I gathered through Ron and Hermione's shouts at one another."

Lupin's mouth fell open, then he gathered himself. "I will go and search for her now. You ought to go to bed. Don't worry, I'm sure she's safe."

He tried to make his words soothing but the panic in him shooed Violet out the door much faster than he meant to. Lupin grabbed his cloak and wand, running down the stairs as soon as she vacated the room.

 _Sirius has gotten to her._


	11. Chapter 11

Lupin strode quickly down the empty corridors, ignoring the moon that peered in at him from the windows just days shy of full. He didn't know where to start looking. Where would a rat go to hide in a castle as colossal as Hogwarts? What lies had Sirius told Rain to convince her to do his bidding? Peter was dead, murdered, years ago. Sirius must have found Rain after Lupin abandoned her next to the statue the month before and filled her head with nonsense. How he reviled himself for not seeing her back to Gryffindor as he should, for putting her in harm's way. Now she could be lost forever. Every minute she spent out of his sight she could be hurt, scared, used as bait, and he could do nothing to protect her. The thought of Sirius laying so much as a finger upon her skin drove him to paranoia.

Rain's skin. He remembered the way it smelled and tasted. He needed to see it, touch it, cherish it, never let it go again.

Lupin stopped to take a breath. He knew that voice in his head, the one that hated her absence, that, if provoked, would stop at nothing to make sure she returned to him. In truth, Moony said nothing Lupin didn't feel, but the intensity that he would go to show it couldn't rival the wolf's animal aptitude. Sirius would do well to remember that.

* * *

Rain emerged from the Dark Forest. Water droplets from spring drizzle clinging to branches and leaves fell onto her skin each time she brushed past the foliage. Her damp hair and clothes hung heavily on her dirtied arms and legs. She hadn't seen Scabbers for hours, following Crookshanks until she knew she would have to give up. The cat continued determinedly. Sirius would be so disappointed when he found out.

Tired, wet, hoping McGonagall would not catch her out again, she trudged the long corridor to the staircase. A small shadow caught the corner of her eye. She stopped. It stood still, then skittered to the other end of the hall. Judging by the size, she concluded it could certainly pass for a rat.

* * *

Footsteps close by sent an echo to Lupin's sensitive ears. They grew closer. He looked to the end of the corridor and caught his breath. A student with long hair bolted past, running with all her might. Springing to life, he launched after her.

"Rain!" he called, but she continued.

The distance between them spanned several yards. Before he knew it, her steps died out and she disappeared into the darkness. He checked room after room that he walked by, eyes searching for a glimmer of hope. Then, as he approached the library, he heard one _thud_ , then another. Rain tossed several books from their shelves, knocked over stacks on the floor, obsessively searching in the empty spaces she made.

"I know you're here," she said through gritted teeth

Relief flooded him. But too quickly, anger.

"Where have you been?!" he demanded.

She didn't lift her eyes. "Scabbers. He'd hiding. I must find him."

Lupin took her by the arm and pulled her up in a fury. "Are you insane?"

"I saw him come in here! Let me go!"

"You are gravely mistaken if you think I'm going anywhere."

Rain tried to shake out of his grip but he held tight. She scowled when she failed.

"Did Sirius put you up to this?" he asked. "Did he find you?"

"Yes."

"Where is he?"

Rain shook her head, refusing to answer.

"Damn it, Rain, don't you realize how dangerous he is?!"

"He never said or did anything to force me into this."

"You don't _know_ him. If you did, you'd know he doesn't just kill the people he comes across. He gains their trust, lets them love him, then he inflicts as much pain as possible."

"That sounds like another person I know, actually," Rain spat.

"You're wrong. I'm not the one here to hurt you."

"Could have fooled me. I'll take my chances with Sirius Black. He is innocent and I can prove it as soon as I find Scabbers."

She turned but he pulled her back.

"You're leaving. I'm taking you back to your dormitory," Lupin said, dragging her away.

"No!" Rain resisted but was no match. His grip squeezed tighter and as she grabbed at the shelf, only more books came tumbling down. They passed a table and she seized it and held on, shifting all of her weight to sit on top of it.

Lupin's patience quickly exhausted. He rounded back, intending to grab her by the waist and carry her if he had to, but when he lunged she reclined back on her arms, reaching behind her skirt, and drew out her wand. He froze, hovering over her.

"That won't stop me" he said.

Her features softened. She was losing her nerve. Acting on their own volition, his eyes roamed over her torso. A white, wet shirt clung to her chest. Her skirt had traveled up her legs, slightly parted and ready to kick. He couldn't deny that he'd imagined her in this state plenty of times, but unlike all of his reveries in which he showed her tenderness, only determination to control her grew in him now. Rain's heated stubbornness made him greedier. Lupin grabbed the hand holding her wand and forced it back onto the table.

"Take me then," she said.

A switch went off deep within. He grabbed one of her legs in each hand and yanked them around himself so that her hips crashed against his. His hands slid up her thighs until they reached her underwear. He gripped the fabric tight with sweating palms, trying to pour his tension into an object other than himself. He breathed heavily, struggling to force his body not to besiege hers.

"Rain...if you knew..."

"Yes, I know. It will mean nothing. I can handle it."

Her words may have resounded confidently but she looked at him with wide eyes of apprehension, maybe even fear. Fear that he would say no, or worse, say yes, then desert her. Here she lay, offering her heart and body as openly as he wanted, knowing the likelihood of nothing but regret in return. He released her and staggered back.

"What have I done to you?"

She sat up. "This is my choice. I know what I'm doing."

"No. This isn't what you want. You're saying these things because you think it's what I want to hear. You don't want me to treat you like a whore and you never have. This isn't you, and this isn't what I want for you."

"Then what? What do I have to do?!" she cried. "Tell me why I've failed. Why I still need you while you regard me as every other person in your life you can just leave when the time is through. Why am I not good enough?!"

He couldn't do it anymore. His lies would not continue to cut her down. He would not be the reason she skipped meals or walked alone or lost faith in love. "You must listen to me now: it is I who have failed, not you. You are better than anything I could ever hope for."

Rain pursed her lips, then tried to speak but he cut her off.

"But I don't deserve your trust nor your admiration. I deserve to be alone."

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Rain asked. "Who told you that you warrant this kind of life?"

"Don't try to fix me. I am beyond your help, or anyone's."

"There must be something you're not saying."

"Even if so, there is no solution, no...cure. Even in my wildest dreams, no hope could exist for us. Now please, go back to your dormitory," he said. "I'm asking you. I will stay and look for Scabbers. If he is indeed Peter Pettigrew, I will know."

"But I can-"

"Please, Rain. Go."

To his surprise, she slowly slipped off of the table and onto her feet.

"I will wait for your story, as you did for mine. You know where to find me."

She tucked her wand into her skirt and left Lupin to charm the books back into place, one by one. The moment the school year ended he would tell her the truth. The last three moons of term would land either during spring holiday or a weekend, so she wouldn't figure it out before then. Once she knew, she would hate him and finally be free.

* * *

The day of the March moon, Lupin took his wolfsbane potion and apparated to Bosnia, determined to do right by Rain in one way, at least. The chances of him finding the werewolf Dumbledore mentioned were slim, even with a precise location, but with the animal's body and his mind intact, perhaps he could track him. If he spotted another wolf in the forest, he would watch and wait until dawn when he transformed back into a man. He'd be too weak to approach or speak to him, not to mention he would most certainly give himself away as a fellow werewolf, but he could see the man's identity, his home, his whereabouts, and then return at a later time to investigate whether the Headmaster's plan would work.

Lupin arrived at dusk. He walked through a small mountain village on the border of a forest that spanned for miles. The people sitting outside of the crumbled buildings whispered in Bosnian and Croatian. He couldn't understand their words, but given their suspicious nature, perhaps they wondered if he could be a refugee from a town fallen to the Serbs, if he came from the pillar of smoke rising in the distance. He looked the part. Hurriedly he made his way to the border of the forest, entering to wait for the moon to rise and his bones to break and reform. He undressed and left his clothes beside a small stream. All animals needed to drink, and he would use this as a place to begin his search. The daylight faded and the bright, white circle that his own boggart replicated crept over the trees.

Astonishingly, soon after he morphed, he heard a howl reverberate through the woods. Moony crept away from the water to watch. Another wolf, black, dashed to the stream and lapped loudly. When he was finished, he sniffed the ground and the air. Moony gave a wider birth so as not to be detected. He kept him in sight and followed as he hunted and prowled, scratched at trees and dug holes in the ground. When the sun rose he collected his things and followed the man back to his home. He was younger than Lupin and, as his wolf showed, black-haired, making his grey streaks detectable even from a distance. He teetered to a flat on the bottom story of a building housing several other families. Lupin made a mental note of his precise door and apparated back to Hogwarts to rest in a bed of his own.

* * *

Two Saturdays later, he knocked. The young man opened it a small ways and seeing that his guest did not wear a military uniform, opened it further.

"Yes?" he said.

Lupin had practiced this conversation multiple times, hoping to say the delicate words just right. "Hello, my name is Remus Lupin and I'm here from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

The man opened the door its full length and gaped at him. "You're a wizard?"

"Yes, and I hope I am correct in assuming you are as well."

"It's been so long since..." he started. Lupin noticed he had an English accent, not that of an Eastern European. "How did you find me?"

"May I come inside?"

"Of course, of course."

Lupin strode in. His home consisted of a single room, in it a stove for cooking under a line of laundry, a tiny table below a window, and a twin mattress in the corner on the floor surrounded by books. He understood the life of minimalism; it made packing and moving easier.

"Reading is the only way to stay sane here," the man said. "Otherwise you have nothing to do but think of the infinitely dark days ahead."

"Dreams and memories are just about the only things a war cannot destroy."

"It would almost be easier if it could," the man sighed. "Coffee?"

"No, thank you."

The man sat at his table and motioned for Lupin to sit. "Please."

Lupin accepted.

"My name is Matthew, by the way."

Lupin nodded. This was the part where he should have cut to the chase, said he knew what he was and revealed that he was responsible for the death of a wizarding family, and would he mind apologizing for an act that he had no control over? He wasn't supposed to be likeable or friendly or inviting. Suddenly he couldn't say the words. He tried to force himself, for Rain, but even with nothing but five minutes between them, he felt Matthew was not a proud werewolf. He was a lonely, scared outsider, so desperate to survive that he lived in a town close enough to combat that he fell asleep to the sounds of bombs exploding. This news would crush him, as it would Lupin.

"Well, Matthew, I'm here because...because Albus Dumbledore would like a meeting with you."

* * *

Lupin paced in the Headmaster's office.

"I couldn't do it, Albus. I couldn't be the one to tell him. I don't even know that I want to go through with this anymore. What if, instead of healing, it just infects the wound? And what can this possibly accomplish for Matthew?"

"Well, the poor lad is coming this afternoon whether you want him to or not, it would appear."

"What did you tell Rain?"

"Nothing yet. She's received a notice to come to my office. This is not the sort of thing you allude to with an owl. It must be handled in person. I feel confident this is the best choice."

Lupin sat and strummed his fingers on the chair. "Please do me the favor of keeping my role in this a secret. I am here simply as a confidant and mediator as far as Rain is concerned."

"Why do you not want your efforts known?" Dumbledore asked.

A knock sounded at the door. Lupin rose and answered. Matthew stood there, in what Lupin assumed was his best attire, but still covered with shabby mending.

"Welcome to Hogwarts. I hope you had a pleasant journey."

He reached out to shake Matthew's hand. When the boy took it he held firm, drawing a deep breath in through his nose and knitting his brows. Lupin released it and showed Matthew inside the office before he could make anything of his senses. Dumbledore stood.

"Mr. Dumbledore, Sir," Matthew said, reaching out to shake his hand. "It's an honor to be speaking with you."

"The honor is mine," Dumbledore replied.

Before the Headmaster could offer a chair, another knock resounded. Lupin hesitated. That would be Rain. He crossed the floor and opened the door.

"Professor?" she asked, then looked to the desk behind him and gasped.

 _Oh, no_ , Lupin thought. _She realizes who Matthew is. I've pushed this too far. But how could she possibly know? Dumbledore said he didn't tell her._

Lupin turned and saw Matthew's face holding the same blindsided expression. Now that he compared the two, he and Rain looked remarkably similar. Dark hair and hazel eyes. Rain rounded past Lupin, walking as if she approached a mirage, reaching out her hands to touch Matthew and clarify that he indeed existed.

"What...? Where...?" she began, but her voice faltered.

"Do you know this man?" Lupin asked her.

Rain nodded. "This is Matthew. This is my brother."


	12. Chapter 12

"You're dead. I thought you were dead," Rain whispered.

"That's partly true," Matthew replied.

"What could you mean? You're alive. You're in front of me. You're real."

"I thought you had graduated years ago. I never would have come here had I known."

"I don't understand."

Matthew closed his eyes. "I was bitten, Rain."

She staggered back a ways. "Bitten?" she choked.

When Matthew opened his eyes again, they shone with tears. "I searched for you that night, all of you, but the werewolf found me first and attacked. I tried to apparate out but he sunk his teeth into my leg seconds before I could manage it. It was enough to...to change me."

"No," she whispered.

"I never wanted you to see me like this. Thank God Mum and Dad can't see me like this."

His words could have sent an arrow straight through Rain's heart given the way her face fell. It was then that Lupin wondered if she might flee.

"They loved you! I love you!" she said. "I don't care what you look like, I would have given anything to have you here the past six years!"

"No, you wouldn't. I became a monster that day. I...am a monster now."

"You were a kid! You were seventeen!"

"I was old enough to know my life was over. I stayed in Bosnia and lived like a scavenger. When the war broke out, I didn't need to hide my ripped clothes or my limp or anything anymore. No one noticed, even my neighbors. Curse me for saying this, it made my life easier."

"You didn't have to fight this alone, I could have helped you!" Rain lamented. "Mum and Dad...there was money. Half of it should be yours. You could have gotten-"

"All of the money in the world can't keep the moon from tearing my body apart. Wolfsbane potion might have kept my mind intact, but completing my auror training? Holding a job? Having friends? The few times I tried to blend in with a healthy society, my identity revealed itself within months. People who once invited me to their homes to meet their families wouldn't look me in the eye. They thought I was some rabid beast no matter my appearance or my work. How could I have burdened you with this disease? You say _I_ was a kid? You were _thirteen_. You'd never even been to a proper school before. No, I was better off where I was. You had a chance to be happy and forget me. Now you will just be an outsider whose life is contaminated by mine."

"But I never forgot you! I spent every waking moment replaying that night, wondering what horrible things must have happened. I don't care that you're a werewolf! You're my brother. I'm glad you're alive and I'm glad you're here, even if you aren't. Now we have each other and we can grieve together."

"You grieve _because_ of me," Matthew replied. "I am the one who disappeared. Had I not wandered off, none of this would have happened. It's because of me that our parents are dead and you have a werewolf for a brother. I deserve everything I got, but you don't."

"Don't say that! Mum and Dad died to protect us. They would be happy to know you were all right."

"I'm not all right. I will never be all right until there is a cure for this defect."

"If there is, we will find it. You're done with this...this hiding. I'm going to help you. You're going to take what's yours and have as much wolfsbane as you need while we decide what to do."

"I told you, Rain, it won't make a difference. Nothing _can_ be done about it."

Lupin cleared his throat, finally feeling bold enough to intrude upon a conversation he felt he had no place witnessing. "I realize this is a trying time for you, but if you allow your sister to help, there is hope. You need not endure what you described as the infinitely dark days ahead. I teach Defense Against the Dark Arts here and I have met many werewolves in my life. Plenty would be grateful for a single family member or friend willing to stand by them. Along with access to wolfsbane, you will be surprised at how dramatically life can improve."

Rain grabbed Matthew's hand. He flinched. Lupin knew he had grown unaccustomed to touch.

"Please, _please_ try. Do this for me," she implored.

"I don't think I have any hope left, Rain. You don't have the first idea of what I've endured."

"Then help me to," she said. "Because I have plenty of hope to spare."

"I think it's time to pay a call to Madam Rosmerta," Dumbledore said, standing. "She's waited long enough to see her nephew alive."

"Thank you, Professor Dumbledore," Rain said. "Thank you for finding Matthew."

Dumbledore looked at Lupin and back at Rain. "It was a lucky guess, I'm afraid. I can't take all of the credit."

"Even so, I don't think I could possibly show you how much it means to me."

Dumbledore nodded.

"Could I be excused from classes tomorrow?" Rain looked at her brother. "We have much to talk about."

"I have no objections, and I don't believe your teachers would either, am I correct, Remus?"

"No, absolutely not," Lupin replied.

Rain smiled and pulled Matthew out the door.

When he heard it shut, Lupin turned back to the Headmaster.

"What a happy mistake," Dumbledore chimed.

"Albus, he's going to tell her. He sensed me as soon as he made contact. It's a miracle nothing slipped just now."

"That I don't believe. Matthew knows first-hand how sensitive that information is."

"Rain is his sister. They were close. It would only be the natural thing to do."

"Give him a little credit."

Lupin nodded. Dumbledore was right; Matthew had shown great selflessness and grit. He knew that revealing Lupin's identity would ruin him. There was nothing to worry about. And even if he did tell Rain, she needed to know eventually. It would save him the trouble of telling her himself. Still, he felt his fingers tap nervously on his knee at the prospect of her finding out by anyone else's words. She wanted and deserved to hear the truth from him and only him.

 _Please...please don't tell her_ , he prayed.

"Now where to go from here," Dumbledore mused.

"I've just upended a werewolf from his home and hiding place," Lupin replied. "The least I can do is make sure a new one awaits him."

* * *

Rain and Matthew sat in The Three Broomsticks while Rosmerta cooked second lunch. The barmaid threw such a fit when they walked in the previous day that she shooed every customer out and closed the pub. Like Rain, her initial anger and disbelief softened when Matthew explained just why he'd stayed in Bosnia for so many years. Now all she could focus on was putting meat on his thin frame.

"Did you ever...find the one responsible?" Rain asked him cautiously.

"No. Even if I did, I could never blame him. There have been mornings I woke up with blood on my hands, praying I had eaten an animal and not a human. The guilt I have carried wondering..."

"I never considered that," Rain said. "I'm ashamed to admit it. Someone out there has to live knowing that they did something horrible without ever having the choice to refuse."

They heard a _tap_ at the window and saw an owl perching outside with a letter. Matthew opened it and tore the envelope.

 _Matthew_ ,  
 _If you are still aspiring to be an auror, I would be happy to arrange a meeting with you at the Ministry of Magic. I have acquaintances in the auror department who can be well trusted. It is no ordinary office job, so your absences would not be noticed by anyone but your partner, a friend of mine named Nymphadora Tonks. She could make your excuses if necessary. Please consider my offer, and if you accept, reply to this owl and I will send a message straight away._  
 _Cordially,_  
 _Remus Lupin_

"This is all so sudden," Matthew said. "Yesterday you thought I was dead, and today I have a chance to become an auror again. Could this really be happening? Am I about to wake up?"

Rain took the message from his hands and reread it. "Professor Lupin wrote you?"

"Remus has been very kind to me," Matthew said.

"You know him?"

"He's the one who found me," Matthew replied. "He came to me in Bosnia and invited me to Hogwarts. Now, it seems, he wants to help me find a job. How extraordinary."

"I thought that was Dumbledore."

"No. I never met Dumbledore until yesterday morning in his office."

"So it was Lupin all along..." Rain said, almost to herself. "But why did he not tell me he was helping you?"

What Rain didn't know, and what Matthew didn't say, was that Remus himself was a werewolf. Yes, he knew. Werewolves could often sense each other, even as humans. He was helping someone whose needs he understood, and Matthew could never reveal the secret of a man who had done so much for him, so he kept silent. What Rain _did_ know was that Lupin had changed her life, brought her happiness again, saved her brother from a life of solitude but wanted nothing in return, not even credit. He wanted her to continue thinking him the selfish, heartless brute he'd once tried to impersonate.

"I have to go, but I'll be back," she said.

* * *

As students filed out of Defense Against the Dark Arts, Rain set her sights on the man in the front of the room erasing the chalk board. When the last body passed through the doorway she waved her wand, charming the lock and closing the curtains. Lupin turned in time to see her final determined strides.

"Rain-"

"I _know_ ," she said.

Lupin stammered. "You...you do?"

"Yes."

"You know...everything?"

" _Yes_."

This was it. This was the moment. Matthew had told her.

"Who spoke to you? Your brother? I know it wasn't Dumbledore. He said I couldn't."

"Yes, Matthew told me."

"Of course."

"You couldn't have expected him to keep it to himself."

"I did understand that risk, yes. I just didn't think-"

"Dumbledore..." Rain remarked. "So _that's_ why you waited so long."

"We couldn't be sure how you would take the news."

"I suppose you had to be absolutely certain of how I would react before saying anything. It is...shocking and overwhelming to say the least."

Lupin set the eraser in his hand on the base of the chalk board and turned back to her. "So now you know."

"Now I know," Rain answered.

"I would understand if...if you wanted to..."

He expected her to run. He expected her to hate him. Instead she cut the distance between them to nothing and fused their mouths together.

Lupin pulled away in disbelief. "You're...you're okay with this?"

"Am I okay with the true person you are? Absolutely, yes. I will no longer allow you to pretend you're something you're not," Rain said.

She tried to kiss him again but he put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her seriously. "You are _absolutely_ sure?"

"You kept a secret to protect me but that's over now."

"And that's just the point, this doesn't mean we can just jump right into..." she kissed him again "...too dangerous..." he found himself kissing back "...something...could happen."

Finally he managed to separate them.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take," Rain said.

"You deserve someone young and whole, and that isn't me."

She grabbed his collar and held it firm. "Remus Lupin, I'm in love with you. I don't love anyone else. I _won't_ love anyone else. If I can't be with you, I can't be with anyone."

The idea didn't process in him.

"How can that be?" he asked.

"Just...just tell me that what you said wasn't true. That night. I want to hear it once and for all."

Lupin's hands moved from her shoulders up her neck to cradle her cheeks. He couldn't remember the last time he'd let himself say words so intimate. "The reason I stayed away, the reason I never came back to The Three Broomsticks after the day we met, was because I knew if I did I would never want to leave you again."

She closed her eyes, letting the words sink in.

"And I will always regret that I couldn't tell you that sooner," Lupin added. "But-"

Rain stood on her tip toes and kissed him. Slowly, slowly the restraint he'd used the past several months faded from his limbs. She knew, and still, she wanted him. He never would have imagined her to accept him at all and now that she did, the world around him as he knew it altered entirely. He couldn't distinguish right from left, much less right from wrong anymore.

He took in a breath, filling his empty lungs once for every time he said that a woman like her would never desire a werewolf's touch. He ran his hands up her back and through her hair, then returned to her hips. He picked her up and set her on his desk.

"If you object to the notion of my behaving entirely unbefitting towards you, you may want to leave the room."

She grabbed his tie and brought him in before he could finish the last word. He happily obliged, moving closer until no square inch on the front of their bodies didn't touch the other's. Rain leaned back but he put his hand behind her neck and drew her upright. She tried again but he resisted.

"I want you now," she breathed. "I _need_ you now."

"After you graduate."

She stopped. "You can't possibly be serious."

"Of course I am."

Rain crossed her arms over her stomach, grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. At first he thought she wore nothing underneath. A skin-colored bra covered her freckled chest, barely, but not enough to bring back his focus. Not when she put both hands behind her for support and arched her back so that it slipped even lower down her ribs.

"After dinner," he offered.

Her face gave no hint of compromise. Instead of saying so she took his hand and placed it flat on her inner thigh. She used her fingers to guide it up over her underwear so he could feel just how much she needed him and not a minute later.

"Rain I have thirty minutes until lunch is over and another class takes their seat."

"Then we'll just have to pick up at the places we've left off," she said, positioning his hands at her hips and grabbing hold of her underwear. "We're already on a wooden surface, after all." She lifted her knees and guided them down her legs. Lupin held the small piece of fabric for a moment before dropping it to the floor.

He looked at her skirt, his only barrier, knowing the thrill that lay within. Knowing he could have it if he wanted.

"Perhaps then..." he started "...you ought to kiss me the way you did over summer. If we're picking up where we left off."

"The way you said you didn't like?"

"Yes. Like that. _Just_ like that."

She smiled, then tilted her chin up, straightened her back and brought her mouth to his, stroking inside him with her tongue. Rain found the top button of his trousers and plucked it apart before guiding the zipper down. His breathing intensified. She wanted to see how high she could bring him. Her fingers reached and upon making contact with his skin, slowly stroked once before pushing the garment down and drawing him out. Lupin moaned into her mouth.

"Rain, wait."

She leaned back and used her legs to urge him forward so that his tip pressed against her. There he hesitated, feeling the wet between her thighs, imagining the sensation of giving in, believing that refusing might just kill him. But Rain had waited long enough. She caught his hip in her hand, hooked her legs around his back, and pulled him forward one final time.

She gasped, opening her eyes, holding him still before pulling again. He caught her mouth in his and she bit his lip harder for every inch that he entered. Rain's hands moved to his hair and around his neck. The pressure widened her until she tightly enveloped him.

Lupin struggled to speak. He felt the tension already starting to build. "Are you all right?" he whispered.

Rain licked her lips and nodded.

He slowly withdrew, letting out a sigh. It felt even better than entering.

"What were you about to say?" she asked.

He used one hand to support himself on the desk while the other roamed up Rain's leg to her lower back, holding her still as he pushed in again. His eyes fluttered shut. Instead of giving an answer he buried his face in her neck. She tipped her head, feeling the stubble of his facial hair against her skin mix with the heat of his breaths. She'd wanted him for so long, and now she wanted to memorize just the way it felt when he finally lost all of his control and enjoyed her.

Every time he brushed over her nerves, more would awaken and travel up her stomach. Soon they grew so strong that the waves reached her lungs and made her want to cry out, but she forced herself to stay quiet, too shy to express her enjoyment. Lupin pulled the straps of her bra down, uncovering her enough to run his hands over her nipples. Rain discarded her clothing so that he could touch her as he pleased, but he only closed his eyes fixedly shut.

"Look at me," she said.

"If I see you, I'm afraid I...might..." he replied, then, despite himself, opened his eyes. Rain saw his features darken as he visually ravaged her skin. The smoldering blush from his gaze spread over her cheeks down to her neck and chest, which he leered at along with her hips and thighs. In a flash, he flipped her onto her stomach. Her feet reached the floor and she stood, peering at him over her shoulder.

"The pain," he said. "Is it gone?"

She slowly nodded her head, wondering why he would ask.

Lupin seized her right leg, slammed it atop the desk, grabbed her hips and drilled into her from behind. She felt him deeper, the sensations grew stronger. His hand rose to cup her breasts, pulling her so tightly to him that the buttons of his shirt ground into her back. He scraped his teeth up and down her shoulders, nibbling gently. Just as she thought she would burst, his fingers slid down her stomach and stroked between her legs. Now she could not keep from screaming aloud. Nothing in the world had ever felt like this. It was too much to bear.

"Stop...stop...I can't."

She could hardly talk.

"Not yet," he said in her ear.

She squeezed and crumpled the papers on his desk under her hands. She felt him in her toes setting all of the cells in her body alight. The muscles inside her contracted and expanded, and that's when she heard him begin to pant.

As she vibrated around him, Lupin's vision blurred. She was so hot and tight and wet and the smell of every drop that oozed from her made him drunk. He felt the beast in him clawing to get out. He tried to resist it. He'd always been able to. He didn't want to hurt her, but he felt like he was sinking into water, suffocating rapidly, and the taste of her would offer his last remaining breath. His orgasm rose higher and he snapped.

"Oh...fuck!" he cried out and sunk his teeth deeply into her shoulder.

She screamed until her voice faltered and writhed under him. She would have dropped to the floor but he held up her hips. The desk slid little by little, screeching as he drove Rain into it. Lupin released a satisfied moan and surrendered her from his grip to collapse beside her. They both lay on their backs, fighting for breath. Her eyes were still closed when he bolted up and inspected her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Don't...apologize," Rain muttered, then smiled. "Though I must admit, I never took you for _that_ type."

"This could be trouble."

"What harm could come of it?" she asked, genuinely oblivious. "I'm sure it won't leave a mark and I'll cover it in the meantime. No one will know."

How could she remain so calm? Didn't she know what this meant? Then Lupin went rigid.

"Wait. What... _exactly_ did Matthew tell you?"

Rain sat up on her elbows and traced his jaw with her finger. "That you were the one who found him and brought him back here. That you're helping him become an auror."

He cleared his throat, now starting to constrict. "Nothing...nothing else?"

"No," she said. "Is there something else?"

His entire world came crashing down. "No," he said. "Not at all."


	13. Chapter 13

Lupin sat up and rubbed his eyes. He'd done the unthinkable. Nevermind that Rain didn't know she'd just bedded a werewolf; their disastrous miscommunication gave rise to the most abhorrent detail of them all: the bite. He could still taste the tinge of blood in his mouth. She wouldn't morph into a wolf, but she would prefer rare meat, her senses would respond more rapidly, and, all the trickier, she would want, _need_ , the company of the opposite sex around the full moon. He'd gone from unimaginable happiness to resounding dread.

"Are you all right?" she asked, sitting up too.

"I have a naked student on my desk, Rain."

She located her shirt and draped it over her arms. "Better?"

He eyed her.

"You already regret this, I can see it," she said. "You're going to leave, aren't you? But you said-"

"I'm not going anywhere," he replied, trying to keep her from hysterics. "I just...what if something happens? What if you get pregnant? Oh God, you did take the proper-"

"Yes, everything will be fine."

"Because you _cannot_ get pregnant."

The thought of infecting an innocent child along with Rain made him nauseous.

"I don't want to _be_ pregnant," she replied. "And magic makes that easily preventable."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I do trust you. This was just very, very sudden."

"That was my fault. I should have done as you said and slowed down, but-"

"Yes, you should have. I hardly had time to think. There are things we needed to discuss first," he said sharply. "It's not as if we are two regular people coming together in an appropriate fashion. Our situation has gone from bad to worse." He stood up and adjusted his clothes, then faced her. "Let me see your shoulder."

Belittled, Rain made to stand but she lost her balance, catching herself on the desk. She looked around, confused, and tried again a little more slowly.

"What's wrong?" Lupin asked.

Rain stammered. "I can't."

"Oh. OH," he said, realizing what she meant. "Just...stay seated then."

She leaned forward and slid her collar down for him to assess the wound. "I'd send you to the hospital wing to have this examined, but given the conditions, that would be a bad idea."

She pulled away from him. "I'll tend to it later. There's no reason to fuss. I can hardly feel it."

"You will."

If only she knew how much.

"Would you hand me my clothes?"

He bent to retrieve her skirt below him on the floor. As he straightened, his eyes caught sight of her bare legs resting on the desk. She was still quite nearly naked, save for the shirt she'd half employed to ease his guilt. She hadn't buttoned it yet. His body responded immediately. What was wrong with him? How could he even consider this again?

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you want me to stay as I am," Rain said.

Before he had the chance to act, he set her skirt on her lap. "I...I'm going to go upstairs while you dress." He teetered backwards and put his hand on the cold staircase railing. It refreshed him. "We will talk later."

Rain watched him solemnly. Nothing was happening as it should and she could think of no way to fix it. "If you say so."

* * *

Lupin couldn't hope to sleep that night. He didn't even bother changing his clothes or laying in bed.

In what world did he think he lived in which Rain could love him? How could he have been so recklessly hopeful as to think she would give herself to a man with taint in his blood? He should have asked more questions. He should have said no. But he wanted so much to believe that a good thing had graced him that, for once in his life, he didn't think twice about his actions. Now, instead of the happiness she deserved, he would have to warn her of the hell her life would resemble. All because of him.

After taking his wolfsbane he walked around the castle in the dark, formulating just what to say. He would tell her everything the next day from start to finish: how he'd wanted to reveal his identity the moment she told him of her family, how he thought she knew his true self when he gave into her, that he would understand if she wanted him fired now that he'd turned her into a partial werewolf. A voice interrupted his train of thought. Assuming it was one of the portraits, he continued on his way. Then he recognized Severus's low sneer bullying a student, as usual.

"Professor?" Lupin said.

The light of Snape's wand revealed both him and Harry in the hallway.

"My my, Lupin. Out for a little stroll in the moonlight are we?" Snape responded.

Lupin ignored him. He was in no mood for sarcastic banter. "Harry, is everything all right?"

"That remains to be seen," Snape replied, then grabbed a piece of parchment from Harry's hand for Lupin to examine. When the drops of ink appeared with the Marauders' seal, he almost let out a gasp. He made excuses for the map and invited Harry to follow him back to his classroom.

"Now, I have no idea how this map came to be in your possession, but frankly I am astounded you didn't hand it in. Did it ever occur to you that this map in the hands of Sirius Black is a map to you?"

Harry shook his head. Lupin chided him. He hated it, but the thought of something happening to Harry after James and Lily did so much to keep him safe encouraged him to sink the message in.

"I will not cover up for you again, Harry, do you hear me? I want you to go back to your dormitory and stay there. And don't take any detours. If you do, I shall know," he said, pointing to the map.

As he walked back to his office, Harry uttered, "Professor, just so you know, I don't think that map always works."

"Really, why?"

"It showed someone in the castle earlier. Someone I know to be dead."

"And who might that be?"

"Peter Pettigrew."

Shocked, Lupin replied weakly. "That's...not possible."

"It's just what I saw. Good night, Professor."

Lupin watched Harry leave out of the classroom doors. First Rain believed Scabbers an animagus, then Harry saw Peter on the map. The map never lied. It was time to get to the bottom of this. If Peter indeed lived, he must find him and free Sirius from a life as an innocent fugitive before the dementors had the chance to perform the kiss. As someone with access to the castle, and as his best friend living, it was Lupin's duty to spare him such an unspeakable fate.

He cringed. But what to do about Rain? If the news he intended to share incited her to lash out, him being fired would not help anyone. He would disdain having to prolong his deception, but what other option would present itself? Sirius could die. He opened the map and studied it. With this to reference, finding Peter should only take a matter of days. Rain's symptoms would develop slowly. He would keep his distance during the full moon, for who knew how he might act around the woman he marked, and then tell her everything the moment he found Peter. He desperately hoped she would forgive him. He would do everything in his power to make her understand the truth: that he loved her and would never have hurt her, changed her, or bound her to his kind of life on purpose. After everything he'd done, though, the truth may not be enough to save him.

* * *

Lupin stood in front of his following seventh-year class period.

"I have a quick announcement: my office hours for the remainder of this week will be closed. If anyone wishes to meet with me to discuss their grade or the coming exams, I will be available before and after class all of next week."

He caught sight of Rain. She was going to try and stay after to speak with him and watching her face fall tore his heart in two. He looked at his feet and back up to other students.

"Now let's begin."

The full moon shone that Saturday night, giving Lupin Sunday to rest. One more month of the school year to hide. He felt discouraged that Peter's name hadn't so much as blinked on the map since confiscating it from Harry, but he held fast to his hope. Any day now and he could set things right.

He checked the map again and tucked it into his jacket. Nothing.

* * *

Rain knocked outside Lupin's office. No answer, just as the day prior. She sat on the top step of his staircase and buried the cloudburst roiling in her stomach. The reason for his locked door could only stem from a desire to distance himself from her. She'd tried, desperately, to come up with some other reason but she was old enough and experienced enough to know that when a man ignored you after sex it never meant anything good. Other explanations she contrived stemmed from foolish ignorance. The micro details of their time together were obsessively recounted. She said she loved him. He didn't say it back. Another bad sign. But he _did_ say he cared, didn't he?

Another student, Harry, entered the classroom and she hurried to make it look like she hadn't been sulking.

"His office hours are still closed it looks like," she said as she passed by him.

"Still closed? Were they before?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"No. I was just here a few days ago."

Disbelief reached into her chest and detached her from feeling. She could only force a numb smile, return to her dorm, and fall heavily on her pillow. There she had it: her worst speculation materialized in Harry's comment. She lay alone, trying not to allow another tear to fall and failing repeatedly, wondering what went wrong.

If only she could erase the memories. She'd had sex before; lifeless relations that were over before she could turn off the light and provoked no attachment. The other boys hadn't even thought to kiss her or ask after her comfort. Nothing like her time with Lupin. To her, at least, what they had done was the very essence of making love. How could anyone show such physical vulnerability and affection while meaning nothing? How could she convince her skin to stop coveting his next to it when his was the best she'd ever felt? Surely her heart could send the message to the rest of her body that such requests would only bring more despair. But her heart wasn't in her anymore; he'd taken it and dangled it in front of her every day as if to taunt that she couldn't have it back.

Correction: she'd offered it freely, practically begged him to take it, and now he'd hidden it away in the same unobtainable location he'd hidden himself. Its absence made the muscles and bones around her chest cave painfully inward towards the hollow spaces.

Violet walked in with her quidditch gear and Rain took the time while she changed clothes to wipe her face.

"Everything all right?" Violet asked.

Rain hadn't told her of the events with Lupin. Considering how poor the decision turned out to be, she didn't want to admit to her mistake. In the mean time, she was forced to pretend like all of her mood swings stemmed from her brother's shocking reemergence in her life.

"I just feel so restless."

"How is Matthew?" Violet asked.

"He's doing well. Just started at the Ministry. He's paranoid someone will notice, of course. Last night was the first full moon. I'm going to write him later and ask how the wolfsbane worked."

"Tonks will make sure he's all right."

"Yes. It's strange how much I disliked her at first and now I couldn't love her more. Same for Matthew, I think he's got a bit of a crush. He'll probably never tell her, though."

"I imagine he assumes she wouldn't return his feelings since she knows..."

"Yeah. That does complicate things," Rain said.

"Come on," Violet said, pulling her up. "If you have a lot of pent up energy we can take you flying."

"I hate flying."

"Then it shouldn't take long before it starts to work. Up!"

* * *

Monday at breakfast, students chattered and spread the news of the Ministry's decision regarding Buckbeak. The shock brought Hagrid to tears sitting over his plate. Fudge sentenced the hippogriff to execution the last week of school. How unfeeling of Lucius Malfoy, of everyone, to spend so much of the Ministry's efforts destroying the life of an animal, and on Hogwarts grounds, no less. Lupin looked to the Gryffindor table and saw Rain as she overheard the story for herself. He expected her disappointment, he felt it too, but then, through the distress in the Great Hall came the cacophony of Draco Malfoy's laughter at the Slytherin bench. Rain heard him with horror in her eyes. She sprung up, stomped up to the third year, picked up his plate and cup and dumped his breakfast over his blonde hair. Lupin would have stopped her but Snape got there first.

"Detention, Ms. Marquis!"

"Did you not hear him laughing that an innocent animal will be slaughtered because of his disgusting father?!" Rain shouted.

Lupin stopped. Maybe her symptoms would show sooner than he thought.

"No, I did not," Snape replied. "Detention."

"For a stain?"

"For a week, if you're not careful."

She closed her mouth and Violet yanked her away.

"What is wrong with you?" Violet asked.

"I don't _know_ ," Rain replied angrily. Then she looked at Lupin. "Or maybe I do."

She stormed from the room and did not attend his class later that morning. Lupin realized then that he may have to formulate a plan in case he didn't find Peter by the end of May. Her symptoms would only get worse. Perhaps, he thought, if he gave her his wolfsbane it would ease her distress. He could go without it for one month and barricade himself the Shrieking Shack like he did when he was a student. He dreaded the pain the transformation would bring unaided, but couldn't stand watching her decline, even partially. The only problem remaining was how to administer it without her realizing.

But it wasn't just the infection. Lupin knew that. He hadn't spoken to Rain since that fateful day during lunch. At first the full moon provided the perfect excuse but now it was mere cowardice. He couldn't imagine the confusion and grief she must have felt. In another world, once he'd had her, he'd have never let her out of his sight, much less out of the room for days on end. It took an inhuman level of self control to keep the recollections of her out of his head during the day but at night, in the short moments while his consciousness surrendered to sleep and he could no longer think for himself, the images of her unclothed and the perfect sensation of sinking inside her taut skin roused him fully awake with the curiosity of trying again. He _wanted_ her again, desperately, and he would never forgive himself for it.

The time had come to mend as much of his destruction as he was presently capable, just before the end of the school year and the revelation it brought could undo it.

* * *

Rain walked into detention in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and met the Weasley twins and Neville Longbottom.

"What are you here for?" she asked them.

"We have a standing appointment every Wednesday," the twins said.

"I'm still serving my detentions for losing the passwords," Neville answered.

"I guess mine is pretty obvious," Rain added.

"That was wicked, by the way."

"Little git deserved it."

"Good evening," Lupin said, descending the stairs. "Let's see. Ah, Gryffindors, as usual. Well, you may read, work, or amuse my grindylow."

Rain sat and pulled out a book, _Emma_. The twins went to explore the various contraptions around the room, and Neville tended to some herbs he brought.

"When you serve detention for months at a time, potting plants is a decent enough project. Professor Sprout says I'm getting pretty good."

Lupin supervised the twins, then made his way to the window where Neville worked and found some volumes for him to reference from his book shelf. Eventually he walked up to Rain and leaned against the desk she sat at with his hands in his pockets.

"You really shouldn't let Draco get to you."

She brought the book higher to block him from view.

"It's his father who made him who he is," he added.

"I'll remember that the next time I see Lucius Malfoy."

"You'll do well not to repeat that fiasco towards a former Death Eater."

"Did you know that Mr. Knightley was sixteen years older than Emma?" Rain asked. "That must be why he felt like he had the right scold her all the time."

"Considering Emma was a rich, spoiled child, she usually needed it."

"She was twenty-one."

He checked to make sure the twins and Neville stood far enough away not to hear them. The three boys worked clear on the other side of the room.

"And you're nineteen, I might point out."

"I doubt her youth bothered him on their wedding night," she spat. Lupin's eyes bulged and he almost lost his balance. "I wonder if he'll ever admit that he was completely unfeeling or if he'll just let Emma take the blame for all of their disagreements until the end of their lives."

"He does come to that realization, eventually."

Rain put her book down. "But I doubt you will. Why are you here?"

"To see how you've been."

"To see how I've been? You haven't said one word to me in over a week. I tried knocking on your door Saturday and Sunday but you didn't answer. How do you _think_ I've been?"

"I wasn't aware you tried to reach me."

"Of course I tried to reach you! Most people want to reconnect after they've..." she stopped herself and restarted. "You can cut the act, all right? It's only making things worse. You may not have literally run from me, but you did in another way, and frankly, why follow? I have nothing left to offer. Nothing to try and convince you to give me the smallest effort. Our time together obviously wasn't worth repeating to you. It must have been even more obscene than kissing me given the way you vanished."

He closed his eyes. "Please don't say that."

"For one moment I thought you had finally stopped fighting me, but I was wrong. And the worst part is, you warned me this would happen. You said it as clearly as any fool could understand and I didn't listen."

"You know I didn't mean what I said."

" _What_ didn't you mean? You've said so many things that I've lost track. Your behavior, though, has made it perfectly clear how you feel. You don't want to see or talk to me," she said, feeling grief begin to crack at her voice. "Got it. Done."

"I've had...things to do."

"Go and do them, then."

"Oi, Professor!" Fred shouted.

Lupin turned.

"Your record player is completely filthy!"

"There is nothing wrong with my record player," Lupin replied.

"Look, I can see the dust inside. Can I take it apart?"

"Absolutely not."

Rain grabbed her book and got up from the desk. "Just because it plays well for you on the outside doesn't mean you can ignore all of the pieces on the inside."

Before she could walk away, he spoke. "Mr. Knightley acts the way he does because he cares. He sees Emma begin to change from the poor influences around her and can't stand to watch it, so he responds the only way he knows how."

"Why doesn't he tell her that instead of letting her think she's worthless?"

He took the book from her hands, flipping almost to the very end, reading softly. "'I cannot make speeches, Emma. If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more...I have blamed you and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it.'"

He handed the book back and she grasped it.

"I know what I've put you through. But you were wrong when you said I've cast off what you've given me. I hold it very dearly." He stood up, too. "So I think it's time I took a look at that record player."

"It's too late. The damage has been done."

"Nonsense," he replied. "Anything that can produce a tone that bold that still has some fight left."


	14. Chapter 14

"I hope you don't think you can just quote Jane Austen and get out of this," Rain said when the twins and Neville left from detention. "You still have a lot of explaining to do for the past week."

"I believe you about Scabbers," Lupin replied simply.

"What does that have to do with you panicking that I would get pregnant..."

"Rightly so. It wouldn't take a genius to count the months and determine you were still my student when it happened."

"...then blaming _me_ for our-"

"That was out of line, I admit. I could have stopped myself and I didn't."

"...then leaving me alone, hardly able to stand..."

"If I hadn't, I might have made that problem worse."

"...and then ignoring me!"

"I was overwhelmed!"

"So was I!" Rain huffed. "We could have talked but instead you pushed me away."

"There was no other choice."

"Because of a rat?"

He looked up in thought, carefully formulating an answer. "I'm sorry. It wasn't fair to criticize you as I did. Believe it or not, that very night as I walked trying to find the words to apologize, an event occurred which convinced me that you were right about Peter. I have devoted just about all of my energy to finding him before the dementors find Sirius. Please understand that a man's life is at stake."

"Well," Rain crossed her arms. "It's about time."

"And I'm trying to make up for all of it that I've lost. Outside of those sitting in my classes, the only person I've spoken to this week is Harry. I'm helping him with his patronus. Like you, he has horrible memories that replay in the dementors' presence. Given how fixated they are on him, the matter has become urgent."

She softened. "Does Harry know anything?"

"Not yet. And he won't until I can come up with that rat."

"You still should have come to me. I can speak to animals, you know. I could have helped you."

"The last time I asked for your help finding someone, we didn't do much searching."

Rain glared at him. "To be clear, you should be trying to make me _less_ angry, not more."

"Look, I can't make you any promises, Rain, and I can't justify my behavior in a way that deserves your forgiveness, but neither can I seem to hide that I am completely and helplessly in love with you."

She stammered. "You...you are?"

"Though it may not matter in the end."

"Of course it matters! It's _all_ that matters!"

"I did not expect anything that has happened between us to come into my life. Now that it has, I'm just trying to make sense of it. I'm trying to find a way for it to work when everything assures me it can't."

"Why can't it?"

 _Because I've exposed you to something terrible and you will never want to see me again once you know. I've stayed away, not just in the search for Peter, but because no part of me will resist you now, whether the moon be full, half, or new._

"Enough time spent with me explains all of what I am. Then you will see," he replied.

"Can you stop being ambiguous for one moment?"

"If the only thing I make clear, in this moment, is that I have a sincere, ardent, and uncontrollable attachment to you, and that I would never intentionally harm a single one of the generous bones in your body, it will be enough. All I ask is you remember that, whatever may come."

Rain put her bag on the floor. "What if we...tried again?" she asked, stepping forward. "Took our time and did things right?"

"That would be impossible."

"Why? If you love me, truly, then we can work through anything."

"I wish I could believe that."

"You think because of my age, I'm naive in saying so?" she asked.

"I hate to be the person in your life telling you that experience will teach you otherwise, but I will all the same."

"I won't hear it," Rain replied. "Not after everything that's happened. I can't help myself. I am incapable of putting my mind to anyone or anything else. No matter what I say I'd follow you anywhere without even stopping to think. Every feeling in me is repulsed by the idea of being separated from you and I don't care how rash or foolhardy I sound saying it. As long as we're being honest with each other I may as well confess that for every time you tell me it can't happen I say it _must_ happen. There is no other choice, no alternative. It's not something I am deciding for myself but has been decided for me by something much more powerful than I can withstand."

The mark, that was what, Lupin thought. He believed it would only affect him, but clearly Rain was bound just as tightly by his act. He'd broken the skin and invaded her blood. Their draw would no longer restrict itself to emotions but have a chemical and physical response. Resistance was beyond the realm of possibility. He could already feel the urge in his feet to move forward. His own voice overpowered his rationality.

"I know what you mean," he admitted.

Relief swept over her. She took another step and put her hand on his chest. "Then what makes you think you can say or do anything to convince me otherwise?"

He sighed. "I have no idea."

The handle on the classroom door turned. Quick as lightning, Rain pulled out her wand and blasted him. Lupin lay on the floor several yards away by the time Neville strolled inside.

"Good, very good!" Lupin said, sitting up. "I feel safe saying you've mastered that spell, Rain."

"Thanks for helping me, Professor," she said.

"I've just come for my notebook," Neville said. "I left it by the window."

"Here it is," Rain replied, finding it.

"The Head Boy and Girl are starting to do their rounds. Do you want to walk back to the common room with me?" he said, putting his notebook in his bag.

"Oh. Yes. Of course. I suppose I should," Rain said, picking up her own bag and looking at Lupin disappointingly.

"Good night, Professor," Neville called as he walked through the door.

"Good night, Neville," Lupin said, getting to his feet.

Rain followed Neville through the doorway but turned and caught his eye before disappearing. After everything, wishing each other a good night seemed entirely redundant.

* * *

That evening Lupin wandered to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. He had no idea what to do. He loved Rain, but the only pieces she loved back were the few he'd allowed to show. If he could just find Peter and be free to tell her the truth. He would rather live honestly with the consequences than continue to lie with rewards. So many problems floated in his head that instead of sitting and working them through, his mind decided to shut down. A walk may help put things in order.

He looked at the trees and the stars. "Padfoot!" he called. "If you're there, if you can hear me, I know the truth!"

The wind swished a ways above him and he saw a dementor hovering past as it patrolled the grounds. His hand rested on the wand in his pocket.

In the distance, over the sounds of crickets and owls, a bark echoed once, then again twice more.

* * *

Rain found Violet in the common room next to the fire and sat beside her on the couch. Most everyone had gone up to bed.

"I think it might be time," Violet said. She checked around her and leaned closer to Rain. "With Oliver."

In any other state, Rain would sit up excitedly and pester her friend for details, but she only hugged a pillow. "Just be wholly certain beforehand."

"It's been almost five months. We're running out of other things to do."

"Do you mean to say, you've gone through his entire quidditch playbook and are now ready to score a goal?" Rain asked.

"I love quidditch and I still hate that you just said that."

"Seriously though, be careful. You'd think sex would make things easier but it can sometimes complicate them more."

"I doubt I want to know where this opinion is coming from."

"Trust me, you don't."

* * *

Judging by the lack of news the following weeks, Rain assumed Lupin had yet to find Peter. He'd paid for taking time off from office hours so close to exams. Leagues of students stayed to ask him questions after class every day, so she didn't bother trying.

One Friday night, the universal break period for teacher and student, she knocked on his door. The mountains had tucked the sun away behind them and only a soft blue grey light remained in the sky.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

He was just getting ready to blow out the lantern atop his desk and walk up the stairs to his room.

"You should be in bed," he replied.

Rain stepped forward but she wasn't alone. Trailing behind her was Crookshanks.

"If you can't find Scabbers inside the castle, we will have to look outside it. Crookshanks can sense and track him much easier than we can. It may take a while but it's better than a blind search."

"I can't let you do that. It's too dangerous."

"I'm not afraid. You'll be with me. It's as you said, a man's life is at stake."

Lupin looked at his cloak draped over his chair.

"One hour. If the cat smells nothing we return."

They extinguished the lights in the office and the classroom, locking the door and crossing the corridors with little sound.

"If Severus finds me doing this I'm in for it."

"He doesn't seem to like you much. I mean, that's normal for him, but usually with teachers he is more pleasant."

"We go back. He has a grudge, and if I'm honest, it isn't unjustified. But that's a story for another time."

Late spring in the Scottish countryside didn't bring warm evenings. The last of winter's chill still blew over them as a reminder that it would not pass quietly in defeat. They crossed the lawns at a quicker speed.

"The last place Crookshanks saw Scabbers was here, so that's where we'll start," Rain said, pointing after the cat who was already between two trees and trudging further into the forest.

As they walked and inspected each shadow and call of the wild, Rain thought of something.

"Do you maybe want to talk to Sirius?"

Lupin stopped.

"Crookshanks knows where he is. He can lead us there."

"I...I'm not sure that I'm ready for that," Lupin replied.

"Whether you're ready or not it's bound to happen the day we find the rat. It could very well be tonight."

"I know," he said. He began walking again in silence before he continued. "Something you must realize is that I should never have believed Sirius capable of bringing harm to James and Lily. I knew better than to think there was any earthly reward Sirius would accept in place of his friends. Many of us outside of James had little connections with our families. Coming to Hogwarts, meeting each other, living in the same house, we found a bond that never shook. Peter was quiet, and he had a tendency to follow the strongest in the pack. For many years that was James and Sirius and we foolishly mistook it for loyalty. I should have known. I should have known as soon as I heard the terrible news that Peter, and not Sirius, was at fault. The amount of repulsion Sirius held for the values of his family and blood purists should have silenced even the strongest of my doubts. I couldn't begin to ask for his forgiveness. I don't warrant it."

Rain reached between them and took hold of his hand in hers.

"I don't think Sirius will blame you."

Lupin looked at their laced fingers. She could tell the contact made him uncertain. Instead of telling her why they mustn't before promptly breaking her grasp, he relaxed each knuckle and finger. He slowed his step and allowed her to walk more easily beside him.

"I'm sorry," she said.

He turned to her. "For what?"

"I pestered you before. I didn't realize. Now that I do, I can't imagine how dreadful you must have felt when everything came to light."

"Don't apologize, Rain. Don't you dare think of it."

They walked further before Rain added.

"And when I spoke to Sirius, he held no grudge against you. Outside of his appearance, I wouldn't have guessed he'd just spent over a decade in the presence of dementors. I'll bet when the two of you are reunited it'll be as if no time has passed at all."

* * *

The last quidditch match of the season fell on a perfectly radiant Saturday. As Rain gazed at the flags ahead, she realized that this might be the final game she would ever see at Hogwarts. As much as she anticipated her and Violet's endeavors together exploring the magical forests of Europe and beyond, she envied the younger students and their security of at least one more year at the castle. She also couldn't help but wonder what in the name of Merlin would happen between her and Lupin once school no longer brought them together. Would he finally give her the commitment she wanted, or had their conversation only smoothed the waters until he decided they must separate for good? Like he said, he hadn't made any promises. After their search for Scabbers he saw her back to the portrait, bid her goodnight, and nothing more. Since telling her he loved her they'd acted more like friends than anything, but a steady friendship was progress compared to the ups and downs from before. Rain cherished the moments she caught him watching her, or the times he picked her book up when she dropped it or heard him humming the melody to "Parting Glass." She just didn't know where to go or what to say next.

Rain stopped below the bleachers to wish Violet luck. The Gryffindor team huddled around Oliver as he instructed Harry, "So you must catch it only if we're more than fifty points up...only if we're more than fifty points up, Harry, or we win the match but lose the Cup. You've got that, haven't you? You must catch the snitch only if we're..."

"I KNOW, OLIVER!"

Rain caught Violet's eye and they gave each other amused grins, then she climbed the stairs to sit with her house. Most of the school wore red and gold, as they unanimously supported Gryffindor over the green and silver of Slytherin. The stakes were high and every student and faculty member attended the match, even Hagrid. Hermione had convinced him to come to lift his spirits about Buckbeak.

"Are you saving this seat for anyone?" Lupin asked, appearing next to Rain.

Butterflies fluttered violently in her stomach. She shook her head.

"I thought you couldn't choose favorites," she said when he sat, pointing to his Gryffindor scarf.

"That was when we played Hufflepuff. With Slytherin, it's different story."

Rain laughed. She tapped her knees with her hands. With so many people around, they would have to keep their conversation to small talk.

"Are you ready for your final exams?" he asked.

That's when she thought of an idea. "I think I am, though I believe my...patronus needs more practice."

"Really?" he asked, not quite catching on. "It looked perfect."

"Yes, but you've only seen it the _one_ time, in your classroom."

The light went on. His mouth opened slowly and he eyed her beside him. "Your...patronus was lovely."

"But how do I know for sure?"

"Take my word for it. I've seen plenty and there are none to rival yours."

She smiled, but a fume promptly replaced it. "Wait. How many exactly?"

Madam Hooch blew her whistle and the game began. Gryffindor got an early lead and, as such, Slytherin resorted to its usual dirty tactics to make up for lost points. Their cheating only granted Gryffindor one penalty shot after another. Once they finally had a fifty point lead, Harry brought his Firebolt to life and caught the snitch. The stands erupted. The whole Gryffindor house poured onto the field to congratulate the team and especially Oliver, who could have cried from happiness. His final year and he'd won the cup at last.

"Party at The Three Broomsticks!" he yelled.

Rain turned and rushed to Hogsmeade to warn Rosmerta and Allison that their busiest afternoon was upon them. Gryffindors would know how to mark an occasion such as this.

* * *

"No, that goes to table three," Rain called after Allison. "Table THREE!" she repeated when the barmaid still went the wrong direction.

"Fifty firewhiskeys!" Oliver shouted, leaning over the bar. "One for every point!"

"You've had enough," Rain replied.

A glass broke in the distance and Rain charmed the broom to fly across the room and clean it up. People had to duck out of its way.

"Let him have one more," Violet called. "It's his last victory as captain."

 _Not according to what you've told me_ , Rain thought. "Fine, but he's your responsibility," she said, and charmed a bottle towards him.

The broom and dustpan returned and dropped the shards of glass on the counter. " _Reparo_!" she said and the glass reformed. Then she took it to the sink to wash. When she had second to breathe, she tried to clean off the crumbs and stains gathering on her dress, then looked at Hagrid slumped at a table by the window. She approached gingerly.

"Hagrid, is there anything I can get you?"

He shook his head, taking a sip from the largest mug the bar owned. Rain returned to the counter and saw Lupin sit beside him, putting his hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. She went into the kitchen.

"Rose, cover me a moment. There is something important I need to do."

Rain dug in the cupboards for Rosmerta's cookbook and gathered some ingredients. A short while later she emerged with a plate and delivered it to Hagrid's table.

"I made these for you." He didn't answer. She and Lupin looked at each other. "They're pepperup cookies," she added.

"Rain, can ya sit down a moment?" he slurred.

She pulled out a chair and sat across from him.

"There's somethin' I'd like you to tell Buckbeak. From me."

"All right," she said.

"Tell 'im he's a good hippogriff."

Rain nodded, feeling her heart sink. The happy spirit of the party around them slowly ebbed.

"And tell 'im...tell 'im I'm sorry. It was my fault for bringin' him around people who wouldn't understand him. He did nothin' wrong and he won't know why he's in trouble." Hagrid took another gulp. "He's been sittin' in that pumpkin patch, probly dyin' to fly and hunt and do all the things a free hippogriff ought to do, because a _pure blood_ wizard decided he wudn't worthy of some common respect. Lucius Malfoy's puttin' an animal to death for wantin' to be treated better than the vermin he steps on. Tell 'im I did everything I could, but it wudn't enough against such hatred. Terrible...terrible man."

Rain's eyes grew hot imagining the look of fear in Buckbeak's when she shared Hagrid's message. How could she explain that he was about to be executed simply for living his life as a hippogriff should? How awful it would be. The intolerance of her own kind shamed her. She swallowed down the compressed feeling in her throat, then tried her hardest to sound strong.

"Yes, of course I will, Hagrid."

She faked a smile and walked numbingly away from the table to the staircase and leaned on it, trying to regain herself. Catching Allison's arm, she told the barmaid she needed to take a break. Rain climbed each exhausting step and closed herself in her room. In solitude she grieved and let her tears fall freely, rubbing her eyes with her hands.

She was startled by a shifting noise. Lupin came through her door and closed it behind him.

"I'm fine, I just..." but she couldn't finish. The words weren't moving from their place in her heart up into her mouth.

"You've been set with a difficult task, more than I think Hagrid realizes in his present state," he said. "I can only imagine how you dread it."

"I wouldn't want to know if I was about to die," Rain said. "I wouldn't want anyone to tell me the future. It makes people think that their choices no longer affect their outcome; that things will happen only one way no matter what they do to change them."

"Some predictions, though, are very reliable."

"Such as yours about us?" she asked.

"I can't seem to predict anything about us anymore. Like you, I am entirely guided by the acute feelings I have no control over."

"Feelings which prompted you to follow me?"

"Picked me up and threw me after you would describe them better."

"I'm glad you did. I want you to stay," she said. "But I won't ask you to. I won't persuade you as I did the first time. What happens next will be entirely your choice."

Lupin walked to the door. She thought he was going to leave, but he reached up and turned the lock.

"Then I only have myself to blame for what I'm about to do," he answered.

Rain nervously watched him set his belongings on her dresser and approach her. Bending down, he lifted her in his arms and brought her to the bed, setting her atop it and switching the lantern off. The only light in the room came from the street lamps out the window. He leaned down on his hands, bringing his face close to hers.

"Just...say you forgive me first," he said.

"For what?" she asked.

"Please. Say it."

She would have agreed anything he wanted. "I forgive you."

He tucked her hair behind her ear, letting his hand rest on her neck a moment while he looked at her. He dipped down and kissed her once, slowly, and as he brought his body over hers he went faster, deeper.

Lupin pushed her dress up over her head and tossed it to the floor. He removed her clothes first and then his own, knowing that, without the light, she wouldn't see the faded scars on his chest from his years as a student confined to the Shrieking Shack. When she tried to touch the more brutalized areas around his waist he lifted her hands above her head and pinned them down as he brought his lips to her breasts. Her fingernails slid down through his disheveled hair as he traveled over her stomach and hips, hooking her legs over his shoulders.

"I'm going to take my time...and do things right," he said.

When she realized what he meant, Rain almost told him to stop. She'd heard of this but never experienced it for herself, convinced she lacked enough courage to allow it. But as soon as his mouth made contact between her thighs, any thoughts of protest deadened. The feeling of such intimacy made her instinctively shift beneath him but the thrill of every flick of his tongue pulled her back, wordlessly and hungrily begging for more. Something grew in the pit of her stomach whose roots traveled up, coiling around her spine and over her legs and into the follicles of her hair making it stand on end. She was paralyzed on the outside, but inside, life pulsed into her veins, starting from her feet and reaching up to her head. Trickling, pouring, ready to break, then suddenly shattering, screaming, wringing the breath right out of her lungs, wanting to kick him away from the intensity of it but ready to die if it ended.

The fog rolled in and clouded her mind. While she lay in this state coming down from her high, Lupin pushed her legs apart and rocked into her. This time she felt no pain; her body welcomed his. He lifted her hips higher and returned her to the sensation of flying and falling at the same time. She clung to him for all she was worth, digging her fingernails in the skin over his arms and back and matching his rhythm. His chest rubbed against hers, their sweat mixed and he swelled larger, moving faster, getting closer.

"Say it again, Marayna. Say you forgive me."

She kissed him. "I forgive you."

His attempts to kiss her back were broken when his lips parted and his voice shuttered. Incoherent words drifted into her ear but she understood him perfectly. His mouth grazed her shoulder where he'd bitten her before. His thrusts slowed and lingered longer within her, and when he had nothing left to give she relaxed on her pillow and guided his head to her chest, closing her eyes.

"I never want to do this with anyone else," she muttered.

 _I feel certain you never will,_ he thought.


	15. Chapter 15

A knock at the door pulled Rain and Lupin out of a light sleep.

"Rain? Are you in there?" her aunt called.

Rain jumped up and snatched her dress off of the rug, planting her feet in front of the door to keep it from opening while she adjusted the garment over her head. "Just a second!" Once situated she cracked it just wide enough for Rosmerta to see her.

"Are you ill?" the barmaid asked.

Embarrassed by the sweat on her skin and hair, Rain could come up with no other excuse. "I'm afraid I might be."

"Is there anything you need?"

"Oh, no. I'm sure Allison couldn't spare you."

"She's gone home, love. I've just locked up."

Rain stuttered. "I...I didn't realize I'd been gone so long. I'm sorry."

"Never you mind. You ought to get back to bed. I don't want you feeling under the weather with your exams approaching."

"Right. Good night."

"Good night."

The floor boards creaked while Rosmerta crossed the hall. Rain closed the door and looked at Lupin, who had already dressed.

"Let's wait until she's settled and then I'll see you out."

When all lay silent they crept down the stairs and crossed the darkened bar.

"The gates to the castle will be closed by now," Rain said. "How will you get back?"

"I'll manage," Lupin replied.

She nodded her head. A quiet moment fell before she blurted. "Is this...? Are we...?"

Lupin knew her question. "I don't think this is the time or the place to discuss it," he answered. "But I will say that I would like to avoid more of these...activities...until after you graduate. It's only two weeks away."

"That's...going to be a really long two weeks."

"It'll be over before you know it."

She held the door open for him. "Maybe you should go."

"Don't be cross."

"I'm not. I just think being alone in here might facilitate poor choices, that's all. I'm no good at waiting."

"You're right. Something about this place seems to seriously alter my sense of right and wrong. Must be the butterbeer."

Rain put her hand on her hip. "As your waitress I can say that is a shabby excuse at best. You hardly order more than a glass of water."

"I should really take my leave before you've found me out."

"I found you out an hour ago."

"Yes, now is the time for me to go."

Lupin stepped out into the night but turned back to her. "You could...come and see me tomorrow. I'll be in my office all day. We can have a conversation and at least have something to occupy ourselves while we wait."

Rain smiled. "All right."

The next day was the first of the moon cycle. Rain's symptoms would fully materialize in fewer than twelve hours. Lupin had a plan that would require a desperate hope and certainly another lie, but if it prevented her from resembling him in the slightest, this time it would be worth it.

* * *

Rain woke the next morning especially fatigued. The busy Saturday night shifts always kept her on her feet but never with consequences like these. She determined, with no hint of regret, that her 'activities' with Lupin, or so he adorably dubbed them, must have taken their toll. His persistent modesty made her smile. She rotated to her stomach and inhaled his rich scent still lingering on her pillow. A glass of water would set her right. That, along with the thought of seeing the man who'd thoroughly worn her out later that day urged her body upward and her feet to graze the chilly floor.

His essence was torn from her like a dreamer coming out of sleep and she immediately fell back against her pillow. _Lupin. Remus Lupin_. How she wished she could replay the last night, or that he'd stayed, and how awful it would be to wait two bloody weeks to have him again! Didn't he realize what torture it would bring to first show her what sex ought to be like and then deny her another taste? She didn't want to wait until graduation. Whose idea was that anyways? His of course. How ridiculous he could be when he wanted, and as if waiting would change anything. In any case, _something_ had to be done. She needed him that very minute. Her senses were screaming louder to be touched and the tension between her legs grew to the point where it pulsed along with her heartbeat. She would have to take matters into her own hands.

Quite literally.

She'd never done it and frankly, never felt enamored enough with someone to cave into this form of impatience. None of that mattered. Positioning herself again on her stomach and squeezing her pillow with one hand, the other traveled down her ribcage and below her underwear to locate the spot Lupin toyed with hours before. It didn't match the feeling of his tongue, of course, but her body responded delightedly all the same.

She could only assume this diversion would receive an ample amount of practice until graduation day.

* * *

Rain descended the stairs still trying to shake off slumber. Matthew sat at the counter with a cup of coffee talking to Rosmerta. She lit up.

"You didn't say you were coming!"

He rose and kissed her cheek. "I wanted to surprise you."

"I am surprised," she replied, sitting beside him. "How are things at the Ministry?"

"Good. Busy. No one has time to notice me much."

"And Tonks?"

"Oh," he muttered. "That."

"Yes, _that_. Don't be coy. You write more about her than anything else. 'Tonks tripped three times during a raid this morning. Tonks spilled her tea on the Minister again. Tonks is dying to see the Weird Sisters in London tomorrow.' I could give a rudimentary plot line to the woman's biography at this point."

"The situation with Tonks is...complicated."

"Does she know?"

"Of course she knows. Remus told her."

"Not about your lycanthropy. Does she know how you _feel?_ "

"That's just it: yes. And she isn't appalled."

Rain clapped her hands. "Is that what you've come to tell me? You're bringing home a girl?"

"Absolutely not."

She slumped. "Whatever for?"

"I could never allow Tonks to get involved with a man like me. It would degrade her."

"But you said she cares for you."

"So?"

"Does she fight the idea of a relationship, too?"

"No. She's tried at least five times to convince me my condition doesn't bother her, but just wait. She'll see soon enough."

"You can't just decide how she's going to feel without giving her a chance!"

"That's enough of that," Rosmerta interrupted as she brought out two plates from the kitchen. "Back for a month and already fighting like kids."

Rain looked at the omelet in front of her. Nothing about the yellow and green speckled dish tempted her empty stomach. Instead, the salty sweet aroma of bacon and sausage from Matthew's plate wafted to her nose and she stared longingly at it. He noticed.

"Would you like some?" he asked, amused.

"You know I don't eat meat," she answered, stabbing her breakfast and shoving a bite into her mouth.

"You should. It's delicious."

"You wouldn't either if you could speak to it."

Rain forced herself to chew but the crunch of spinach and peppers turned her stomach sour. She didn't want to insult Rosmerta by refusing the meal she'd labored over but she held no desire to eat it. These sentiments must have shown.

"Are you still feeling under the weather?" her aunt asked.

"I must be."

"Go and get this sorted at the hospital wing, I mean it."

"I think I'll just pack this for later. I'll be hungry for sure," Rain said as she stood and prepared to leave. In all honesty she was famished _then_ , but for something she couldn't put her finger on.

"Say hello to Remus for me," Matthew chimed.

An alarm went off in Rain's head. "Who says I'm going to see him?"

"You will...because he's your teacher?" he answered.

"Oh. Right."

"You _are_ acting strange."

"Sorry. End of the year nerves I guess."

"Good luck next week. You're going to need it."

Rain winked at him. "You, too."

* * *

Marayna Marquis' name floated through the DADA doors and up the stairs. Lupin had everything ready. He'd poured two cups of tea and slipped his wolfsbane into one of them, positioning it on the side of the desk at which Rain would sit so that she could not possibly take the unintended beverage.

"Good morning," she said from the doorway.

"Come in, come in" he waved.

"And good morning to you," she said, walking to the grindylow. " _What'll it be this time?_ "

Lupin stirred the tea while she continued to talk to the creature. He froze, though, when she started to hum a tune.

 _I see the bad moon rising._  
 _I see trouble on the way._  
 _I see earthquakes and lightning_  
 _I see those bad times today_

He whipped around and gave her a horrified look.

"I told you I was no good," Rain said.

"No, it's not that. It's...an odd choice of song."

"It just popped into my head for some reason."

"Does that happen often with American bayou rock?"

"Don't tell anyone. My parents picked it up when we traveled to the Mississippi."

"Right...how about some tea?"

"So _this_ is what you drink," she remarked. "I might have known."

He smiled as he watched her grasp the handle of her cup and settle slowly into an armchair so as not to spill. Rain blew the surface before taking a sip and closing her eyes.

"This hits the spot, actually. I've been feeling a little...off this morning."

"Oh?" he asked, taking his seat.

"I'm sure it's nothing."

He knew it wasn't nothing.

"So will we bother with more pleasantries or delve straight into the inevitable subject of what we are doing together?" Rain asked.

"That is a very direct question."

"I'd prefer a direct answer for once."

Lupin looked at his hands clasped together on his desk. "I have no doubt that after you graduate and travel, as you have so long aspired to do, you will find a man much more worthy of your attention that I."

Rain sighed. "How many times do I have to have this conversation today?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. The point is, that's for me to decide."

"So it is. But wait to make that decision until after you've finished school."

 _Until after you know_.

"All right. We can wait to tie a name to it if you prefer. But I'm warning you, I'm not going to change my mind."

Lupin should have grown used to her determination by now, but still, her fiery resolution caught him off guard. "You're warning me?"

Confident, she rose her chin. "Yes. As soon as the last exam is over on the last day of school, you should prepare yourself."

He found his lips rising into a smile. His brain told him to stop. His heart, and every other organ in his body, however, couldn't hear its plea. He was beginning to realize that giving away his wolfsbane might have been a mistake. "I should prepare myself for what, I might ask? It sounds rather serious."

Rain smiled, too. She stood up and rested her arms on the desk, gazing at him across it. "I find, in these situations, it's better to allow your imagination to tempt you. I wouldn't want to say anything deemed inappropriate between a teacher and his student. Well, other than, I won't wait a minute longer than I have to once your professional obligations are at an end. As it stands, this morning I..." but then she cut herself off.

Lupin took the blush on her cheeks as an indication that she'd actually said something she meant to keep private, but he was far too curious to let her off that easily. "You what?"

"I don't want to tell you."

He stood and mirrored her position on his side of the desk, bringing his face closer to hers. "You what?" he repeated.

"I...I wanted you again this morning and you weren't there so I..." she made an irresistibly flustered face and asked, "Need I say more?"

A strange longing came over him. Not so much arousal but irritation that Rain had performed such an act without him there to see. What would she look like? What did she think of? In fact, now that she mentioned it, his nose could detect hints of the aftermath. He'd grown especially acquainted with it the night before as he kissed the parts of her a skirt would hide, and this was the very same aroma. Without his potion his body took to responding as the wolf's might. How he wanted to taste her again; to feel the warmth of her sensitive skin and hear the soft cries of her tension breaking. Control was slipping away. He shook himself out of his thoughts.

"You shouldn't do that again."

"Excuse me?" Rain asked.

Lupin stood upright to distance himself. "I said, don't do that again."

"You're unbelievable! First you say you think I'd be happier with other men and that we can't label ourselves as a couple, but then you give me rules? You can't have it both ways."

"It..."  
 _It would ruin everything_.  
"If you..."  
 _If you smell this way during class I'm going to lose my mind_.  
"I..."  
He took a breath. More of her came to him.  
 _I need you_.  
"I..."  
 _I want to feel your skin between my teeth right this second_.  
"You..."  
 _You should go before it's too late_.

He finally turned away so he wouldn't have to look at her. "I'm sorry. Clearly I am incapable of a rational conversation right now. Maybe we could try again...tomorrow? After class?"

"And maybe some day I'll understand you, so why not wait another day?"

"If you do, perhaps you could help me to as well."

The fading of her delectable scent brought him pain but indicated Rain had left his office. Furious, no doubt, and rightly so. He looked out the window and gripped the base of it to keep himself firmly planted. _Breathe_ , he told himself. _Focus. Don't go after her. Let her go. Don't do this again_.

He closed his eyes. Six days until the full moon. No wolfsbane. The woman he marked, a trusting, unknowing _student_ , for Merlin's sake, within arms reach whenever he wanted her. Another voice inside, like a mutated version of his own, chuckled impishly.

 _This one's impossible, Remus, even for you_.

* * *

Despite the irritation she felt towards Lupin, Rain's physical countenance improved. She took her omelet out to the lawns and joined Violet with the rest of the quidditch team as they still marveled over their glorious defeat of Slytherin the previous day. When finished she made her way to Hagrid's hut and knocked on the door. He answered with a frozen steak pressed to his forehead.

"Mornin' Rain."

"Good...morning, Hagrid," she repeated gently. It was two o'clock in the afternoon. "How are you feeling?"

"Lousy, ter say the least."

"I don't know if you remember, but last night you asked if I could-"

"I 'member."

"Is now a good time?"

"You don't 'ave to do this, Rain. It was a right nasty thing ter ask."

"I disagree. It won't be easy, but it's the respectful thing to do. For Buckbeak. If you'd like I can come back when you're feeling better."

"I don't 'magine I'll be feelin' better even when this is over," he motioned to the steak, then peeled it from his head to throw to Fang. "For Buckbeak. Let's go then."

* * *

The Defense classroom altered drastically Monday morning. Instead of desks, the space lay bare save for a wardrobe plagued by a boggart and a few iron mannequins. Lupin remained in his office until the start of the period. He descended the stairs to his curious pupils waiting below and his eyes found Rain first. She crossed her arms, still put out by his erratic behavior the day before.

"This week you will be free to practice in the areas you feel most necessary before your final exams. As you can see, here we have a boggart," he pointed to the wardrobe, then his finger wandered to the mannequins. "And here you may practice non-verbal spells. In any vacant sections of the room you may conjure your patronus, and with my permission only, practice resistance to the Imperius Curse with a partner. That will be extra credit on your exam but I would implore you to make use of the opportunity. I will also be available any time this week, during class or not, to meet with students who wish to privately discuss their grade and areas in which they feel they need improvement. You need only ask."

Bodies dispersed and Rain reluctantly joined the line in front of the wardrobe.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Violet asked.

"I have to. And it's not just the grade; I want to know that I can."

The boy in front took his turn. The boggart morphed into a black scorpion the size of an automobile. Even Rain flinched when it snapped its pincers open and closed. The boy cried, " _Riddikulus_!" and the scorpion turned into a massive red crab teetering side to side at an absurdly slow rate.

Lupin worked with Percy Weasley on his patronus when he noticed Rain approaching her task. He moved to the back of the line to observe. She put her anger aside and looked to him for reassurance, seeing as he and Violet were the only two to realize how terrifying she found the idea. He nodded. Rain stepped forward and the blob twisted and morphed into several shapes. It did not sink to the floor, nor grow four legs with fur as she expected; it rose high above, rounded out, and resembled the full moon amongst misty black clouds.

She was too surprised to feel afraid. The full moon meant werewolves could roam, but outside of that fact, she found no fault with it.

"Go on, Rain!" Violet encouraged.

The only comical thing about the moon was the face Rain sometimes saw in it as a child. She pointed her wand, shouted the incantation and the sphere came to life, winking at her and making her chuckle out of relief more than anything.

"You did it!" Violet shouted.

Still dumbfounded, Rain moved to the side to allow the next student their turn. "I don't understand. It should have been a wolf."

"Maybe now that Matthew has returned, and you care for a werewolf, instead of fearing the creature, you fear what hurts him: the moon," Violet replied.

"That's the only thing that makes sense."

Rain felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Lupin smiling proudly. "Well done."

"Thank you," she breathed.

But as he withdrew his hand, instead of going straight away from her shoulder, he allowed it to slide down her arm and graze her waist. He snapped himself straight and pulled away, looking around to make sure no one had seen. Rain felt goosebumps prickle over her skin. They intensified at Lupin's bewildered expression.

"Let's go practice our patronuses," Violet said. Her back had been turned while she watched the boggart group.

"Coming," Rain replied.

Lupin walked broodingly to his desk while the girls moved on.

"This ought to have improved for me, at least," Violet remarked.

Rain pulled out of her train of thought and beheld her friend. "Do you mean...? Did you and Oliver...?"

Violet tried not to snicker and Rain squealed. "You _did_! When? After the game?"

"Later, later."

"You're _killing_ me."

They continued working. Rain's fox amused itself by chasing after the other patronuses trying to rest or play. Lupin sat in a prolonged darkened state at his desk. Rain knew that his error must have given him a great deal of self blame.

"Do you want to move on to non-verbals?" Violet asked.

"I'll join you in a minute."

She couldn't let him continue like that. If anything, making a bigger fuss over a tiny mistake would make it into a much more obvious one. The rest of the people in the room either stood too far away or occupied themselves too heavily to notice her approach at his side instead of across his desk, as she should. The wardrobe boomed and the mannequins clinked whenever they sustained a spell, followed by loud cheers from students.

"Try not to be too hard on yourself," she said softly.

He was writing something down. His hand stopped when he heard her voice. "You should be with the others," he replied.

"I will, but first I want to make sure you're all right. And to ask you to please rejoin us. No one noticed, I promise."

He checked her beside him, taking a long look at the hem of her skirt, but put his focus back on his desk. Then he took a deep breath in and let out a slow exhale. "Leave. Please."

Wounded, but determined not to provoke him, she gave up. "If you insist."

She felt his hand place itself across her inner thigh to stop her as she attempted to step forward. "Wait. I'm sorry."

Rain gasped. She sent a paranoid eye around the room but, thankfully, from the angle of the desk no one could see them. She tried pushing his hand away but he squeezed her skin hard.

"What are you doing?!" she hissed.

His fingers slid up past her thigh high stockings and stroked the outside of her underwear. Rain began to shake and couldn't breathe fast enough for her racing heartbeat. She could hardly believe what was happening.

"Come with me upstairs."

"No!" she whispered. "Are you crazy?"

His fingers continued up, under the fabric. "Otherwise it will happen here."

Never in a million years did she expect him capable of something like this. She feared what he might do. " _What_ will happen here?"

He pushed harder until he was within her and commanding his fingers in a way that made her buckle forward and catch herself on his desk. It felt divine. Divine and horrifying. She'd never been so dazed in her life.

"All right. I'll do it."

But still, he didn't stop.

"I said I'd come," she repeated, praying he would see reason and wait until they were alone. It was all she could do.

"Have you done what I told you not to?" he asked, ignoring her.

She shook her head.

"Good," he replied. Then he finally withdrew and stood. "Because it's for me to please you and no one else, not even you."

She hesitated before following him to the stairs. He turned and gave her a look as if daring her to refuse, and she didn't test him. The others would just think they were meeting to discuss her grade as he'd offered at the beginning of the period. No one would suspect a thing from the man who'd thoughtfully critiqued their defensive spells moments prior. Rain resolved to put an end to it as soon as the door to his office closed. The risk for his job and both of their reputations was too great. He'd obviously taken her words the previous day too literally. She may or may not have fantasized about this exact scenario a dozen times, one in which the man she loved needed her so desperately that he could not live another second without having her, but now that it happened in the flesh she lacked the audacity to see to its conclusion. Once she made it clear she had no intentions of making love during class he would stop. In fact, he would probably offer one of his profuse apologies and go back to ignoring her for a day or two. That didn't sound appealing either.

But when that moment came, when she tried to say the words, "What were you thinking?" he rounded her back against that very door and pushed her into it. He pushed his lips against hers and her sweater vest up over her head and Rain stood in stunned acceptance, closing her eyes and smelling his hair and firmly reminding herself of what she needed to do.

Plucking up all of her strength, she shoved him away. "You said you wanted to wait."

"You said you didn't."

"There are people out there!"

"Who aren't paying attention in the slightest. Class will be over in five minutes and they'll leave without a second thought."

His mouth seized her neck. This was the man whose group of friends still inspired legends for testing the boundaries at Hogwarts. Rain wondered several times since discovering his connections if they could be exaggerated, but here, now, she experienced firsthand that consequences meant nothing to him once he decided the prize was worth it. She was sinking under the weight of lust and love and everything in between, not to mention Lupin himself as he pressed her tightly down. She could detect the hard evidence of his excitement and wanted more than anything to remove what few boundaries remained between their bodies. It would feel so good. But this had to end. She promised she would never get him fired and it didn't matter that he didn't care anymore because she certainly did.

"Stop. Please."

"I can't," he said. "I'm trying but I can't."

She scoffed as she again attempted to shove him back. "Of course you can."

Up until that moment his actions were unmistakably playful. Then everything changed. He grabbed the tie around her neck, yanked it loose and brought it in front of her. In a flash he bound her wrists together and pulled them up over her head, securing them to the coat hook on the back of the door. He was so close that his forehead almost touched hers. His face held a kind of fear.

"I **can't** stop."

Rain tugged her arms but it was no use. She wanted to call for help but what horrible consequences might befall if she did?

"You...you wouldn't," she pleaded.

His gaze fell on her shirt. His hands followed, releasing the buttons and opening it to reveal her bra and ribs and stomach, moving lower and pushing her skirt down her hips to the floor. She closed her eyes and turned her head away. Rain felt him expose her skin, inch by inch, as her underwear followed and cool air touched her. The only thing remaining below her waist was her pair of stockings. She'd been completely naked in front of him before but somehow never felt even half as vulnerable as now.

Lupin stepped back. She could only watch, frozen with shock and fear, as he removed his jacket. "You mustn't fight. You mustn't scream," he said.

"And...and if I do?"

He took her chin in his hand. His thumb reached up and stroked her bottom lip. "I'll make you hate it."

What could that mean? Who was this man before her?

"I'd never speak to you again."

He smiled, bringing one of his legs in front of hers to keep it in place against the door while he bent and brought the other around his waist. Rain resisted but his strength trounced hers. "Yes, you would."

With his free hand he lowered his zipper.

"If only to say I'll never...ever...forgive you."

"As you shouldn't. You'd be a whore to enjoy what I'd do you to if you screamed, Rain, and you'd better not be a whore."

"I'll do it. I swear I will," she said, begging him with her eyes to believe her and talk himself down from this reckless scheme. A threat was her only weapon. What effect it may have had over him lasted a matter of seconds. Slowly, terrifyingly he proceeded forward. Rain drew a deep breath and opened her mouth, the whole time knowing she would never produce a sound. She cared for him too much for anything awful to befall him. His hand flew to cover her lips when his tolerance finally broke. Lupin buried himself inside her and from beneath his palm, a hot breath blew from her mouth into his skin. Rain's body lifted higher against the door. He pulsed into her again with a heavy moan, vellicating the same hidden switch below her navel that his fingers pressed in the classroom. His teeth bit along the fabric of her bra and tasted the skin below with acute pinches.

She should hate him. She should hate him for ignoring her and making her wrists ache and thinking he had the right to use her body whenever he wanted with no regard to how she felt. Once this was over...once this humiliating, wicked, vile...suffocating, enrapturing, deliriously intoxicating feeling was over she would be angry. But it felt so blissful in the meantime and grew aggressively despite her determination not to submit. When it was obvious that she didn't intend to cry for help his hand slipped from her mouth to her other leg on the floor and brought it up so that he fully supported her. With her hips higher than his the angle was perfect. Once her spine stopped wringing the air from her lungs and once her eyes stopped fluttering closed and once the burning hot feeling of liquid between her legs subsided she would let him have it. Oh, but she hoped it might be a long time yet. It'd be a shame to put such feelings to an end for the sake of anger. Who could be angry at a moment like this? He was risking everything for her, something she would never ask but always dreamed of. For as tightly as he held her he may as well have said he couldn't live without her. The sense of danger brought new waves of excitement to her chest and she gave in little by little until she finally rocked her hips with his.

"You do enjoy this," he said with no amount of satisfaction.

That's right; he'd warned her not to like it.

"Shall I try and scream again?" she dared him.

The hand he used before to cover Rain's mouth wrapped around her neck. She could hardly breathe as her head grew light. Instead of waiting comfortably for the crests of her orgasm, she craved them for respite. Pain made them more sacred. More precious. And Lupin delivered them more and more swiftly until his fingernails tore across her chest and neither could keep from screaming.

He stumbled away from her into a chair. Rain took advantage of the seconds to call herself back to earth. After a few breaths he rushed back and unhooked her hands from the door and slid the tie off. She blinked hard and rubbed her wrists.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked softly.

She shook her head.

"Rain I...I'm so sorry. I don't know what just happened. I..."

"...Will certainly never be predictable."

Rain grabbed the tie from his hands and fitted it back over her neck, buttoning her shirt and bending to bring her skirt back to its place.

He looked at her and reached to straighten her tie, running his fingers along the marks he'd made over her chest. They were quivering. Rain watched him thoughtfully.

"Don't look at me like that," he said.

"Like what?"

"Like you enjoyed yourself just now."

"Well I'm sorry to break it to you, but I didn't hate it."

"You're trying to protect me and for what, I don't know. I _raped_ you. There is no other word for it. Oh God, what have I done? This has gone far enough. Look, Rain, I'm a-"

"I've known this about you since the day we met. You're passionate and...intense. I just didn't learn how much until now."

"If I'd known then what I would do to you today I never would have dared lay eyes on you."

"Don't say that. There was never any _real_ danger."

Lupin looked away.

"This is why you think I'd be better suited to another man," Rain continued. "You like to be, shall we say, a little zealous and you didn't think I would approve?"

"That is one of the more recent reasons. Of many."

"As I detest boredom, you have my permission to scandalize me as thoroughly as you'd like."

"This will _not_ happen again. This isn't me. I don't do this."

Rain chuckled. "Where have I heard that before?"

Lupin looked from her to his desk, where he had two cups of tea placed above a small flame to keep warm. He must have prepared them early that morning. After checking to make sure the class did, indeed, vacate when they should have, he ran his hand through his hair and asked in a defeated tone, "Would you care for a cup?"

* * *

The rest of the week passed in a haze as the moon grew larger, but the number of minutes Lupin spent convincing himself he would not fail as he'd done the days before diminished to none. He woke each morning with an iron resolution, but watching Rain do something as simple as bringing an apple to her lips during breakfast flooded his mind with new and interesting ways to remove her clothes or make her say his name in his ear, which he'd come to adore. When she didn't have class with him he would catch her eye during a restless dinner and signal with a look to be waiting in his office. A few particularly irresponsible evenings she slept in his bed. He would wake to deliver her back to her dormitory but the sight of her naked body below the sheets only convinced him to be after her another time. Great pains had to be taken to rise and dress early or else she would see his scars.

For the first time in his life, the day of the full moon brought relief. Finally the fever that gripped him would abate. He longed to taste food and crave sleep; Rain had replaced every need in his body. It was worth it, however, in that by some miracle he'd managed to slip his wolfsbane into her tea every day. Outside of Sunday she never complained of feeling ill and if she was tired, well, those reasons were obvious. But as he prepared to leave for the Shrieking Shack, he checked the map one last time for Peter Pettigrew-and saw him. He saw him with none other than Marayna Marquis walking to Hagrid's hut, where Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger would visit just before Buckbeak's execution at sundown.

* * *

 **A/N: For anyone living under a rock, the song quoted in this chapter is _Bad Moon Rising_ by CCR.  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**Much of the length in this chapter in particular comes from direct quotes/scenarios from the book/movie that really couldn't be omitted without the story feeling empty. As I've already stated, none of these characters/quotes/plots are mine except those that deal with Rain.**

* * *

Rain trudged heavily down the hill to Hagrid's hut. She wanted to check on him before Fudge arrived with Dumbledore and the executioner. What a terrible way to end an otherwise blissful week, she thought. She'd enjoyed pleasant spring weather during the days and an insatiable Defense Against the Dark Arts professor during decadently immoral evenings. If she thought he was passionate after their first kiss over summer, she had no words to describe his appetite for her now, as if he'd gone from strumming the water to diving in head first. He'd entirely given up pretending like they could stand to wait as much as the next day for each other. Still, oftentimes he would appear out of sorts, but she assumed this would go away once she graduated and they didn't have to hide their every move. The injustice caused by Lucius Malfoy was the one thing in her life she would elect to change. If only she could set the poor creature loose! But surely Hagrid would take the blame and then what further, awful consequences would result?

Buckbeak lay asleep in the pumpkin patch. Rain stopped to watch him a moment while he looked so peaceful. She sat on a stone and rested her head on her knees, listening to the wind. Curse Fudge for letting this happen. Curse the whole Malfoy family. Thank Goodness they only had one son, Draco, to contaminate instead of a whole brood of disgraceful, prejudiced children.

She sat there a short while before a very frantic, but very small, voice chattered somewhere past her. _Tonight! I must find the Dark Lord tonight!_

Rain knew what kind of animal spoke in tones such as those. She hastily scanned the grass for any blades that showed a disturbance. A narrow path formed and she shot to her feet. Unfortunately, something as small as a rat could detect a human moving easily. It stopped, but Rain had the advantage of knowing his location first. She pounced and felt a warm, tiny body violently squirm beneath her hands. She squeezed her fingers around the little beast and brought him to eye level. It was Scabbers.

"I've got you!" she said.

He knew he was in trouble. Scabbers scratched and bit with his razor sharp teeth. Rain would have carried him by the snuff of his neck but his old age meant his fur was short, matted, and even missing in most places on his body. She couldn't free a hand to grab her wand without feeling like she'd drop him. Instead, she ran to Hagrid's door and kicked in place of a knock. The half-giant opened it, expecting the team from the Ministry, and gawked when he saw Rain.

"You shouldn't be here, you'll get in trouble."

"Quick, Hagrid! I need a cage from the shed! OUCH!"

Scabbers continued to distort his body and squeal as loudly as his lungs could manage.

"I can't go all the way out to the shed, Fudge'll be here any minute. You ought to go," Hagrid replied. "Is that Scabbers? Blimey, he's spooked."

"Yes, I..." Rain said, desperately looking around to find some way to contain the rat. She saw a tin can and stumbled to it, opening the lid and shoving Scabbers inside before he could escape. She rested her whole body on top of it while she sucked on her bleeding finger, then she tried to lift it but it was too heavy. Whatever lay under Scabbers would make carrying him to the castle impossible. "You must listen," she told Hagrid. "Keep Scabbers here. Do not let him out. Make sure he doesn't get out. I'll be back." Rain went to the door. "Do not let him out! Don't give him to anyone!"

"A'right a'right," he said, confused, but urging her out the door.

"I'll be _right_ back!" she called as she ran towards the castle. Rain propelled her legs through the corridors in the direction of the Defense Against the Dark Arts room and ignored anyone that stared. Half-way there she almost ran head-on into Lupin.

"I found him!" she said. "I found Scabbers!"

As though anticipating this, Lupin asked, "Where is he?!"

"I had to leave him with Hagrid. He was going crazy; I couldn't hold on."

"Stay here," he said and took off.

"I told Hagrid not to give him to anyone. I'm coming with you!" she replied and trailed after him.

The sun was going down. When they arrived at the hut, Rain noticed Buckbeak was gone, rope and all. Lupin knocked frantically and Hagrid answered.

"We're here to get Scabbers," Rain said.

"I gave 'im to Ron," Hagrid replied, just as confused as when Rain left.

"When?!"

"Jus' now. They came to visit before Fudge got here. But the stranges' thing: Buckbeak disappeared. Gone. One minute he was tied to the post and the nex' he vanished."

Rain and Lupin looked at each other.

"Since Scabbers belongs to Ron, I though you wouldn't mind if I gave 'im back. That's who you was going to bring here, wudn't it?"

"Yes...yes, of course," Rain replied. "Good night, Hagrid."

He closed the door and Rain sighed. "He'll be long gone by now."

"Not necessarily," Lupin replied, taking a piece of parchment out of his pocket and studying it. His eyes popped open. "They're going to the Shrieking Shack!"

"Why would they go there? How do you-" she asked, trying to eye over his shoulder but he'd folded it up and tucked it away.

"You should go back, Rain."

"I want to be with you. I can help."

He exhaled. "As it stands, I may need you to take Harry, Ron and Hermione back to the castle so Sirius and I can deal with Peter. Boy loves trouble even more than his father."

"How can we hope to catch up?"

"Follow me, and stay back," he said.

Lupin made his way towards the Whomping Willow and Rain kept a yard or two behind. The trunk twisted and the long, thin branches at the top cracked like whips.

" _Immobulus_!" he shouted at the tree and it froze in place. He crept to a small opening in the ground and Rain cautiously followed. He slipped inside and then waited to help her into what looked like a burrow. She grabbed his hand and hopped down. Once she landed and inspected her surroundings she realized it wasn't a burrow at all, but a tunnel.

"We must hurry," he said, then picked up his pace. Any other time, Rain would have asked how he discovered this passage, where it led, and how she'd never noticed it, but her body pumped so much adrenaline that her brain felt too full to formulate a question. Eventually they climbed a set of rocky stairs and emerged, surrounded by archaic-looking floor boards underneath layers of dust. Voices resounded above them and Lupin took to the next staircase.

They followed higher until they saw figures through a pair of dilapidated doors. Harry had pinned Sirius to the floor with his wand out, ready to curse. Ron sat in the corner holding Scabbers with Hermione close by.

"Are you going to kill me, Harry?" Sirius asked, laughing maniacally.

Lupin exploded through. " _Expelliarmus_!" he shouted at Harry.

His wand flew back and suddenly all eyes in the room were on Lupin and Rain. Lupin motioned for Harry to join Ron and Hermione. Rain watched as he then laid eyes on his best friend for the first time in twelve years.

"Well, well, Sirius, looking rather ragged, aren't we?" he asked. "Finally the flesh reflects the madness within."

"Well you'd know all about the madness within, wouldn't you, Remus?" Sirius replied as lightly as if they were conversing over drinks.

Lupin softened and lowered his wand, then held out his hand to help Sirius to his feet. They greeted each other like brothers and Rain smiled, but too soon was reminded that three others in the room had absolutely no clue as to what was going on.

"I found him!" Sirius said frantically.

"I know," replied Lupin.

"Let's kill him!"

"NO!" shouted Hermione in disbelief.

"Hermione, listen-" Rain tried to say.

"I trusted you! And all this time...you've been his friend."

"It's not what you think-"

"He's a _werewolf_!" Hermione cried, pointing at Lupin. "That's why he's been missing classes."

Rain scoffed and looked at him, expecting any manner of rebuttals or excuses, but he stood still, quietly looking back at her. Then his focus shifted to Hermione.

"How long have you known?"

Each word hit Rain like a fracture to her ribs. She felt the color drain down from her face and weigh heavily on her jaw, which fell open. What did he just say?

"Since Professor Snape set the essay."

Lupin addressed Rain and said in a defeated tone, "It's true."

Hot tears that she tried to swallow back pooled in her throat and she gagged. Everyone else in the room could have disappeared for all she cared. Her voice tore through her lungs.

"HOW COULD YOU?!" she screamed.

"I owe you an explanation most of all," Lupin replied calmly. "But not here."

"Don't you dare tell me to wait another moment!"

"The situation is more complicated than you can possibly imagine."

"That's what we're calling it now? A SITUATION?!"

Sirius lost his patience. "Enough talk Remus, come on, let's kill him!"

"You've got what you need. I'm leaving," Rain said, turning.

"WAIT!" Lupin shouted to the both of them, grabbing Rain's arm. She tore it away.

"I did my waiting!" Sirius cried. "Twelve years of it! In Azkaban!"

All of the voices in the room suddenly stopped as if they'd fallen to the floor and shattered. As for Rain, she couldn't see straight. She couldn't think. All of the days Lupin had been gone and returned ill, how did she never put it together? How did she never even come to suspect? That's right, she realized. She trusted him, too. She wanted to see the very best in him and would have refused to believe otherwise, and now that he'd made a mockery of her faith it felt like being kicked out of her own home. A warm, safe place that should have protected her threw her onto a cold, winding street that extended as far as the eye could see. The air felt too thick to breathe in.

"Very well, kill him," Lupin said, handing his wand to Sirius, who snatched it readily. "But wait one more minute, Harry has the right to know why."

"I know why," Harry said. "You betrayed my parents. You're the reason they're dead."

"No, Harry, it wasn't him," Lupin responded. "Someone did betray your parents but it was somebody who, until quite recently, I believed to be dead."

"Who was it then?!"

"Peter Pettigrew!" Sirius shouted, the lunacy returning to his voice. "And he's in this room right now. Come out, come out, Peter! Come out, come out and play!"

A surge of black flew through the doors. " _Expelliarmus!_ "

It was Professor Snape. A triumphant sigh escaped his lips as Sirius' wand rolled across the floor boards. "Ahh. Vengeance is sweet. I hoped I'd be the one to catch you."

Lupin stepped forward. "Severus-"

The potions professor pointed his wand at him. "I told Dumbledore you were helping an old friend into the castle and now here's the proof."

"Brilliant, Snape," Sirius said. "Once again you've put your keen and penetrating mind to the task and as usual come to the wrong conclusion. Now if you'll excuse us, Remus and I have some unfinished business to attend to."

Snape dug his wand into Sirius' throat. "Give me a reason, I _beg_ you."

"Severus, don't be a fool." Lupin pleaded.

"He can't help it it's habit by now."

"Sirius be quiet!"

"Be quiet yourself, Remus!"

"Listen to you two, quarreling like an old married couple."

"Why don't you run along and play with your chemistry set?" Sirius asked.

That struck a nerve. Snape gritted his teeth and pressed his wand deeper. "I could do it, you know. But why deny the dementors? They're so _longing_ to see you. Do I detect a flicker of fear? The dementors' kiss. One can only imagine what that might be like to endure. It's said to be nearly unbearable to witness but I'll do my best."

"Severus, please," Lupin tried one more time.

"After you," Snape said, pointing to the door.

Suddenly Harry's voice boomed. " _Expelliarmus_!" He'd obtained a wand and sent a curse at Snape. Rain reflexively screamed at the sight of his body being thrown through the canopy bed while Hermione and Ron panicked. "Harry, you attacked a teacher!" but he didn't care.

"Tell me about Peter Pettigrew," he demanded, pointing the wand at Lupin and Sirius.

"He was at school with us. We thought he was our friend," Lupin said.

"No. Pettigrew's dead. _You_ killed him," Harry replied, pointing to Sirius.

"No he didn't! I thought so too until _you_ mentioned seeing Pettigrew on the map."

"The map was lying then."

"The map never lies!" Sirius exclaimed.

Rain had to halt all of the thoughts flying about her head and try to guess, _What map? What else do I not know?_

"Pettigrew's alive, and he's right there," Sirius said, pointing to Ron.

"Me?" Ron asked. "He's mental!"

"Not you. Your rat!"

"Scabbers has been in my family for-"

"Twelve years! Curiously long life for a common Ireland rat! He's missing a toe, isn't he?"

"So what?"

Harry chimed. "All they could find of Pettigrew was his-"

"FINGER! He cut it off so everyone would think he was dead...and then he _transformed_ into a rat."

Rain no longer had any desire to get involved with this affair. She wanted to run and scream and hate herself for feeling love deeply enough to bring the insurmountable pain in her heart, but forced out the words she'd come to say, for Harry's sake.

"It's true," she added feebly, "Scabbers is not a real rat. He understands what humans are saying. Before, in the common room, when he ran from me it was because he knew I'd found him out."

"Show me."

Sirius ripped Scabbers from a protesting Ron and placed him on the piano where Lupin awaited with his wand. As soon as Sirius let go, he drew his own to try and point at the scurrying creature before he escaped. It appeared as though he would slip away one more agonizing time before finally, while attempting to pass through a hole in the wall, he grew to the size of a human being.

Before, when Sirius remarked that the creature suited Peter so well, Rain had little idea just how much until now. Pettigrew's nails stretched so long that they curled and his front teeth bucked out, just as a rat's would. His hair looked as dusty as the floor they stood on.

Pettigrew attempted pleasantries. "Remus? Sirius? My old friends!" He acted relieved to see them again but they would have none of it. They pushed away his attempts to embrace and pointed their wands.

Pettigrew turned to Harry. "Harry, look at you. You look so much like your father. Like James. We were the best of friends."

Sirius erupted, grabbing his coat and forcing him away from Harry. "How dare you speak to Harry! How dare you talk about James in front of him!"

"You sold James and Lily to Voldemort, didn't you?" Lupin accused.

"I didn't mean to! The Dark Lord, you have no idea the weapons he possesses. Sirius, what would you have done? What would you have done?!"

"I would have died!" Sirius cried. "I would have died rather than betray my friends!"

Pettigrew made like a rat and crawled beneath the piano, but not fast enough. Harry waited in the doorway and he tried to plead to his sentiments one more time.

"Your dad would spare me! He would show me mercy!"

Sirius and Remus pulled him back and cornered him. "You should have realized, Peter, that if Voldemort didn't kill you then we would," Sirius said, then looked at Remus. "Together!"

The pair lifted their wands. Rain turned away; she couldn't watch.

"No!" Harry shouted.

"Harry...this man is-"

"I know what he is, but we'll take him to the castle."

Pettigrew fell to his knees. "Bless you, boy, bless you!" He reached for Harry's feet.

"Get off!" Harry said. "I said we'd take you to the castle. After that, the dementors can have you."

Sirius grabbed Pettigrew by his the back of his collar and forced him through the doorway. Ron's leg had been injured somehow. Harry took one of his arms to help him walk while Hermione grabbed the other.

Lupin caught Sirius' eye. "I'll join you outside."

Rain gritted her teeth and stared at the floor. As soon as everyone had vacated the room, she stomped up to Lupin and slapped him with all of the anger that had built up over the course of the evening.

He kept his eyes closed for a moment and slowly opened them, breathing deeply in and out of his nose. "I deserve that."

"You deserve to have nothing!" she screamed. "And I've meant _nothing_ to you!"

"I wanted to tell you at Christmas, from the very moment you shared the story of your family, but it was impossible."

"'Impossible' implies that you were _physically incapable_ of doing something, yet you had _every_ opportunity!"

"It would have horrified you to know."

"That's your excuse? You didn't think I could handle it?"

"I tried distancing myself every way I could. I told you to forget me but you didn't listen."

"I would have if you'd just-" but Rain stopped herself.

"You see?" Lupin replied. "Had you known my true identity you never would have dared think of me. And you would have been wise."

 _Could he be right_? Rain wondered. Would her prejudice have turned her from the man she loved?

"I thought after our conversation the night of Sirius' break in that I'd finally gotten through to you," Lupin continued. "But then the business with your brother-"

"What about my brother?"

"The first time...between us. I thought you did know. I thought Matthew had told you when you said he'd revealed the true person I am."

"Matthew knows?"

"Very likely, yes. Most werewolves can detect one another. I never, _never_ would have allowed myself to touch you otherwise."

"But...but after!" Rain persisted. "Surely you should have trusted me enough to tell me! I wouldn't have been as upset about you being a werewolf as withholding something so paramount!"

"You see, that is where my deepest regret lies," Lupin responded. "Because after that, things were never the same. They couldn't be. I planned to tell you everything, prepared to be fired from teaching or perhaps sent to Azkaban myself, when I learned about Peter. I swore to myself that I would keep my secret just a short while longer, for Sirius' sake so that I could help him from within the castle."

"I would have understood if you'd just taken the time to explain!"

"But I haven't even gotten to the worst part," Lupin said softly, then stepped towards her. He slid the collar of her shirt down to reveal the bite on her shoulder. "The part where I tell you I've put a taint upon you that can never be cleansed away."

She shrunk away from him. "NO!"

"You won't be a full werewolf. You won't change. But it will affect you."

"You're wrong! I would have known!"

"Not if I'd been putting my wolfsbane in your tea every day this week."

What little feeling Rain had left in her body numbed, save for the sensation of acid slowly trickling into her stomach and burning the organs around it.

"The symptoms that have developed within you would have been completely hidden by the potion," Lupin added.

She massaged her shoulder and replayed every meeting between them that week. "You...you were covering your tracks. You _wanted_ to keep me in the dark. You didn't spend this week with me because you cared, you were just trying to buy yourself some more time before I found you out!"

"There is very little truth in that. I did want time, to find Peter, to set this nasty affair in order, to keep you from feeling the pain of lycanthropy, but..." his voice broke off. "But if I'm honest with myself, the more of that time we spent together, the more impossible I found it to say anything that would cause me to lose you. I'd spent so long begging you to relinquish your feelings and when I knew I'd failed...when I enjoyed a glimpse into what a happy life between us might look like...I didn't know how I could bring myself to live without it. I was telling the truth before, when I said that my love for you forces me into actions completely outside of my control."

"But you didn't love me enough to tell me your secret before _ruining_ me!" Rain spat.

Lupin's eyes finally showed as much hurt as Rain felt. "You're right. I've ruined you. I've made you more like me," he said, almost in a whisper. "And you can be certain that I have never regretted anything more in my entire life. Just know...just remember, what I said before: I never would have intentionally hurt you, not for anything."

"What you wanted to do doesn't make a difference compared to what you _did_ do! I have no proof that you would have told me, ever, unless someone else revealed you first. I can never trust you again!"

"And you mustn't. I have a creature inside my head, Rain, who urges me to say and do the most impossibly destructive things."

"There was a time when I may have been willing to pity you, or maybe even help you. Not anymore."

"But you couldn't even help yourself, don't you remember?" Lupin asked, inching towards her. "Do you have the slightest idea the things he's told me to do to you?"

Rain stepped back. "You...you said there was no real danger."

"No, _you_ said there was no real danger. That day, Monday, when I forced you, the last thing I remember saying was that you mustn't fight. That was the last time you heard _my_ voice. I knew what would happen if you did so I tried to warn you before it was too late. Everything after that moment..." Lupin paused, shaking his head. "He would have stopped at nothing to get what he wanted and wouldn't have cared if he'd hurt you for it. In fact, to a creature so possessive, making you suffer is just another way to keep you from straying. When it was over I tried to tell you, to end everything before it could possibly get any worse, but in a way, it was fortunate you stopped me before I did. You hating me and refusing me still would not have distracted him from pursuing you. Submitting that day, and the rest of this week, could have saved your life."

She stammered. "W-why is he so fixed on me and no one else? He's been around a hundred girls at this school."

"Because that isn't just a bite. It's a mark...a symbol."

"Of what?"

"That you belong to me."

Rain looked around, searching for some possible way to process the words coming from his mouth. Then she realized...

"You said, 'me.'"

For the first time she saw no expression on his face. His features appeared as though they could have been carved from stone and the hue of his eyes sunk shade by shade into a deep grey green. His mouth twitched once as he watched hers.

Her eyes widened. "R-Remus?"

"Be a good girl..." he replied gruffly, "...and maybe you'll see him again in the morning."

Rain turned and grabbed the handle of the door. She flung it open and made it down two steps before he reached her. He grabbed her by clumps of clothes and hair, spun her around, and threw her against the stairs. A few nails sticking out from the floorboards cut through her shirt and into her back. The sharp pain caused her to emit an equally piercing scream.

"You're not going anywhere," he said.

She scratched and kicked with her arms and legs as he tried to pin her down. Her hand slithered behind her into her pocket and drew out her wand, but he anticipated this. As soon as it came into sight he snatched it away and broke it in half. Rain caught her breath, devastated, but quickly took advantage of his hands being occupied and struck him hard enough to tear out of his clutches. She ran, jumping down the last several steps and closing the small, hidden door just before he could catch up. In the darkness she stumbled through the tunnel towards the light up ahead and clambered out into the free air. The first thing she saw was the moon peering over top the mountains in the distance in the shape of a perfect circle.

"HE'S COMING!" she shouted, immediately turning to Ron, sitting at the base of the Whomping Willow, to pull him up.

"Ouch!" he screamed, dropping his wand.

"Sirius!" Rain called, pointing to the moon. He was standing a few yards away with Harry. When he saw it, his face turned even more ghastly than before. He ran to the entry of the tunnel just in time to catch hold of Lupin as he emerged.

"Remus, my old friend, have you taken your potion tonight?" Sirius asked.

Then Rain remembered him telling her he'd given away his doses that week. "He hasn't! He hasn't!"

Pettigrew lunged for the wand that Ron dropped and had just enough time to point it at himself and transfigure before Harry could catch up. He tried to trail after the rat but Hermione pulled him back.

Rain, Hermione, Ron and Harry all stood dumbfounded. Lupin gripped Sirius' shoulders as he slowly lost his ability to stand straight. As for his face, it distorted into agony and he screamed like no one Rain had ever heard. Despite how little she thought she cared for him then, she found it heartbreaking to watch his misery. If he'd just taken his wolfsbane that week none of this would be happening. He would change, of course, but his mind would stay focused and he'd be almost too sleepy to notice the painful side effects, at least, according to Matthew. But he'd given it to her, and for what? So she could resent him?

"RUN!" Sirius cried.

His fingers grew longer, as did his feet and his snout. The clothes around him ripped into a hundred pieces and his skin turned ashen. When the transformation was complete he tossed Sirius into the grass as if he were as light as a quaffle and set his sights on the terrified students ahead. Rain shook as she watched him prowl. This was a werewolf in the flesh, a monster so terrifying it could destroy her, _did_ destroy her parents. But he was also Remus Lupin. He had to be there, somewhere.

 _Remus?_ she asked faintly. _Can any part of you hear me?_

But his only response was a deafening howl.

"Potter!"

As if on cue, Snape once more appeared at the most critical time in the evening. No one noticed his rage. He whipped around and upon seeing the werewolf, flung his arms out to shield them. The animal swiped at the group, knocking every one of them down. That's when a massive black dog leaped forth.

 _Get back, Moony_! came Sirius' voice.

 _Moony_? Rain wondered. Then it became obvious: Wormtail the rat, Padfoot the dog, and Moony the werewolf; their nicknames from school.

Moony snarled and they collided again, ripping and tearing each other's hides. Sirius whimpered but continued to put himself between the werewolf and the humans. Finally, he snapped his jaws around Moony's paw and pulled at him, taking off in a run and challenging him to come after. It worked. Harry bolted after them before Snape realized what was going on, but when Rain tried to do the same he grabbed her firmly and pointed his wand. She had no way of deflecting him.

"The three of you are to return to the castle. Immediately."


	17. Chapter 17

Rain and Hermione sat beside Ron as Madam Pomfrey tended to his leg. Soon enough Harry was carted in, unconscious, and they overheard Snape's voice claim that Sirius had been captured and locked away to await the dementor's kiss. Harry stirred and Hermione told him the awful news. When Dumbledore came to the hospital wing, all four of them frantically tried to explain that Sirius must be released.

"I believe you, but I'm afraid the word of four students will convince few others," he answered. "Mysterious thing, time. Powerful. And when meddled with, dangerous. Sirius Black is in the topmost cellar of the dark tower." The clock chimed and he looked at Hermione. "You know the laws, Ms. Granger. You must not be seen, and you will do well, I feel, to return before this last chime. If not, the consequences are too ghastly to discuss. If you succeed tonight, more than one innocent life may be spared. Three turns should do it, I think."

Hermione grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him out the door of the hospital wing.

"Where are they going?" Rain asked.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"After what I've seen tonight I'm prepared to be a little open-minded."

"That's very fortunate, considering this is also the night that you've discovered the truth about Professor Lupin."

Rain looked down.

"I know it must have been hard for all of you," Dumbledore said, looking at Ron and then to Rain, "And you especially, given your history. I'm sure it was a terrible blow."

"You could say that," Rain answered.

"That's my fault, I'm afraid."

"Do you say that because you hired him?" she asked.

"I say that because I specifically instructed him not to tell you, Ms. Marquis."

Rain gaped. "When? Why?"

"He approached me just before the Christmas holiday after finding out about your family, very insistent upon telling you, but I forbid him. You see, his presence here was vital not just for the benefit of the students as an excellent instructor, but to uncover the truth regarding Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. He was the connection between the past and the present. If, and I dare say when, the parents of this school are made privy to his identity, it may not be possible for him to remain at his post. I couldn't take the chance of the news spreading beyond the necessary minimum."

She put her hand to her temple. Lupin _did_ want to tell her months ago, just as he said. He'd tried to convince her to stay away from him, warned her repeatedly, and she never respected his wishes. If she were to trust all of his other claims, namely that he thought she knew of his lycanthropy the first time they'd been intimate, when he bit her, then there was only one thing left to give her pause: the bite itself. Did she truly believe he infected her on purpose? After everything, how hard he tried to protect her and the guilt she saw in his eyes day after day that she couldn't explain, did she think him capable of intentionally giving her this burden?

"Werewolf or not, he's the best Defense teacher we've ever had," Ron chimed. "Much better than that git, Lockhart."

Suddenly a memory from the previous year popped into Rain's head; the one detail of Lockhart's lectures that stuck with her, given the nature of it. She could almost see him in her mind, standing in the front of the room beside the portrait of himself, the only male face that ever paid him any attention:

"... _another village will remember me forever as the hero who delivered them from the monthly terror of werewolf attacks."_

She felt desperate enough in her regret that she was willing to try it. "Professor Dumbledore, Lockhart told us about something called the Homorphus Charm."

The Headmaster rose his eyebrows. "Ms. Marquis, I trust you know better than to believe a word he said."

"True, he didn't do any of the things he claimed... _himself_. He stole the work of other witches and wizards, didn't he?"

Dumbledore put his hand on Rain's back and led her away from Ron's bed. "What do you know of the Homorphus Charm?"

"Lockhart said he used it to cure the Wagga Wagga Werewolf."

"There is no cure for lycanthropy, I'm afraid."

Rain's shoulders sank.

"What the Homorphus Charm does is turn a werewolf back into a man, but does not prevent the transformation from taking place whenever the moon is full."

"So it's real?!"

He studied her. "Yes, it is real."

"Please, Sir. _Please_ tell me how it's done! If I were to use it on Professor Lupin tonight I could spare him from harming anyone else. Or himself."

"The spell is rumored as a debacle given the astronomical rate of failure."

Rain looked to her feet. "So I probably couldn't learn it in one evening, huh?"

"Not unless I tell you this first: you mustn't cast the spell at the wolf. It is not with his heart or soul that you are trying to communicate. Instead of striking down the evil, you must uplift the good."

"So I have to reach Lupin's soul? How?"

"The patronus."

"The patronus?"

"Yes. The representation within your own soul of complete happiness. When a werewolf seizes a man or woman's mind, it is like a dementor attack. They are overtaken by fear, hate, and a beast set out to kill. You must produce your patronus and command it to awaken the spirit within your opponent. That will help him take back control of his body and transform."

"And I say..."

" _Suscito_."

"Oh wow," Rain exhaled.

"Simple, yet effective," Dumbledore added.

"Why don't more people know about this?"

"The Armenian warlock who invented the spell had his memory erased before Lockhart stole the credit. He, of course, failed to perform it correctly but, in an effort to impress me during his interview as Professor, described it in detail. Now, given his reputation, few people believe it works, or even exists. The rest who have tried it always say the incantation without summoning the patronus first. Everything must be in a specific order, you see."

"And now you're...you're going to just let me go outside and try it?"

"I've sent two thirteen year-olds to save Sirius Black. I suppose I can allow one nineteen year-old to save Remus Lupin."

She didn't give herself the chance to think or talk herself out of it. Rain walked up to Ron's bedside. "Ron, I need to borrow your wand. I'll take very good care of it."

"Wait, where's _your_ wand? Where are you going?" he asked. "Where is _everyone_ going?!"

As Rain ran out from the hospital wing she passed by Harry and Hermione just outside it. "Good luck, guys!"

They looked at each other, out of breath, and smiled. Taking the stairs two at a time, Rain illuminated her wand, dashed past the complaining portraits trying to sleep, and to Lupin's room to grab a few supplies. Her bag, and half of her clothes, ended up making a home there that week. After she gathered what she needed, she returned out to the night. The Forbidden Forest was huge; she knew she couldn't search it inch by inch. Instead, she looked to the full moon, felt a tingle in her stomach, and howled out.

 _Moony!_ she called. She waited and tried again. _Where are you_?

The crackling of twigs traveled to her ears. The smell of his hair and neck wafted to her nose and she knew it was him. A figure that could have sprung straight from her nightmares bounded from the trees on four legs and stood tall to observe her. Rain fought the instinct to run and instead took out the wand.

" _Expecto patronum_!" But very little happened. _No no no_! Her mind raced. This stubborn wand didn't belong to her; she should have practiced with it first!

 _That hand..._ Moony growled. _I'd like to taste it_.

 _Get back_! Rain yelled.

 _Why then did you call me here?_

" _Expecto patronum_!" she tried again. The patronus grew a little bigger, but ultimately failed.

 _It would be better than you think, you know_ , Moony continued. _You'll never win, not truly. I'll always return, so why fight me when instead you can join me?_

 _I won't listen,_ she replied.

 _You will once you've properly experienced the moon._

Rain tried to resist it, but her neck turned and she gazed at the bright sphere in the sky once more. Her head grew a little lighter.

If they could live, side by side, enduring lycanthropy together, would it not make life more bearable than always curing him? Always fearing him?

 _You'll never be accepted as you are now. Humans will shun you once they realize you're contaminated. Werewolves will reject you for trying to preserve your purity. Now is the time to choose one side over the other_ , he said.

She lowered her wand. Maybe he was right. Besides a select few, would she have to conceal herself from the rest of the world as Lupin did from her?

Moony crept closer. _You're starting to see. I can read your eyes and hear your scattered thoughts. We've always had this connection, you and I, so now let's make it whole. Remus may not say it aloud, but he wants you by his side, forever. He would have no reason to push you away if you were one of his own._

Her thoughts ignited.

 _Yes._ Moony nodded. _He'd be thrilled_.

Rain tried to imagine Lupin's reaction to her telling him the news, but it didn't take long to remember his remorse after biting her once, as a human, nor the tortured look in his eyes when he'd admitted the meaning behind it, and she hadn't even turned into a full werewolf.

 _No_ , she said. _He wouldn't. One night of the month, when he's not himself, he may be grateful for a companion. For the rest of the thirty days he would hate to know he'd done such a thing, even if he couldn't control it. He'd hate to see me suffer as I see him_.

 _You don't know him like I do_.

 _Then you don't know him at all! You only know a warm body that's helpless against you. You force him down while you take whatever you want, and now you're trying to do the same to me. I won't let you have more power than you already do. You won't have him for a second longer than I can help it_!

She raised the wand one more time. Moony swiped at her neck and she fell back, barely missing him. He inched forward, his lungs vibrating as he inhaled and exhaled, licking his lips.

" _Expecto patronum_!" she shouted.

A pool of light flowed forth and the little fox sprung out. Moony lunged and tried to pounce, but the sly creature narrowly escaped each time.

 _"Suscito!"_ she commanded, and this time her fox was the one to bare her teeth and strike. "Find him! Help him!"

The patronus ran full force and pounced into Moony, who tried to bat her away but his paw went clean through as if she were a ghost. The werewolf growled and flailed his body trying to be rid of the intruder but she was already inside, ripping, clawing her way through to the tiny area in his heart where Lupin's soul was trapped. Starting from the top of his head and the tips of his claws, human flesh appeared and spread outward like a crack in the glass. White, bruised skin replaced fur and his spine popped as it straightened. Although taking his human form was her objective, she shuttered to imagine how much pain Lupin's body endured in just a few hours. That question was quickly answered when the last of his features, his voice, morphed from the high-pitched whimper of the wolf into the shriek of a human man. Finally complete, he closed his eyes and fell to the ground.

Rain ran to him. He was breathing but hardly conscious. "Remus! Remus it's me!"

"Rain?" he mumbled, trying to lift his head. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm here. I'm all right."

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry."

" _Shh_..." she said, opening her bag and taking out a blanket. He rested his head back on the ground and she covered him, running her hand through his hair and inspecting his cuts. She'd feel safer tending to the wounds with a proper wand the next morning. She pressed her ear to his chest and drifted to sleep listening to the sound of his overburdened heart slowly beginning to unwind.

* * *

A bright light shone. Rain heard birds fly from branch to branch, stirring the leaves as they went. She opened her eyes and sat up. Her movements woke Lupin, too. He struggled as he came to full awareness, with pink blotches upon the whites of his eyes and dark circles surrounding.

"I...remember you. Last night," he said. "I saw you. I saw the full moon. It must have been a dream."

"It wasn't," Rain said.

"How?"

"I changed you back."

He looked at himself, covered in only a blanket, and again at her. "Into a man?"

Rain chuckled. "Yes."

"That's not possible."

"It is when Albus Dumbledore tells you how."

"I haven't seen a full moon with my own eyes since I was five years-old."

Rain dug in her bag and pulled out some chocolate. "Well now you can every month if you want."

He eyed her with wonder before taking a square. "This is...overwhelming. I didn't know such magic existed. I didn't know...a _person_ existed who would care enough to perform it."

She rubbed her arm shyly. "Dumbledore told me you approached him at Christmas and asked for permission to tell me that you are a werewolf."

"I did, and I should have ignored his instructions and told you anyways."

"The point is," she said. "I know that your intentions were genuine."

"It doesn't matter. As you said, what matters is the harm I've caused that cannot be undone."

"But now I realize how it could have been an accident. How you tried not to. In my anger last night I'd completely overlooked that what you've mended far outweighs the damage."

"How have I helped you in the slightest?"

"You helped me defeat the boggart. You found my brother using lycanthropy, and now, because of your condition, I have learned how to not only help you, but Matthew."

"You're giving me way too much credit for a happy coincidence."

"Who could know better than I how many times you pushed me away? You didn't want any of this to happen at all."

"I should have tried harder."

"I'm glad you didn't."

" _I'm_ not."

"You were put in an impossible situation."

"I knowingly deceived you."

"Like I did when we met?" Rain asked.

"You are completely blameless in this."

"I didn't tell you I was a student because I wanted to know what it felt like for someone to see _me_ , not my position in society. That day, we both saw the other for who we were...and loved it."

"You don't love me. You couldn't," Lupin said.

"You know I do. You know how much I've wanted you from the very first moment. And now I can say for certain that you've equally wanted me."

"I won't let you ruin your life by joining mine. It's full of nothing but-"

"Train stations and hotel room?" she asked.

"I'm too old for you. Too old, too poor, too...dangerous. You'd be surrounded by-"

"Werewolves and fantastic beasts, just as I am now? You won't spare me those things by leaving."

He sighed. "I'll never truly be rid of him, you know. Even with wolfsbane. Even if you turn me back into myself, he'll always be waiting around the corner, ready for when I let my guard down."

"Everyone has a dark side...yours just happens to be on a schedule. Haven't I proven I can handle him by now?" Rain asked. "In any case, you've already entirely given yourself away."

"Oh?"

"You told me this mark..." she said, pointing to her shoulder, "...means I belong to you..."

"You belong to no one. You aren't property. And if you're not careful, there might be more where that came from."

"...and you'd be pretty thick to believe there is anything either of us can do about that."

Rain smiled, then slowly rose her hand and grasped the top edge of the blanket. Lupin put his on top to prevent her from pulling it away.

"No more secrets," Rain whispered.

He relaxed his grip and allowed her to proceed. The light of day meant that every scar would be so firmly visible that she could count them one by one. Rain pulled the blanket and, instead of frowning, softly ran her fingertips along the broken skin of his stomach and arms. They traveled up his chest to his neck, where she grasped and pulled him into her.

"My name is Remus Lupin. I was born March tenth, nineteen sixty and infected with lycanthropy as a child, then-"

"Yes," she whispered, and pressed her mouth to his.

" _Werewolf_ ," he said, pulling away.

"I am aware."

"I turn into an _animal_ when the moon is full."

"So I've seen."

"No one can know. We must keep this relationship a secret for a long while still; at least a year. Even then-"

"When you said you were fond of nonsense, I thought you meant something else," she said impatiently.

He smirked and pulled her over top him. "I suppose if James and Sirius taught me anything, it was that if there are more reasons to break a rule than follow it, it can be safely ignored."

"I will give you at least fifty _very_ detailed reasons."

Rain bent to kiss him as her hair cascaded over his shoulders and down his back. His hands massaged her thighs, finally knowing that she wanted him for him and not because of a charade. A moment he thought would never come, that he'd never deserved, granted to him regardless. They melted into each other. Their skin grew hot and her clothes began to loosen when they heard footsteps approaching through the foliage. Both turned and saw Hermione as she peered through the trees. Her hand flew to her mouth and her cheeks turned crimson.

" _How_ long did you say we must keep this a secret?" Rain whispered.

Lupin grimaced and let out a humiliated sigh.

"I knew it!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Hermione!" Rain said, jumping up. She adjusted her clothes as she quickly approached the blushing third year to guide her away. She tucked her hair behind her ears and wiped off her mouth. "I...was just making sure Professor Lupin was all right. Rough night."

"I'm not an idiot, Rain."

"Yes, I know," Rain lamented. "But I had to try. Now I may as well tell you that we met before the school year started it's been a total whirlwind ever since. I don't expect you to understand or approve, but please don't tell anyone."

To Rain's surprise, Hermione replied, "In a way, I'm glad. I'm glad he has you. When I did my research on lycanthropy I learned just how lonely a werewolf's life can be. I thought if Dumbledore trusted him then so should I, so I kept my conclusion to myself."

"You truly are brilliant."

"I won't tell anyone what I saw. I feel guilty enough for last night. I thought..."

"You thought he was going to hurt Harry?"

"...Yes."

"He understands that and so do I."

"At least I didn't do as Snape and tell the whole school over breakfast."

"Snape did what?!"

* * *

The Great Hall was a madhouse when Rain entered. Shocked students chattered about Lupin, some jokingly wondering if next year they might have a vampire as a teacher. The staff already knew and tried to calm the waters. Of course, the Slytherin table eagerly wrote their parents in the hopes that Dumbledore would be removed as Headmaster for such an appalling error.

Upon sitting down, Violet was the first to discreetly address Rain. " _Did you know_?!"

"Not until last night."

"What's going to happen? What are you going to do?"

"I'm honestly unsure," Rain replied. "We'll take it one day at a time, but all is well."

"Oh good," Violet said. "I guess after learning about Matthew, it's really not the nail in the coffin that it could have been."

Rain had to laugh. Leave it to Violet to see the logical side to everything.

"Hey!" Violet brightened, "Do you think either of them would be willing to test out my first few batches of wolfsbane?"

"Probably not..."

Violet slumped.

"...but I might."

* * *

Rain walked up the stairs to visit Lupin one more time in his office. He packed his trinkets quietly with a slight limp in his step.

"Are you sure you have to go?" she asked him.

"You know I do. You know what's about to happen."

She wandered to his desk. A large piece of folded parchment sat atop it. She held it up and asked, "What's this?"

Before he could say anything, writing from an invisible hand appeared:

 _Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Ms. Marquis, but cannot allow access to this information without her obliging the password for entry._

 _Mr. Wormtail asks that Ms. Marquis carry about her day as usual._

 _Mr. Prongs is highly suspect that Mr. Moony has developed a certain amore for Ms. Marquis in her white sun dress._

 _Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Prongs and admits that he cannot blame Mr. Moony for thinking so._

 _Mr. Moony would like to apologize for the considerable embarrassment caused by Mssrs. Prongs and Padfoot._

Lupin grabbed the map from her hands. "Trouble, that's what."

"Hey, I was hoping to ask Mssrs. Padfoot and Prongs who this Moony fellow is." Rain watched him fold the parchment back up and stick it in a drawer, her spirits growing a little more dire. "Where will you go?" she asked.

"Home to Yorkshire," he answered.

"And you'll..."

"I'm going to stay there a while, do what I can to find Peter. Then I'm going to search for the werewolves I've encountered and teach them about the Homorphus Charm. It's the least I can do."

"Will you write me?"

"That shouldn't be necessary."

"But I thought-"

"I bought two tickets to Yorkshire," Lupin said. "One for me, and, if you want, one for you to join me when your exams are through. I realize you may wish to continue living with your aunt, but if not, perhaps..."

She smiled.

"It'll be dangerous. I won't ask you to come with me. I know you have your own ambitions, I just...can't seem to accept the idea of being somewhere you aren't."

"There's no reason I can't chase my ambitions while I'm chasing you. It's Violet who will be stuck inside the laboratory all day."

Lupin made a face. "That sounds dreadful."

"Truly."

"So, I'll...I'll see you in a week?" he asked.

"On one condition."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Oblige me with the password, Mr. Moony," Rain said.

Lupin smiled, then took her hand and kissed it. "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

* * *

 **A/N: A sincere** _ **thank you**_ **to everyone who's made it with me this far, followed/favorited, and especially those who took the time to review!**

 **There is a one shot epilogue for this story on my profile. I hope you enjoy! :)**


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